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My fifth gay-birthday

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by quebec, Dec 25, 2019.

  1. quebec

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    Hello All.....Today, actually tonight is exactly five years since I finally accepted that I am and always have been gay. I was an emotional disaster and had felt for a long time that I was completely, totally trapped. I couldn't go on any longer trying to hide and I was terrified to come out to anyone. I was in a terribly dark place that night and I nearly took my own life. Empty closets and the incredible, wonderful people here saved me that night. I received the gift of life, acceptance and love that night. I found out that I could accept myself, that I could be happy, that I could become the real me without turning my back on my family and all those that I love. There have been quite a few ups and downs since that night, but I am in such a better place now that my "before acceptance" self would not recognize a lot about the current me! So to all my EC Family out there...thank you for what you've done for me and thank you for what you've done for others.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #1 quebec, Dec 25, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2019
  2. Contented

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    Congrats on 5 years free!
     
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  3. Mysteria

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    Congratulations on five years of openly being who you are!
     
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  4. Sundara

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    Congrat for your 5 years of being gay.
     
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    Happy 5 years!
     
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  6. Markieg64

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    Happy 5 years on your acceptance of being gay
     
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  7. SevnButton

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    Hi David ! ( @quebec ). It's intriguing that you call it your birthday, and not your anniversary. My take on that is that it wasn't just an event that happened one day, it was much more than that. I think your gay birthday was the day that you re-discovered being alive. Is that the was you see it?

    You inspire, motivate and support me. Thank you!!! Big virtual hugs to you!
     
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  8. quebec

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    Sevn.....Oh yes it was much more than just a single, isolated event. There were years of guilt, shame and depression that all came to a head on that day. I had already been in the midst of an intense struggle about my sexuality when a Christmas gift earlier that day had caused all of the pain and confusion to finally explode in a way that I could no longer resist. I really did consider taking my own life that night when I made a plea here on empty closets for help. That was the first post that I made here on EC. My coming out that night wasn't just a decision to lead my life differently, it was an explosive new-birth. There is a sharp line between the old-me and the new-me that was drawn that night. It was absolutely a 'New Birth" experience. I am not the same person now in so very many ways. My entire outlook changed. In comparison to many others the new-me that I have become is different. I am not out to the world. I didn't post a coming out video on youtube or make an announcement on Facebook. I didn't need to. That night I came out to the one person who mattered more than anyone else...me. Accepting myself, and starting to learn how to love myself where the important things that happened that night. Since then I have come out to part of my family and a number of close friends. However, for me, what is important has not been how many I've come out to but rather that I can come out to someone if I feel it's right. That I can be the "real" me at times. I do live with one foot in the "straight" world and one foot in the "gay" world...but it works for me and I don't insist that anyone else live the way that I do. I love and treasure the family and friends who don't know I'm gay and I do the same for those that do know...I just get to act "gay" around the second set. :old_smile: I'm not being a hypocrite...I just know what works best for me and, as I said, I don't think that everybody needs to live the way I do. Little by little I find that I'm able to come out to others that I'm close to...as the situation and the individual seems right. After all it is my life and now that I'm five years old I get to live it the way I want! I no longer live the way society pushed me to live for so many years!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  9. Mirko

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    Congratulations on the five year mark. It is wonderful to read that Empty Closets was there for you, and helped you to begin the journey of self-acceptance, and starting the process to let others know. You have come a long way David, and it is certainly nothing to be minimized. Your struggles, experiences, will inspire others to keep trying to find self-acceptance.
     
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  10. 1cgd

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    Acknowledging, accepting and announcing I’m gay (a year ago this coming Sunday) was a rebirth for me, so I’m totally on board with “birthday” or “anniversary”. Whatever suits you!
     
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  11. cjmiller

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    Happy Gay Day...
     
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  12. quebec

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    Hello All.....Thanks to all of you. All of you here on Empty Closets mean so much to me. You are my family!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  13. Adz6

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    Hello David,
    Congratulations on the five years. You’re an inspiration to me and I feel to others in the EC. Family
    May you have many more gay birthdays
    Adrian
     
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  14. Peterpangirl

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    Congratulations on finding peaceful acceptance of yourself, David. And of finding your place in this LGBT family. Your posts have always helped me a lot, because they are full of compassion and humanity. Thank you.
     
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