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My boyfriend came out to his twin brother!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bookwormBRAZIL, Jun 15, 2016.

  1. bookwormBRAZIL

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    My boyfriend wasn’t out to his twin (identical!) brother and to the rest of his family when we began our relationship. Until Monday.
    On Monday, his most closed and intimate cousin asked him in a Whatsapp group if he was gay. According to her, she asked this question because he changed his profile picture into a colorful one on Facebook after Orlando shooting (i.e., with rainbow colors, in “support” to what happened Saturday). Basically her words were: “E***, be genuine, sincere with me: are you gay. It will be the gossip of the year and I want to be the first to know!”.
    Well, my boyfriend’s identical twin, who is straight and voter for one of the most homophobic Brazilian politicians (Jair Bolsonaro, for anyone who want to research about him), didn’t know about my boyfriend sexuality.
    The problem is: my boyfriend decided to tell his cousin and brother that he is gay in the group after the unexpected question. When he did it, his twin left the group with no reason.
    Now, since my boyfriend came out, his brother had stopped talking to him. I don’t know if this happened because he is surprised. I don’t know if my boyfriend’s brother is homophobic. I don’t know. And I am suffering so much because of my boyfriend’s distress.
    What can I do to help him? I don’t want he become depressed. He was so hopeful about a good reaction from his family but it didn't happen.
    Help :rolle:
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Oh, Bolsonaro... let's hope our people are smart enough to not vote for him on 2018.

    First question: Is your boyfriend safe? It seems that his brother is, indeed, homophobic. Did he just stopped talking to your boyfriend, or did he threatened him? Does your boyfriend feel safe?

    If security is a concern, talk to him and decide what's the best move in the current situation. Safety is priority number one.

    If his family doesn't present any danger, he should consider either talking to his brother about this (calmly), or waiting a few days and then talk to his brother. In my opinion, he should plan the approach so it mitigates any conflicts that might arise.

    For example, as much as i understand if he wants to discuss everything right away, like his brother voting for Bolsonaro, i think he should do things slowly and calmly, like explaining to his brother that he didn't change, that he is just the same person as always and that he is open to talk about it.

    This is just a general idea. Your boyfriend knows his brother, so he should think about it and decide the best approach to this situation, considering his brother's personality.

    And, again, if safety is a concern, prioritize it. Your boyfriend's health is of utmost importance.
     
  3. bookwormBRAZIL

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    Hi, Chiroptera! Thank you for your advises!

    So, my boyfriend is thankfully safe :slight_smile: Even though he is not financially independent (he has just graduated from college and is waiting a nomination in a open public selection to become a civil servant), he doesn't run the risk of being expelled from home as well. My boyfriend's security is preserved.

    Anyway, something good happened last night!!! My boyfriend told me that his brother started to talk to him again. Unfortunately his brother decided to not touch on the subject... He is talking to him as if never really had happened. But, well, it is a good update, I think.

    On Saturday, my boyfriend, his cousin and his brother are going to go the movies. They are going to watch the Warcraft movie. Do you think it is a good opportunity to discuss, explain everything?

    Well... Thank you! I'm sure that it gets better :slight_smile:
     
  4. mirkku

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    Good to know that your boyfriend is safe! That's the most important thing for now.

    Talking after a movie around a coffee or something is normally quite a relaxed situation, so yes, perhaps he could bring up the subject again. A few days would have passed so the information would have sunk in already into the mind of his twin brother. Initial shock: passed! :slight_smile: His brother might also be a bit in distress regarding his political choices, now that he knows it might hurt the well-being of your boyfriend if he supports this candidate. So perhaps a bit of guilt is involved here, and amplified his initial reaction.

    I hope everything will go smoothly and that his family will be supportive! :slight_smile: Stay strong~
     
  5. andimon

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    I can totally relate to your boyfriend. My brother is kind of homophobic and ever since I came out to him he never brought it up in a conversation. He is avoiding the subject and made it quite clear he is not comfortable with me being gay.

    I just hope the whole thing will develop differently in your boyfriend's case :slight_smile:
     
  6. Miaplacidus

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    Maybe the homophobic brother is having sexuality issues of his own. All cases I know of of gay people with twin siblings, their twin is gay too (I know this is hardly scientific, BUT...)

    I'd just wait and see. There really isn't no point in trying to convince a homophobe that being gay is OK, even if it's your brother.

    Regarding Bolsonaro... Brazil has always been a country of contrasts. Even in the subject of sexuality, you get people like Bolsonaro and Edir Macedo in the country with the "gayest" cities in the world.
     
  7. Chiroptera

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    That's good! :slight_smile:
    That's also great!


    Honestly, i think it may be better to let things settle down for a bit, especially since his brother just started talking to him last night (or the night before, since i'm answering a day late it seems, sorry).

    I think they should just go and enjoy the movie (by the way, Warcraft is f* awesome! For the Alliance!). If his brother brings up the subject, then great. If not, your boyfriend already told him, so i think that forcing the subject may make things worse for now, unfortunately.

    After things have settled down for a bit (peraphs after a few weeks? Tell him to check his brother's mood and see if things are getting back to normal again), then i think your boyfriend could say something like: "Hey brother, just wanted to let you know that i was serious when i told you about my sexuality. As you can see, i didn't change and i'm still the same person. If you have any questions or if you want to talk about it, i'm here!"

    But he shouldn't feel any pressure to talk to his brother, if he doesn't want to. After all, he already came out. But, if he feels that it may be worth to reassure to his brother that he didn't change and that there is nothing wrong with him, then it may be worth it. It depends on their relationship and on his comfort in talking about it, really.
     
  8. bookwormBRAZIL

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    Thank you, guys! My boyfriend is much better now, and after all that happened last week, he is letting the dust settle. In a certain way, probably I was really worried with him because my process of coming out was a little bit disturbed, bothered (I remember my nerves when I told my mom I am gay :eusa_doh: ) and I thought that it would be very similar to his process of coming out too. But life experiences are different... And it is good , isn't it?
    Anyway... Thank you! Thank you very much! (*hug*)