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My experience with coming out (anyone’s thoughts on what I could have done differently?)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LoganD, Jan 11, 2018.

  1. LoganD

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2018
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    To begin I should give a brief backstory. I had always had this attraction to girls and boys growing up. This is pretty standard stuff, probably not unique. Well around the age of 13-14 I figured out that the term gay not only had more than a derogatory meaning, and not only that, but that the new one might actually be applicable. So what do I do with this revelation? I go and tell my grandmother. She was the most supportive person in my immediate family at the time. (Unique family situation, long story) Well while she wasn’t thrilled with the idea, she wasn’t out right hateful when I pressed my viewpoint. My Grandfather on the other hand was quite the opposite. I expected her to tell him as they were very close. (I don’t blame her) His reaction was to spout off all the gay bashing talking points of his era, along with the you don’t know what you want, your only 14 routine. And when I tried to assert that I know what I like better than what he did, he went off calling me a fairy and balerina and so on. Maybe there was something to his point on me not knowing everything for sure, but not for the reason he thought. You see it’s kinda hard to label yourself gay and still have active attractions to women at the same time as men. (I didn’t know about bisexuality at the time) Well fast forward to the when I’m nearly 15. At this point I believe I’ve essentially gotten my grandmother to accept me as bisexual. (I think for her, given her age, that bisexuality was an easier prospect for her to swallow) My philosophy at this point was to just not disseminate the news to anyone else in the family, and at all costs try to keep it from my father. You can tell what ultimately happened. He found out, and his reaction was surprising. He didn’t seem so much angry as he seemed like the idea didn’t register in his head. Any attempts by me or my counselor (unrelated) to get him to understand and accept this (even as a possibility) were met with total denial to the point that it seemed like a mental block. He didn’t seem angry about it or anything, just his reaction was weird. Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to get everything down that happened. Now, is there anything I could have done to get a better response from any of the people mentioned above? I thank you for anything constructive you respond with.
     
  2. Calf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2016
    Messages:
    458
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    UK, Leeds
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There is no way to know whether you could have done anything different and it sounds as though you did whatever you thougt was best at the time.
    Considering what you have shared here, you have coped with each situation very maturely. Most people that age don't have to even think about these sorts of things so you should give yourself some credit for staying so strong while you work through it.
    It is difficult when others, especially those close to you, don't accept what you tell them. Unfortunately it will probably just be a case of waiting. Each person will deal with what you say in their own way and you can't control that. You may be able to help them to come to terms with their issues by reassuring them of how you feel about things.
    Is there any specific part of coming out that you feel you need guidance with? Perhaps what makes you feel most uncomfortable or difficult to express etc.