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My brother and trans stuff?

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Kodo, Jul 7, 2016.

  1. Kodo

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    So a year ago, I came out to my older brother as trans. He was the first in our family to know. At first he was really supportive, but since shied away and offered a half-cocked retraction of support. So I have no idea where he stands. Let alone, now he has moved to another state.

    But...

    One time I noticed in his watching history for Amazon that he'd seen Transparent. I didn't think much of it, other than it was odd because he said he didn't support transgender people. Now lately, in the Hulu watchlist there are five - five - shows about trans-women on que or partially watched.

    Now I wasn't trying to be nosy, but as a trans-guy these things naturally catch my attention. I'm so confused. He said he didn't support trans-people, but if he's actively searching out shows about them, what does that mean?

    Then something else came to mind, though I'm not certain how valid this thought is. All of these shows are about trans-women. Could it be that he is questioning his own identity? He has certainly never let on or shown any signs of a gender struggle, especially not for someone as loose-lipped as him, but I don't know.

    I was considering texting him about it, but I don't know how to go about that. What would you say? I'm very interested to see his stance on the topic.
     
  2. NoXsOrOs

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    Be in person, it is very easy to deny over text; but one more thing be CAREFUL. He may take it as you invaded his privacy and lost his trust, or that he can finally vent with you; or he may even blame you for being trans b/c you are. So please be careful if anything!
     
  3. vertical

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    Personally I would not ask him directly if he is trans...if he does have a somewhat negative view of trans stuff, he may get offended/angry. Maybe he is watching this stuff because you are trans, so he is curious? (There are not really many depictions of trans guys in the media, so most trans-related media would show trans women). If you still want to ask him about it though, you could try just mentioning that you've seen he was watching these shows, explain why it is surprising, and ask why?...I do agree with NoXsOrOs that it could seem like an invasion of privacy, even though the information is easily accessible.
     
  4. Eveline

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    It's much more likely that he is trying to educate himself about being trans for your sake. In the end he is your brother and likely cares about you. When I came out to both of my brothers they were extremely unsupportive but they still tried to educate themselves about the subject. The reason why all the shows are about trans women is that there are very little main stream shows that are about trans men. He probably searched for shows on Hulu about being trans and watched everything that he found which was all about trans women.
     
  5. Reggie

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    I wouldn't bring it up.

    I'd file it under "things I think my brother may have done to better understand me. He must care about me." It's not a conversation starter on your end.

    What are your experiences on being trans and how trans are portrayed in the media? If you can talk about that without it feeling forced, then maybe he'll volunteer watching some shows.

    Bottom line... you snooped around and found nothing conclusive to support anything other than your brother watches shows. It might be a coincidence they are trans. Were there no other shows at all in his history?

    It will reflect poorly on you to say you've been snooping.

    You asked what it meant. You'll get just as accurate meaning if you try to devine meaning from tea leaves. :slight_smile: Nobody other than your brother can know what it means. Maybe he was bored and flipping through? Maybe he was looking up shows by specific actors? Maybe he searched for a different show and was intrigued by the name of this one?
     
  6. GoodVibes117

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    to be honest, like the others have said, it seems like he is trying to educate himself for your sake, whether he'd admit to that or not. perhaps try to have a talk with him about where he stands on trans issues as of now, and express your feelings, without mentioning the snooping about? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  7. Creativemind

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    Agreed, he's probably trying to understand it, and shows with trans women are more common. Fiction doesn't always determine identity. I prefer watching crime documentaries and prefer writing bloodthristy villains, but I'm not a real life serial killer.
     
  8. Kodo

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    I talked to him, but not particularly about the shows. In a way, I came out again. He said that his opinion has changed about trans-people and that he supports me all the way.
     
  9. Invidia

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    Yay! That's great, Alec! (!) It must be nice to finally have someone in your family who respects you. :slight_smile:

    As a side-note: I think all the above suggestions as to the motivations of watching the shows are good. Another possibility I could add is that maybe it was, like, a bit of sexual thing. Many people find transgenderism hot. (Just throwing it out there as a possibility, not saying I think this is the case.)
     
    #9 Invidia, Jul 24, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  10. Glowing Eyes

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    Fantastic.
     
  11. jaska

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    If I had to make a guess, I probably assume he is trying his best to understand trans people better so he can support you better. obviously im being optimistic here, but that's just what I'd guess basing on what you said.

    Oh wow, just saw your last post and that's awesome!!!!
     
    #11 jaska, Jul 24, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  12. NoXsOrOs

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    Fantastic stuff, reminds me of my own brother :slight_smile: