Hello everyone, hope you're all well. I've been lurking for a while and finally decided to make this post. Thanks in advance for reading. Brief background: I'm 30 y/o bisexual female in a 3 year relationship with a guy. I came out as bi in my early 20s, and I have had relationships with women and men in the past. However, this is my longest relationship I have been in. Currently: I feel like we have a good relationship in most ways. We've done so much together and I do love him. We've had some difficulties lately, which is of course exacerbated by lock down. We're working on them, (though I feel like most of the 'work' and talking is coming from me). Why I've been freaking out over the past few months is that, though I'm happy in this relationship, I feel we are lacking the emotional connection I want from a 'forever' relationship. He can be quite distant, and it's like my eyes have been opened to this during the lock down as we're spending a lot more time together. Another part of this is... I really enjoy consuming social media content from lesbian couples. I enjoy watching their videos and looking at their instagram photos, etc. It makes me feel happy and comfortable, safe. Don't get me wrong - I fully accept that it isn't exactly 'real' and we only get to see the highlights. I felt the same way before I met my boyfriend, and followed the same couple I'm following now. It's just got really intense again lately. But I guess there are two questions I am constantly asking myself and I am really panicking about it, because neither are great. So first, I think, "Why do I want a wife so much?" and my second is, "Or do I just admire and want the emotional connection that (I think) they have?" I hope this all makes sense. This all feels like one big secret and I'm a bit embarrassed about it, if I'm honest, (hello lack of esteem/sense of self and internalised homo/biphobia?) Has anyone been in a similar situation?
Hi! Lock down has been hard for many people. Couples do spend much time together, especially if they live in the same house, but relationships are not 'programmed' to work properly under these circumstances, - locked under the same roof 24/7, or be apart for so long because they are not allowed to visit each other. Plus, a universal crisis can 'cause negativity which intensifies any doubts, desires, second thoughts etc that may occupy your brain way more than they should. My advice is to talk to your partner about him being distant. The whole situation might be hard for him too, or he may have another explanation for this behavior. Your need to consume this kind of social media content may be a result of this distance you are currently experiencing in your relationship. Tell your boyfriend what you are feeling/thinking and if things don't get better, or if they get better and you still have this need, maybe then you should reconsider what kind of sexual/romantic relationship you really need in your life. I hope i helped you
I definitely agree with you. It's such a strange & pressured time. I will think about telling him and hopefully it will be ok. Thank you for your kind reply
Welcome to EC. That’s a difficult situation to be in and it’s understandable that you’re feeling confused. If you can, it might help to separate your feelings about a relationship with a woman from your feelings about your current relationship. From what you’ve said above, it seems that you’re not completely happy, haven’t got the level of connection that you would like and that your boyfriend is not putting in as much effort as you. For the moment, don’t think about whether a relationship with a woman would be better, just consider whether you want to be in your current relationship right now. Are you happy and fulfilled? Do you see yourself still in this relationship in 5 or 10 years time? When you’ve considered that, you can think about what might come after or what then next steps might be. Just remember that all relationships have their difficulties and there’s no guarantee that you’ll feel more connected with a woman, just because she is a woman. But, you are entitled to try to find a partner that you feel connected with, whether that be a woman or not.
Hi! You’re definitely not alone! I came out as bisexual to my immediate family when I was 21, I’m now 28 and have just come out as gay, it took me all that time to realise I’m really not attracted to men. Things take time and as cliche as it sounds “life is a journey” (I cringed writing that just so you know! LOL) but it is and everyday we’re learning things about ourselves we never knew. Be kind to yourself, know you’re not alone and (I’m not sure where you’re from but...) in many places with lockdowns easing take some time for yourself to think about what it is you really want. Sometimes having someone around all the time doesn’t allow you the time to think and be clear. Here if you need to talk! - and by the way I’m addicted to lesbian TikTok! - No turning back! Lol Amz. ❤️
