1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My dreams that died

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Markness, Jul 21, 2021 at 12:56 PM.

  1. Markness

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Temple, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    - To have a loving girlfriend or wife (I am a heterosexual male). No matter what I do, I just can’t establish a loving relationship.

    - Play the guitar professionally. I just can’t play the instrument at a good level and struggle to even play simple songs. I can’t even write my own songs.

    - Drawing professionally. I just can’t draw anything that looks good and I suffer severe creative blocks. Everyone else does it better than me.

    - Write stories. I can’t create complex plots and dialogue. I am 32 years old but my mental age is below what it should be since I was bullied and denied expanding my knowledge.

    All my dreams have fallen and smashed on the ground. I knew life wouldn’t be without struggles but I thought as long as I had dreams, I would make it. Instead, I work a dead end job, I have no special talents, I am still bullied, and I don’t have a romantic nor sexual relationship. I go to my bed sad and alone every night while my four siblings do not. I feel like a loser.:disappointed:

    Can my dreams be picked up off the ground, dusted off, and tried for again or are they in graves and my posts are just like flowers left on them?
     
    #1 Markness, Jul 21, 2021 at 12:56 PM
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021 at 12:57 PM
  2. Unsure77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    456
    Likes Received:
    315
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Are there jobs that are sort of a middle ground that you might be interested in? Drawing professionally or playing music professionally are just extremely difficult professions to make a go of for anyone. Even the most talented among us. But, maybe you could be a graphic artist or a web designer or create ads or something. Still scratch that art itch in things that are easier to get into.

    It seems like building your confidence and figuring out some positive career steps might help on the romance front?
     
  3. Unsure77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    456
    Likes Received:
    315
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Also, on guitar, did you take formal lessons?
     
  4. Markness

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Temple, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I honestly don’t know. I know it sounds stupid to say that but it’s the truth. Every job I’ve seen involves having good people skills, high mathematical knowledge, putting up with a lot of pressure, and sometimes even being bloodthirsty. I am on the autism spectrum so I have poor people skills, I am terrible at math, I suffer stress easily, and I get stepped on because I am not aggressive. Partly why I still have the job I have is because the supervisor goes relatively easy on me. I’ve also been told you need at least an Associate’s Degree for jobs above minimum wage level income.

    I only have the job I’ve been at since high school was because my mother lined it up for me because she was paranoid of me graduating high school without having a job and she wanted me to go to college to get an associate’s degree in maybe history or library sciences. College I was told was going to be better than high school because there would be no cliques, people would be there because they want to further their education instead of being there because they were required by law, and I would figure out who I was along with finally finding the love of my life. Well, the opposite for everything was true. There were still cliques, I saw people only interested in partying despite how it was a dinky community college, I saw dead ends instead of doorways to possibilities, and the opposite sex still rejected me. I’ve never gotten a degree because not only did I flunk some courses and was limited by how many I could take because I had to work at the same time, I dropped out because I was burned out from being still socially rejected and not getting any dates. I am 32 and it feels pathetic that I don’t even have an Associate’s Degree.

    I’ve actually had women reject me for only working part time. For some reason, that’s a red flag for many women. I’ve seen homeless or unemployed people living on welfare in relationships. It’s like there is no middle ground. You either have to be unemployed or have a full time career or you can only expect no romance. :disappointed_relieved:
     
  5. Markness

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Temple, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I did but I still struggled with the instrument. If you asked me to play Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix, I couldn’t do it aside from the repeating notes intro because everything else in that song, especially the guitar solo, overwhelms my executive functioning. I thought music would be my niche because I found solace in it but I was mocked by others for my interest and was told it wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
     
  6. caden0803

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2021
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think you’re comparing yourself to others too much. As someone who struggles with this too I want to offer you some tips I’ve leaned so far in the drawing and writing categories. In drawing, I’ve shared mind with others on the internet who do it for fun. This gave me a mayor confidence boost in my own work artist abilities despite being a beginner because a lot of people actually liked my work. For writing, I’ve started to read more experienced writers to learn from their writing style. Currently fantasy because that’s my favorite genre, but a good author will tell you to branch out from just one genre too. There’s also an exercise where you take turns to write certain parts of a story with someone. Best part is the story doesn’t have to be complex or super detailed. The goal is strictly to have fun and get your creative juices flowing. When you feel ready to write something complex a good editor will be your friend to fix certain aspects that need improvement. You don’t have to give up your dreams with the right guidance so I hope this helps.
     
    Unsure77 likes this.
  7. caden0803

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2021
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Alabama
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Some fixes to my comment I tried to do but ran out of time: learned instead of leaned, I’ve shared my work, a major confidence boost in my work without artist abilities added on, and I’ve started to read more experienced author’s books. Everything else is how I wanted it. Sorry I messed up a lot. It would have bothered me if I didn’t fix them somehow.
     
    #7 caden0803, Jul 21, 2021 at 6:15 PM
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021 at 6:20 PM
  8. chicodeoro

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    As Unsure mentioned upthread all those creative pursuits you've mentioned are unbelievably difficult to make a living out of. I know because I've tried all three too!

    Knew early on I wouldn't be any good at art. I've been in various bands down the years none of which went anywhere (but which were a lot of fun!) and writing...well, that is my occupation - I'm a journalist - but what with the economic and technological landscape of 2021, I barely scrape a living. Writing fiction is even more difficult - the average annual income for a fiction writer in the UK is pitiful.

    Anyway, what I'm saying is that if you're going to do any of these, do them because you enjoy them, not because you're clinging on to dreams of 'making it'. I get the feeling you're sorely missing a sense of self worth and you need a support structure. Join a local writing group, look for people to play music with. You may make friends and you'll gain a sense of self worth from those friendships and before you know you'll start enjoying life, instead of endlessly comparing yourself to other people.

    Beth
     
  9. Markness

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Temple, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You have done more than I have, though. I never could get a band started because people either didn’t share my passion for music, had no room for me to enter their band so to say, some people wanted to start something but they either couldn’t actually play or we clashed musically, my inferiority complex made me withdraw from other musicians, or I was told that music was a dead end.

    There are no writing groups where I live. Writing is considered for “losers” in my area. I tried to start one in college but the club coordinator refused to help me. She didn’t like me at all.
     
  10. Markness

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2018
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Temple, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Dang time limit. I wanted to add that please don’t take what I say as shooting your ideas down. They are good ideas. My locale and the culture I live in prevent them from happening. :disappointed: I wish my mother chose to live in Austin and gave birth to me there instead of where I’ve lived all of my life.
     
    #10 Markness, Jul 22, 2021 at 8:56 AM
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2021 at 8:57 AM
  11. Unsure77

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2019
    Messages:
    456
    Likes Received:
    315
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I feel like you need to think more incrementally. You're sort of seeing these grand end goals (and they're good ones). But these are all big multi-year challenges that are going to take a series of baby steps and patience and persistence to get to. People who are amazing musicians, for the most part, spent years and years slowly working towards becoming so. Every long term relationship started as a new, short-term relationship. And for both of those kinds of things, there was likely a lot of failure and false starts along the way.

    I think what we're trying to get you to do is pick a single goal. And then figure out what are some baby steps TOWARDS that goal. If that goal is guitar, let's not think about how to become a professional guitar player in an amazing band just yet. How do you work towards being a better guitar player in 6 months than you are today? Just you playing by yourself? If you can't play Purple Rain, what is a song you CAN play? Ok, then what's a song that's just a little harder than the song you can play? Does it have some technique you need to master or some run you can't quite get? What are some steps you can take to learn to do that one thing more tomorrow (or next week or next month) that you couldn't do today? Is that taking lessons and having them show you how to break it down?

    If the goal is you improving your education, how do we find you a class (maybe just a single class) that moves you towards a degree? And don't worry about finding a future wife or a set of best friends in that class. Just focus on the class itself. How do you start and complete a class? Is that at community college? Is that an online class (so you can skip the social parts that stress you out?).

    If the goal is a better job, what kind of job do you want? And then what's a single step that might prepare you for that kind of job? That might make you better qualified? (not everything you need to do. What's just one thing? The smallest thing you can think of that would move you towards that goal?)

    Having goals is great, but day in day out, you have to focus on the baby steps. What's the next step? And then once you've made that next step, then what's the step after that? That's how you do big things. You do big things by doing a bunch of small things and then doing the next small thing and the next until you look back and realize that added up, they make a big thing.

    And here's the other important thing. If any one of these steps fail, what can you do to make it go a little better tomorrow when you try again? Was the step too big? Do you need to break it down more? Do you need to do something different? Because you're GOING to fail at some things. But you have to own it and find a way around it. But it's doable because we're just taking baby steps. And we're building up small successes along the way.
     
    #11 Unsure77, Jul 22, 2021 at 2:53 PM
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2021 at 2:57 PM
    chicodeoro and Mirko like this.