My best friend could be bi. I don't know how to handle it

Yes... and that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to risk our friendship. It feels so nice, so warm, so happy to have him back in my life, that I don't want to "take advantage" of his sudden change of mind. I wish I could have sexual encounters with my friends, as other friends of mine have with theirs, without compromising their friendship... but I don't dare

 

Hi.

I need to make a reply in this thread.

In the past months since spring, things are finally 100% well and right with my friend. All the anger we had towards each other has fade away. We talk a lot now, we trust each other again, and we didn't have to talk about what happened last year... until yesterday.

We went out to have some drinks as I'm leaving tomorrow, back to my "new" home ("new"... although it's been now 5 years since I moved away, but distance is always hard). I don't drink alcohol, as I now that it's bad for my anxiety. He drinks, a lot.

So yesterday we spent all night together. I had to talk to him about things at home that worried me, and the conversation lead us to talk about how much our friendship means to us. We began talking about last year, at last. I "broke up" with him (and other friends) by email. It's something I deeply regret now.

And, as we talked, we both grab our hands. It's something I'm used to when I'm with him. As well as telling ourselves "I love you".

But... I noticed that we were going deeper, emotionally speaking. Talking about the importance of loving each other.

And he was drunk. I took my car and left him at his house. And then he convinced me to go there and take the last drink together.

Then we laid on the sofa, he was shirtless (as he is used to when he is at home) and, suddenly...

Ok, there was no sex. But I fear things went out of control.

We began squeezing together. Holding hands. My head on his shoulder. And... we began hugging. Strong and narrow hugs. Carressing our backs, hair, arms, hands, face. Kissing each other on the neck, cheeks, but no lips (although we were very, very close to). And we couldn't stop. I couldn't: I needed to have him into my arms, and he didn't let me go. As long as we finished hugging, we looked at each other at the eyes and we hug again. We went back to just holding hands, but then there we went again hugging, kissing on the face, deeply breathing over his neck.

And we couldn'g stop saying "I love you". And further: "You give meaning to my life", "I'd give my life to you", "I couldn't live without you", "I love you more than I love a lot of people".

I know he was drunk, so drunk... and I was not.

It was one of the most intimate moments I've ever had not only with a person, but with a friend... and even a gay.

And it was with the friend that is exploring his bisexuality (although he is more into girls... and he is going to start a relationship with a girl right now), and I was deeply in love with years ago, and I know that I still have strong feelings for him that are purely romantic... but yesterday night I couldn't avoid the full erection between my legs and the smelly stain on my pants (sorry for being rude here), that I fear now that he could notice.

I was feeling so comfortable, so safe with him... and also worried, as I knew we were close to cross the line. I put all my efforts in avoiding it.

But, at the end, we stood up of the coach, a last deep hug... and he began crying. A lot. Full of sorrow and pain. Drunk cry, I know... but my best friend was crying as I was holding him, and he couldn't stop.

"I thought I'd lost you last year... It was so painful for me... I thought it was the end... I love you... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

Finally, he stopped crying. I proposed him to stay there with him at night, thinking that sleeping with him could help him to relax. But he refused it. Back in my car, I texted him: "I love you. You are the most special person that I've had the luck to meet. Call me tomorrow if you want, when you want to". His answer: just "I love you so much".

And... now I feel nervous. I can make so many interpretations about what happened yesterday.

But I can't find the words. I don't know what's happening right now.

 

I can't stop thinking about this. I'm not forcing you to answer (I'm not the most active member of this forum, though...), but I've been all day remembering every detail, every word. My friend and I haven't spoken yet. I'd like to tell him a lot of things. I realize it: I'm in love with him. As a friend, yes. But I'm not sure if nights like last night are... normal? Do we have to deal with so strong mutual affection?

Damn... my mind is crazy tonight.

 

I was afraid of that kind of answer... but I really thank you for it, Chillton, because I needed to hear that.

We've been friends for 14 years. We never had any situation like last night until now. Yes, when we began being friends his attitude was confusing for me, as a guy and a gay guy: he used to hug you when you were feeling down, hold your hand when you were shaking, and say "I love you" to his male friends. I liked him a lot, and I desired them to be signals of his romantic affection for me. But they were not. He was straight. I've know all his girlfriends. And he never crossed any line with me when he was drunk (and we've been through lots, lots of crazy nights together).

But now... something has changed, definitely. He began exploring his bisexuality: and it was no surprise for me, as I always suspected it... but also wanted it to be true. And last night... oh, damn, I see it now, Chillton: it was romantic, not only friendship. And maybe he doesn't know it.

A relationship is impossible between us. We live in different and distant towns. We are too complicated: I don't want to risk our friendship. However, whatever has to happen, let it happen. But about yesterday I'm sure of one thing. Of course he was overreacting due to alcohol. But the origin of that "passion" of yesterday was... he suffered a lot when I "broke up" with him last year. Because it was a break up. I know it. That's why it was so overwhelming to me being far away from him... even when I was the one who went away with no explanations and lots of anger. So yesterday, when I saw my friend crying and screaming because of the remembrance of what happened between us, and the feeling of having me, us, again there, physically... oh, damn, I think it had to be too much. Maybe I was not the only in love with his friend. Maybe he was too... and doesn't know it yet.

Neither do I. But it's the only explanation that I find. And I need to talk to him... but I don't know how to focus the conversation. It didn't feel bad, it was the most intense expression of love that I've received from my best friend. It's a reconciliation, yes. But I fear it could bring me, and us, to a point of no return.

 

Thank you, Chillton. I know it was not bad behaviour from him. We know what we both have been going through. We know how hard has it been the time we've been apart from each other. But I don't want to fall again to be in love with my best friend, both romantically and sexually. And I can live in a romantic relationship based in friendship, but things could be directed now to another point, so boundaries are needed.

I don't know how to address the subject with him, but there's one thing I need to talk to him for sure. He needs the chance to tell me who I am for him. Not "what", but "who". And deserves that chance of finally telling me how it was the "break up" last year. Because I don't want that conversation to end woth his drunken tears in my hands. Because we are friends.

And, after that, the other point: if that night he was gay or I was a girl, the end would have been different and definitely sexual. I was more "touchy, but he didn't refuse me, it was not uncomfortable for him, and he was always hugging me and holding hands, and telling me how much he loved me, missed me, needed me. It went both ways. So we need to clarify what happened. I'm not overreacting, right? It's true?

 

I'm not sure, JT1999. I'd hope to, but my friend and I are both too complicated. Dealing with anxiety and depression, and sometimes obsessive thoughts, and after all we've been through as friends... If we had sex, it could damage our friendship, I fear. As he is figuring out his identity as bi, and for me the idea of male friendship has always been a mystery... I'm not sure if this could be a good idea.