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My 7 year old told me he likes boys last night

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Nessakaye, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. Nessakaye

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    Last night my 7 year old told me he likes boys we were joking around about his older brother (hes 22) recently brought home a new girlfriend to meet us I'm a single mom.. Anyway I was joking and said it's a good thing I liked her because if not it could make things harder (my son just broke it off with a girl I didnt like very much because she was emotionally abusive to my son) so I was relieved to meet a new girl that seems really amazing anyway my 7 year old and I were talking about it and he asked me what would I think if he brought home a boy he liked we were laughing and I was ticking him and I kinda sat up and paid attention and told him that would be ok he then said good because I like boys and then kinda looked embarrassed so I said that's ok he said but it's not a girl I said I know and it's still ok and then he looked embarrassed again and started a pillow fight kinda like ok I'm done talking about this.. So a little back story last year he started kinder and he met a boy that he really loved to play with he told me last year that he wanted to marry this boy thinking that he was confused I told him it was ok but most of the time boys liked girls and married girls when they got older I know I know bad mom but i really thought he was to young to understand and thought he just liked the boy in his class because most kids at this age want to marry the closest person to them.. Ok so he didnt say anything else for the last year till last night but I've been waiting and listening so I could correct myself without making a big deal of it so then he said but hes a boy can I marry him and I said yes and he seemed happy!! So my question is how many of you knew at this age? How hard was it at school? I think my first reaction was out of fear for him as well because I was worried he would go to school and tell the boy he liked him and he would make a big deal out of it and tell his parents and the kids at school and then all the kids would make fun of him and the parents wouldnt allow him at play dates etc.. I fully support him no matter what but I just dont know what to do to help him at school I was bullied as a child and I do everything in my power to not let that happen to my kids all tho i know there is only so much i can do.. I do know times are changing and there is a lot more acceptance now in the community I'm just worried for him.. Also this morning I caught him tucking his penis behind him and looking in the mirror I asked him what he was doing and he said nothing and I said were u trying to see what it would look like without a pepe and he said yes so I asked him do you like being a boy and he said I love being a boy so I just left it I think he was just curious.. side note when he was small I let him play with whatever toys he liked so we bought him a few dolls because he loved the cartoon the dolls were in but now he wont even look at that kind of stuff so I figured he grew out of it now its girls toys are yucky... Any advice on how to handle this would really be appreciated I really want to support him and fully accept him for who he is I'm just scared for him is all!! Thanks
     
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  2. Shallow waters

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    It took me a bit to realize I was gay myself but once I really started realizing I thought back about my past and saw that I was gay my whole life but never knew it till sexuality and all became an important part to me around middle school. As for school, I wonder if the area your in is more of an accepting enviroment, but for me, it was an issue in 9th, I was in a school of people who hated the idea of it, I was outted one day and I was targeted against for it, I wasn’t really assaulted but I was bullied quite a lot and I don’t personally take offense to words, but I was called “faggot” and all that in a meant to be harmful manner. I understand your concern for your child and his life in school, I think you should find out how the area you are at views homosexuality, maybe talk to him about this and how he should only tell people he can ultimately trust. As for the penis thing, that just might be him just doing that for fun, I would do that as a kid thinking it was just funny the way it looked.
     
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  3. PatrickUK

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    I think the best thing is to see how things evolve over the next few years and continue to remain kind, supportive and open minded. I remember saying the same thing as your son when I was at primary school and it didn't actually mean I was gay (at that time). At the age of 7 many boys will say they like/prefer other boys, only because that's who they play with most of the time. It's more of a relational or kinship thing than a sexual thing, if that makes sense.

    As your son reaches puberty he may begin to pay more of an interest in the opposite sex, or realise, like me, that his preference for boys goes beyond a common bond of friendship and means something deeper and more intimate. Only time will tell.

    You are doing just fine. Keep things nice and calm, reassure him that you love him no matter what and avoid dismissive comments like "it's just a phase". If it transpires that he is gay, he will be more likely to confide in you later if you set the right tone now.

    Hope you will stick around and keep us updated from time to time. We like to help parents who want to do the right thing... and you are doing the right thing, by being open minded and accepting. The world needs more parents like you.
     
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  4. Totesgaybrah

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    Thank you for being so supportive of your son and taking time to reach out here. The world needs more people like you.

    I knew for sure at 12 but I remember telling my dad on the way home from school when I was 10 that I only liked boys. He laughed and said that would change in a couple years, obviously that didn’t change.

    You’re right to be concerned about bullying, especially before high school kids can be so mean. The worst was 7th-9th grade.
    I somehow wasn’t bullied much but I think I was just lucky. There’s only so much you can do about that since you can’t be with him at school. I’m not sure what is the best approach to handling that.
     
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  5. Jarak

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    Give it time. If at puberty he feels the same, then I’d focus on the best ways to support him.
     
  6. Biguyjosh

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    You're being a good mom. I didn't know at his age but as others said it could be that he plays with other boys so it could be just his age. He might change as he gets closer to puberty or he might know now.
     
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  7. InbornGame

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    Yep. You’re definitely a great mom. And he may or may not know right now (I was in high school before I seriously considered that I could be gay, but looking back, there were plenty of clues). I think the only thing you can do is make sure he knows that you love him no matter what (which it sounds like you’re already doing).
     
  8. Cognition

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    When I was 6, I took it upon myself to propose to my (female) best friend. I remember it clearly: "My mummy says that girls can get married to other girls, so do you want to marry me?" We then spent the following year blissfully engaged whilst all the other girls went around chasing boys and entering week-long relationships, giggling at their frivolity.

    I mean, marriage equality wasn't actually a thing back then, but I'm grateful to my mum for telling me it was and supporting my 7-year-old fiancee and I in our marital endeavours. If your son does turn out gay, he may well remember conversations like this, and it's a good thing if he recalls your attitudes as accepting. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Nessakaye

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    Thank you so much I dont know why on just seeing all these messages now ive been waiting for notifications that I had replies and just assumed my post got lost on the many many posts on this forum.. He hasnt said anything since that day and I haven't brought it up again so I'm just waiting for him to talk to me!! Thanks again for the response!!
     
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  10. Fuzzy

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    I was totally oblivious to this sort of stuff at that age. However, I was a student teacher in a class where a 6 or 7 year old boy kept going on about how cute another boy in the class was. I had to let him know he was making the other boy uncomfortable. It sounds like you have done a great job of making yourself someone he can talk to. Keep up the good work.
     
  11. Lgbtqpride

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    When I was a kid, I do not care about gender, it means noting to me.I think boy and girl is the same. There is no difference. We are all human.
     
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  12. Cocolo

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    I was in grade school ... just leaving grade school so like 6th grade, but in the era that I grew up in it wasnt an openly discussed thing like it is today... but yeah, I think around 7 these days its possible for him to sense that about himself, particularly in a cultural climate where being gay is more acceptable than it has ever been in recent history.
     
  13. Rade

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    I knew I liked boys at age 8ish, way before puberty started....so I'm sure I was born gay. I know people have different beliefs on this but for me I've always been not straight. Even though I did marry a woman, we're now separated and I love men!!
     
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  14. Brandy Bee

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    That's so cute!
     
  15. furfrou950

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    I knew in about second grade.. nobody's too young to understand. People always change~
     
  16. faultyink

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    when I was in kindergarten (age 5-6) I had a big crush on the teacher, and when I was 7 I had a lot of crushes on various girls. then when I was 10 I had a massive crush on a girl and it was really a huge crush, especially for a 10 year old XD I suppose that goes to show it is entirely possibly to know which gender you're into at a young age