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My first steps

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by chicodeoro, Jun 21, 2020.

  1. chicodeoro

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    So I've come out to two people this weekend!

    It's been seven weeks now since I realised I was trans and it got to the point this week where I just could not keep it in any longer. I couldn't keep writing emails and texts to my friends pretending things are 'normal' (well, as normal as things can be in 2020) when they're not any more.

    So I emailed one a friend who lives in Australia who I've known for over 25 years. She was shocked but offered me total unconditional support.

    Then I met up with a friend locally and had an hour and a half's chat. I probably spilled out too much information and was too honest with her. But again, she was absolutely supportive.

    I feel a weird mixture of emotions this evening: relief, embarrassment, elation but most of all I'm feeling really..vulnerable. Does it get easier? I'm dreading having to do this over and over, especially with male friends who might not be as positive.
     
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  2. Mihael

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    Congrats! Coming outs are so difficut, especially the first ones. But it's great to get it off your chest and not keeping it inside is such a relief. Stay strong!
     
  3. ChescaC

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    Congrats!
    Yes it gets easier. It gets so much easier.
    Don’t worry, that mix of emotions is perfectly normal. I cannot say I had embarrassment(I didn’t) but I did have a mix of elation, joy, panic(birds it’s red alert), fear.
    The fact that the two people you’ve told are supportive is wunderbar! Just wait until you start telling more people, there’ll probably be some “about time”s or “oh, we knew”s in there.
    As for the male friends whom you are afraid won’t take it well, wash your hands of them if they cannot accept you for the beautiful woman you are.
    My coming out was definitely quicker, I made a general coming out post about 6/7 weeks after I had my revelation. Though I had made a couple of more selective posts in groups I’m a part of the day of.
     
  4. chicodeoro

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    Thanks Chesca, Mihael.
    I've got a feeling my coming out is going to be a drawn-out affair. The last people I'm going to tell are people who I suspect won't support me. There's also the question of how to tell my 13 year old stepson, which is something I can't even contemplate at the moment.

    I wish I could time travel to the future when I'm completely out and have transitioned! Everything that I know I'll have to wade through first just seems so daunting..

    Beth
     
  5. chicodeoro

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    UPDATE:

    So now five of my friends know I'm trans. And my experience last week when I came out to one of those was probably the most profound moment of my life.

    I had explained about my epiphany and what had happened since then and conversation had moved onto names. She asked me what I was going to call myself. I said 'Beth'. She came me a huge hug, took my hands in hers and said 'that's a lovely name'.

    And I felt a wave of joy and happiness and relief unlike anything I have ever experienced. A huge smile came over my face. My friend later said I looked 'radiant'. Then we sat down next to each other and let this huge moment 'settle'. For a while we didn't say anything. Every so often I would look up and smile and she would smile back. Euphoria? Absolutely! It felt so so wonderful (and liberating!) that a dear friend of mine recognised and accepted me as female.

    It took a while to come down from that moment. I know I have such a huge mountain to climb and coming out to a lot of other friends won't be anywhere near as positive an experience, but I feel a Rubicon has been crossed. Since then my friend has used my new name in texts and emails and every time I read them I feel an echo of that original wave of joy.

    Beth
     
    #5 chicodeoro, Jul 9, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2020
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