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My EX girlfriend outed me (31M) at work, i have no idea what to do....

Discussion in 'Coming Out Stories' started by Alexvivid1, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. Alexvivid1

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    Oh man im not feeling it, i keep trying to be strong but because we work so close to each other at our work place i keep getting down as i see the difference in peoples eyes, i need some moral support guys please send me your opinions, im not gay, i was merely bi-curious but everything is changed since people think im fully gay, I don’t want this feeling to carry on, i need a gf in my life assp, or either way i need a way out....
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I think sometimes the issue is we start to study peoples every move because we are so intent on noticing any differences in people, so we look at them in a way that we didnt before. This causes a couple of issues, firstly our own behaviour can change and because we change our behaviour people then do look at us in a different way. Secondly because we suddenly start to notice things that we didnt notice before, it doesnt mean they weren't there before, just that we didnt see them.
    Do you have any friends or people you talk to more at work?
     
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  3. Alexvivid1

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    That does make sense to be honest, i see those errors in myself these days, i have a few friends that i talk to about anything at work but not about this subject, but as i have changed shifts at work I don’t get to see them anymore, im kind of alone on the new shift which doesn’t help, couple of my very close friends started to ignore me on the other shift which got me down but I phoned one of them just to see why and he acted normal, I keep going up and down at the moment i need to hit a plateau of being good but I don’t know when, for me right now a normal life is the best gift tbh
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I know it feels as though every day is a lifetime at the moment but honestly it will get easier over time.
     
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  5. Alexvivid1

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    Thanks man I really hope so, im now working 2 jobs to keep myself as busy as possible, that way im not tempted to do drugs or alcohol to take my mind off things, i was smoking marijuana and drinking a lot of alcohol at the beginning of all this but honestly they make things a lot worse both physically and emotionally, since I’ve stopped all that things have been slightly better so fingers crossed
     
  6. silverhalo

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    I know it is tough but drink and drugs definitely wont make it better. How long is it since it happened?
     
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  7. Chip

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    Brené talks about "the story I'm making up", which are, basically, stories we tell ourselves, almost always negative, about how other people are responding to us, or what's going through their minds. Anyone with any sort of self-esteem issues is guilty of this. So when you say "you see it in their eyes", I'll give you 98% that this is a story you're making up, and what's really going on is you are seeing your own low self esteem, and nothing they are doing/saying/thinking. I know it's hard to imagine that, but give it some thought. It's highly likely they simply don't give a shit one way or the other.
     
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  8. Alexvivid1

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    Thanks guys these comments i can really relate to, yesterday i went to work and acted as happy as possible and it seems as though noone gives a shit as they were joking and laughing with me, its my own low self esteem that’s causing me harm atm, i haven’t touched drugs n alcohol for over a week now n feel much better, i kind if think people don’t believe i am gay either as they know me and im the most straight acting guy there is, i love joking n having a laugh with everyone and do a lot of physical jokes, I know i did have a minor thought about the same sex relationship but I honestly never see myself going out with a guy, its not because im scared or anything, im just not that person simple as that, I absolutely love gay, LGBT, lesbians etc as these people have gone through a lot and are almost 100% friendly, kind, outgoing and supportive, im just a man who was outed by hate of my ex and it fucked with me, im getting back to normal now and this site has honestly given me a lot of courage, thanks to you all
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I am glad you are feeling better and that the site has helped.
     
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  10. Alexvivid1

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    Thanks silverhalo, i try to keep it up :slight_smile:
     
  11. silverhalo

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    We all have wobbles from time to time.
     
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  12. Alexvivid1

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    Thats true, i find myself going up and down in my mood especially when I’m at work, home life is perfect i just don’t like working atm, i see my ex’s new boyfriend walking out of worlk sometimes and i just want to kick the shit out of him lol but i dont, i look the other way and move on, im upset and happy all the time and i have lost half of my personality, I feel like every day is another acting day on stage but it shouldn’t be, we only get one life so we should get to enjoy it, I cannot fully enjoy life atm no matter what i try
     
  13. Benway

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    If the state you live in is an "at will" state, you can fire her if you're her boss like you said you are. "At will" means you can say to someone "I don't like your shoes, you're fired." She crossed a serious boundary with you, and I think maybe she should pay for it with her employment, which, I think you said is under you.
     
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  14. silverhalo

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    In the UK we dont have this so perhaps it is just an alien concept to me but I wouldn't do this. I feel like doing this to her is stooping to her level and for the people that you will still be working with, who probably still would have contact with her, I think all that will happen is you will come across like the bad guy.

    It sounds like there are parts of your relationship that you miss and thats ok, even if breaking up is the right thing we can still miss things.
    What do you think is the biggest thing stopping you enjoying life?
     
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  15. Alexvivid1

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    Yeah that’s correct i do miss the times we had together, we spent 11 years together its not easy to forget and it does play a part in my sad feelings as i only picture our happy days, that said i have managed to stay positive the last few days by keeping really busy, i have got myself a weekend job too so im working 7 days a week, im not tired at all on the contrary im very energetic and much happier, compared to the times I would sit alone at home and drink these days are much smoother, i am not in a position to fire her and wouldn’t do that (I’d love to) but it wouldn’t bring me any peace, she has her baby to look forward to and an unplanned life, what ive heard is she is not a happy person at all atm, few of the guys who work with her have mentioned that to me, she has stopped going to her friends and family and is always in herself, she doesn’t talk much to people these days, i do feel a tad sorry for her but I keep thinking of what she’s done and quickly stop worrying myself over it, all in all im on a climb atm towards happiness and hope I don’t hit any stoppers, thanks for the comments guys hope you have a good life in front of you too :slight_smile:
     
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