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My Brain is fucked up

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leynz45, Jul 11, 2020.

  1. Leynz45

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    Last week i told that iam problems with the fear to gay.The problems are for 4 days gone.It dont know why?I had this fear for 3 years.Thats began when i see a good looking good friend i had suddenly a fear that when i find he is a good looking man than iam gay.Than i checked another man and suddenly feelings like when iam seeing a sweet girl.I had a fear that iam attracted to them.That was with 16.I dont watched any kind of homosexual porns.I remember that i wasnt interested to any kind of homosexual stuff.Every summer i was excited to another girls with her hot pants and topless shirts.I fall in love in different kind of womans and had many sexual fantasies with them.It was amazing.My thoughts came back when i was triggered by this situations:
    In school bathroom
    Gym
    at the beach

    I remember i made different tests until to see a man body than change to girl body.This felt like i got an erection but nothing happened.I tryed to masturbate to gay pictures but i felt after 4 minutes a erection but not from the pictures.I tryed to mastrubate to fantasies but it was really boring and i felt no the stimulance from this pictures.Every kind of emotions was for me a prove that iam gay.
    In my brain came questions like why are you happy because he is good looking or why are you feel like that your body is warm.It dont felt good.It was pure anxiety.This feelings are equal like when i love my parents and siblings.You must understand every day i wake up and get an morning boner and automatically the thoughts came back.I checked every sign of homosexual activity in my childhood like why i liked this guy as a friend,why i played also to with girls.Every sign gave me until today a fear.I can remember that i was erected in my childhood to woman and searched in the magazine girls with bikinis.The thoughts dont gone until today.I started to nofap for 5 days before i watched a lot of porn and i got only a big boner from girls.I tryed to fantasies to men but no erection nothing.My question is why is that happened.Last week i had a fear that iam attracted to a actor but today i know it was bullshit.All of this thoughts are bullshit but when iam focused at it feels realy real.
     
  2. Jaylah

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    If you're attracted both to men and women, then by definition you're not gay but bisexual.
    When I was younger I had periods where I struggled with accepting my attraction towards men. I'm afraid there is nothing you can do about it, it's subconscious. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to men, but I know that societies all over shame you for these feelings. I've had periods of deep denial, during which my attraction towards men seemed to disappear for a while, but just like the tide goes away yet always comes back, my attraction towards men also inevitably surged after a time.
    It would be for the best if you could accept this aspect of yourself, but it's certainly not easy, believe me I know.
     
  3. Leynz45

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    But iam not sexual attracted to them.That i want to say.
     
  4. Jaylah

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    Then you're a biromantic heterosexual male.
    This too is normal. Romantic and sexual orientations can be separate and it's possible for someone to be romantically attracted to a gender they are not sexually attracted to.
     
  5. Leynz45

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    Hm sexuality is so difficult.
     
  6. Leynz45

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    Sorry for double post:

    That reason why i have this fear is that i had in the past until today different fears like social phobia.
    Nobody can me say when someone is gay why exist homosexual people.I had this question in the past because i dont unterstood how can someone be gay.I know i was young and a dumbass but i dont understand it :slight_smile:Its literally war in my brain to discover my sexual orientation.Last week i was bisexual yesterday i was gay. tommorow maybe i will be pan or something else.
     
    #6 Leynz45, Jul 11, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2020