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my boyfriend is- well, homophobic ig

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by alexqueen, Mar 24, 2019.

  1. alexqueen

    Regular Member

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    so i've been dating this guy for a while now and I came out to him as genderfluid, but a guy most of the time. he then started freaking out and saying he was gonna kill himself because if i was a guy then that made him gay. I told him not to kill himself (he was incredibly suicidal before but he was doing really well) and he said that now he had a reason to. He said that his parents are homophobic and they would think he was a failure. I got sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo incredibly livid but i wouldn't let it show for some reason. Using his logic that means that millions of people should just die. idk what to do. he won't call me by my pronouns and he he keeps using my deadname. I love him,and he keeps on saying that im the only reason he's still alive. I just. idk.
     
  2. Humbly Me

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    This is a horrible situation. He is dependent on you and unable to accept who you are at the same time. It's up to you whether you keep saying him or not. It isn't healthy for you to be in such a relationship but you clearly don't want to risk him making a very bad decision. Understandably hard but you just have to do what you think is right. If you want consultation on what might help w/ depression you can respond here or on my wall, but getting him to cooperate might not be that easy.
     
  3. smurf

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    Phew, there is a lot.

    1) Why do you think you love someone who shows no respect for who you are as a person? He literally doesn't care about your feelings or your well-being. Sounds harsh, but that is what he is showing you.

    2) You are not responsible for his actions. The whole "I will kill myself if you leave me act" is manipulative and toxic behavior in order for people to remain control of a situation by force. Its abusive to you and it will not stop.

    I would highly suggest you walk away from him even though it might be super painful at first. This is not good for you long-term

    Really sorry you are going through this.
     
    Chiroptera likes this.
  4. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

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    I totally agree.

    You deserve someone better, someone that respects you for who you are. You aren't obligated to stay in a manipulative and toxic relationship.

    I would also suggest you walk away from him as soon as possible. He may pull the card of threatening to kill himself, but don't let that manipulate you. If you think there is a real possibility of he doing something like that, you may warn his parents or someone related to him, but let that hold you back in your decision to stop seeing him, if you agree with our points.

    You aren't responsible for his actions, and you shouldn't keep yourself in a bad relationship because of his issues. His prejudice and difficulties are things you can't change, and he needs to work on that by himself and with therapy. You aren't his therapist and you don't have to endure his prejudice.

    I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. No one deserves to be in a relationship where respect isn't present.