I scheduled a zoom call with LGBT counselor Thursday. This will be the first time I will be face to face with someone and telling them I am gay. I know that may not seem like a bit step, but it has taken me a long time to get here! I remember when I first came here, an anonymous message board, my fingers were trembling as I typed... after that I finally got the courage to call an LGBTQ hotline - although anonymous, I realized how scared and nervous I was. So this is a new barrier. Last night I called the same hotline for support. They were very helpful. I realize I am totally comfortable and happy about being gay when I am in a safe LGBTQ environment - I have a fear of my 'normal' life. I affirmed with them how happy I am to accept my sexuality, and since accepting myself, how much I want to date and be with a man romantically and sexually.
That's wonderful! I remember the first time I told someone that I was bisexual. I was super nervous as well but getting it off my chest was such a relieving feeling. As weird as it may sound, it was almost euphoric!
Out2019, it’s a huge step. Congrats because what you are doing takes courage. Every step you take brings you another step closer to your eventual liberation. You are that much closer to the open gay life you desire. Each step you take reinforces your determination to live the life you desire. We get one chance at this life and we all need to live it the way that fulfills us and makes us happy to be alive. Your story is one that helps as all in our individual voyages to our authentic self. I wish you well on your call!
It's really good to read about your progress in your journey. Congratulations on your journey so far. You have accomplished so much already. I'm sure your zoom call is going to go well.
I know there is no magic -it's all about steps, sometimes slipping back, but always moving forward. But I really feel like this one - face to face will is as a big moment as when I first posted here, and first told someone over the phone.
I did it! I feel so happy. I talked to a counselor, I felt so totally comfortable and happy saying I was gay, that I wanted to date men, to come out! I realize I need to talk to someone IRL (or zoom during covid) - when you get out of your head it starts to feel so real!
@out2019 thats amazing, you have come so far and you are an inspiration to all of us in the same position..
out2019.....I came out for the first time here on Empty Closets in December 2014. It was a very emotional experience and the people here on EC helped me that night as I was in a very, very bad place. Over the next year, I gradually learned a lot about what being LGBTQ+ meant. However, I still had never come out to anyone in person. I can remember the first time I said "I am gay" out loud to a real person, face-to-face. It took me a long time to get the words out even though I was talking to a licensed therapist who could not legally tell anyone what I said without my permission. When I did manage to say it, I was crying so hard that he barely could hear me, although by then he knew exactly what I was going to say. Since then I've called it a "waterfall of tears". BUT, when I finally said it, I knew that I was on the right road. I didn't have a complete change in my life the moment I said the words, I just knew that I was really on the right track. Over the next weeks and months my attitude towards life, which had already been changing, changed faster and people around me who had no idea that I was gay noticed the change! That is what you need to realize! Your life is on a path that can lead to personal acceptance and that is wonderful! .....David
Thanks! I remember when I first came here my hands were shaking as I typed "I am gay" I could never have imagined ever, saying it to someone.... I think the battle inside is mostly over. My 'worries' more are about how date, how to come out, not should I.....Every interaction I have had with other LGBTQ folks made me feel so alive and comfortable. It's not longer just about sex or even personal romance, it felt so 'normal' to just tell them I liked guys. My "straight life" is so dull and gray compared to that because it's just a lie.
Out2019, now that you have truly started the next phase of your coming out process don’t let fear hang you up. That heady feeling of coming out as gay only continues to build if you let it. Allow yourself the freedom to continue to coming out totally. Don’t get trapped in the never never land of never coming out completely. It doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as you keep moving forward toward being out and developing a real relationship with another man. The emotional and physical pleasure of finally being able to be with another man without fear, guilt or reservations is unbelievable. It will make this difficult voyage you are on well worth it!
This is so well said. I too felt that my straight life was dull, boring and totally lacking passion due the fact I was pretending for so long. Finally admitting once and for all I was gay opened such a wonderfully satisfying vista of emotions and sensuality I never knew existed.
Congrats on having made such a difficult step!!!! Progress isn't linear all the time, but from now on everything will tend to get better, if you keep being brave and taking the necessary steps. Should we call you "Out2021" now? ^^
