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My "friend" is so homophobic it's off the charts, but what makes him this bad?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Adymoe, Oct 26, 2020.

  1. Adymoe

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    I'm trying to wrap my head around the homophobia of this "friend" I know. I'm not hanging around him as much now for obvious reasons but basically he has so much hatred for gays. He's Christian and tells me I'm going to hell for being gay. He doesn't even like being around anyone that's gay at this point and makes dumb excuses for why he doesn't like my other gay friends. He strictly watches lesbian porn because "dicks are gross". He says he hates going out in public in June because of pride ‍♂️ he even hints that he wouldn't want to hug me for too long now because I'm gay and it would make him feel like I'm into him....yes I've posted about him before (honestly sorry if it's getting annoying) and everyone has said he's just a repressed gay guy in deep denial. But I've never asked you guys what makes someone think like this? Like how does that make him feel better about himself? It's just beyond stupid to me. He's just paranoid about anything gay but wastes so much energy fighting it? Like I've never seen someone this bad before. Above all...he always tells me he loves me but thinks it's cool to call me a "fucking faggot"
     
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  2. Chip

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    My guess? Closeted poof with a ton of self-hate because of his religious upbringing.Think Mike Pence. Sad thing is, he may never get past it.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    This person is toxic and you should cut him entirely out of your life. He watches lesbian porn but says he hates homosexuality? Regardless of if he is a closet case or not he is a hypocrite.
     
  4. Jinkies

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    If he has no trouble with calling you slurs, he's not a friend. End of story.
     
  5. Tightrope

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    Listen to what everyone says in response to your posts. Start moving away from him, if he doesn't come around and you don't want to deal with it. I've seen this in a couple of people. A person I went to school with who was a wimp and had to overcompensate with the occupation he chose, overly religious, overly conservative, sent his kids to conservative boarding schools really pings with me. Another was the head of a small company who couldn't stand single men from what I could tell. He was also super conservative and had a lot of kids. He'd always mention it, first thing. My thought is that they got involved in some circle jerk or same sex experience during their youth and were freaked out by it. And are continued to be freaked out by it.

    I've been hearing similar comments about the VP over the last few years. He also overcompensates. He didn't look too bad at all when he was first running for local offices. But a weird guy and would not want him in command at all.
     
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  6. RD Spencer

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    It sounds like religion has played a big roll in his personal belief system. In his case he may truly believe that gay people are horrible and will go to hell. So if he happens to be gay himself then a major conflict would exist within him. He either has to abandon religion or abandon being gay, and religion says you can turn straight. Many religions also use fear as a tool to get people to comply and fear brings out anger and hate in people. So in this case he may be taking it out on people who represent what he hates about himself.

    At the same time he may actually really like you so he has that conflict to deal with as well.

    This is just speculation so take it with a grain of salt.


    As for your friends behavior towards you that can be draining and very stressful on your part even without you noticing. Its best for you to draw the line in the sand on what you will tolerate. If you want to work at saving this friendship give him an ultimatum by telling him up front to stop behaving that way or loose you as a friend.


    Keep in mind that There is a lot I don’t know about your situation so what I wrote may not may not apply.


    Aside from all that I have dealt with similar circumstances, I am dealing with a homophobic brother who has gotten that way more recently.


    And in the past a friend who would get very homophobic at times. I know my friend is gay but he has not fully accepted it.
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    While he certainly sounds like a closet case, I'm not going to pretend I know for sure. For all I know, he is straight and is just a disgusting hypocrite for hating on gay men while tuning in to lesbian porn--which, in your place, I might be spiteful enough to tell him is seldom how actual "lesbian sex" plays out.

    Like I get that guys often have friendships where they rib one another (being a tomboy, I've actually had more comfortable friendships with guys and somewhat enjoy that aspect of the friendship) but that doesn't seem to be the case, here. These insults seem intended to cut, and I wouldn't doubt if it's his way of pushing you away. He seems to have no problem living in his little fantasy world of girl-on-girl, yet according to his beliefs, homosexuality is a sin. How he reconciles being okay with women he doesn't know getting it on but is repulsed by you is... Well, I can't wrap my head around the complete lack of logic, but it's sadly not the first time I've seen/heard it.

    I agree with everyone else: whether he's in the closet or not, he's no real friend to you. Not if he's hurling slurs at you and being unreasonably cruel in the times between. If you want, approach it like an ultimatum, see what's more important to him--his friendship with you, or his perception of his so-called faith. Either he stops being homophobic, or you're quits. Then again, this might only cause him to be homophobic behind your back, and that's no better.

    Whatever you decide, I hope you choose what is best for you. You deserve a lot better than homophobic insults.
     
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  8. SilentM

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    Jesus was the guy who wanted to save everyone, even his haters and see how he ended up.

    Don't go his path, unlike him you don't get ressurected.
     
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  9. Phantom06

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    you can only help someone who wants to be helped.