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My best friend likes the girl who likes me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by grayman, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. grayman

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    Just wanted to get this off my chest, and I'm also planning on discussing it with my therapist. I have a friend, a cute girl, nice personality, who likes me. I'm a bisexual man who is more into women than men and while I totally would have sex with her, she's not really my type and it would be nothing more than a meaningless hook up to me, so I don't want to feed into her feelings about me because she's expressed on multiple occasions that she has some pretty deep romantic feelings for me that go beyond just physical attraction. Put simply, as I said, she's not my type and I'm just not that into her.

    That being said, I'm having some feelings of guilt because, at one time, I probably would've hooked up with her, even knowing that my best friend (male) has some deep romantic feelings for her, but she has him so thoroughly deep in the friend-zone that I'm sure he'll never get out.

    I feel mad at him for not cutting ties with her, as trying to be "just friends" with someone who you're romantically attracted to is complete nonsense, because to him, it's not a friendship at all, it's him hoping that she'll one day "come to her senses" and date him, i.e. settle. It'd be one thing if he just thought she was hot and she rejected him, so they went back to being friends, but it's another entirely considering the fact that he feels much more than just a physical attraction for her. If I was nosier I'd pull him aside and say, "What is wrong with you? Cut the cord and tell this girl you don't want her around anymore." It's like she basically sees you as one of her girlfriends, so stop the nonsense and tell her you don't wanna be friends anymore.

    I also feel mad at her because I feel like she should be the one to just act like the adult and end the friendship. And I get it...Sometimes we just like the attention that the opposite, or same, sex gives us and so even though we'll never give the person what they really want, we'll keep them around for the cuddling and the pseudo-dinner-dates and most importantly, the friendship. So I don't think she's leading him on, in fact, I think she's made it quite clear she doesn't want anything more than a friendship with him, but I just feel like she should be the adult and end the friendship, especially since every few months he feels the need to re-confess his feelings for her, I believe in an attempt to try to win her over... the whole "maybe this time" attitude.

    I don't know, it's a messy situation and I know people have been through it a million times before me, but I just wish they would both date each other and keep me the hell out of it. He doesn't know she likes me and she's afraid to tell him, so on and so forth. It's just shitty.

    I don't know, end of rant lol.
     
  2. Fishtail

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    Just a though maybe you can lie and say to her you are dating someone,
    maybe get a friend to be you fake date.
    Usual I don't advice to lie about relationship status
    but that's the only idea that comes to me for her to get over you?

    If anybody have a better idea, let him know.

    Ps. I'm very sorry but I both laughed abit and facepalmed while reading you posting.
     
    #2 Fishtail, Feb 10, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2019
  3. grayman

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    I wasn't necessarily looking for advice, but thank you. I don't really feel the need to lie to her; if she continues to push the thought of wanting to hook up with me or date me I'll simply tell her maybe it's best we don't talk about. I don't want to do to her what she's doing to my best friend.

    Also what part is funny? lol I'm legitimately curious. What made you facepalm? Do you think I'm wrong about something?
     
  4. grayman

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    *FIXED
     
  5. Fishtail

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    >>I wasn't necessarily looking for advice, but thank you.<<
    Oh man I didn't read your "Just wanted to get this of my chest" and "end of rant".
    Since this is a advice and support thread section.
    Was still abit sick&tired while writing the 1 posting here.

    >>I don't really feel the need to lie to her; if she continues to push the thought
    of wanting to hook up with me or date me I'll simply tell her maybe it's best
    we don't talk about. I don't want to do to her what she's doing to my best friend.<<
    It was just the one thing that I though of for her to get over you if her confessions
    lasted longer than 4 month, because I read is as you want to be friends with her.

    >>Also what part is funny? lol I'm legitimately curious.<<
    You writing was easy to read, since english isn't my 1 language.
    So I could easily picture the situations in my head.

    >>What made you facepalm? Do you think I'm wrong about something?<<
    That you guyfriend seems to be too nice to her and may be therefore in her friendzone?
    I don't know if you are wrong about something but maybe the next time she
    talks about her feelings to you just ignore her or walk away.
    Because even though you rejected her every time,
    you still acknowledged her existence while she confessed.
    I read it has something to do with psychological or brain stuff,
    look it up if you but it's something I can't really understand, heh.
     
    #5 Fishtail, Feb 11, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2019
  6. grayman

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    Hm, interesting thoughts. Yea I feel at some point I'll have to simply ghost on her. She keeps saying she knows I don't want a relationship but is willing to hook up and blah blah blah. The problem is I know that would fuel her attraction for me and I just don't want to hurt her because I care about her on some level.

    But yea I was just ranting; then again advice is always welcome. If I hear something that I can apply then that's cool, but if not that's fine too, I really just need to get this off my chest.