1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Moving on

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Love2sleep, Sep 1, 2021.

  1. Love2sleep

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    106
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm struggling and finding it hard to move on from being heartbroken.
    I go through waves of feeling confident and empowered to waves of heartbreak and feeling lost.
    I thought about dating but I'm so shy and find it difficult to put myself out there. I can be so intense and deep, will there ever be someone else in the world who could find that appealing?
    Today is a tough day. Everywhere I look I see her, everything I do she's in my mind, every thought I have is centred on her.
    I need some release. I want to stop feeling.
    Thank you for listening to me.
     
    quebec and GrumpyOldLady like this.
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,735
    Likes Received:
    2,024
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not sure if you created this thread to simply express how you are feeling or to seek feedback and support. Either way, it's good that you wrote it out, because pent up feelings like these can really drag us down and I get a sense of how much you are struggling just from reading what you wrote.

    Assuming you are seeking feedback and support, I wonder if you can say anything more about the heartbreak you experienced. It sounds like it was a loss of some sort, but I'm not entirely clear what kind of loss it was. Suffice to say it has left you heartbroken and struggling to cope with the waves of emotion.

    In this world there are so many personality types. Some people are light and fluffy and just want to giggle their way through each day, while others are more serious and tend to look at things more intensely. We can't all be the same and we can't all seek the same in a girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. There is no reason to suppose you would not match with someone, if that's what you really want. I just wonder if you need to get past the heartbreak first?

    Is there anything that makes today particularly tough?

    You did a good thing in writing about how you feel. Write some more if you can/wish to.
     
  3. QuietPeace

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2020
    Messages:
    1,706
    Likes Received:
    1,148
    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. I have been there and I know that it is difficult.

    I am also pretty shy and I can be so intense that I scare people and I found someone. As Patrick said, there are a lot of types of people out there.
     
    GrumpyOldLady and Love2sleep like this.
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,334
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey I am sorry you are finding today so tough, some days are like that especially when you are going through something difficult. How long is it since your heartbreak? Do you have any hobbbies or interests you can try and keep yourself busy with?
    I will echo @PatrickUK in that everyone is looking for something different so just because your previous love didnt work out doesnt mean there arent plenty of other potentials out there.

    Take it easy on yourself.
     
    GrumpyOldLady and Love2sleep like this.
  5. Love2sleep

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    106
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you all so much for your support. I wrote down my feelings as a way of release and ask for support.
    It's been nearly a year now since the end of the relationship. There has been interaction, a few messages here and there. It is time for me to move on and I’m aware of that. Some days are harder than others to muster the strength to stay focused on moving on. The pain still feels so raw at times and all I want to do is reach out to her. That wouldn't be good, so I don't.
    In time I'm aware it will get easier and there will be someone else that fits me. I guess I just find it difficult to put myself out there.
    I have hobbies and try to distract myself as best I can, some days it's all too consuming and I fail miserably at distraction.
    I really do appreciate your comments and support, thank you from the bottom of my heart x
     
    quebec and GrumpyOldLady like this.
  6. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,735
    Likes Received:
    2,024
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you are thinking of dating again it does tend to suggest that you have progressed through the initial stages of hurt and loss, even if there is some residual pain when the 'waves' return, and you seem to be aware that reaching out to your ex wouldn't be a good idea at this stage.

    The end of a relationship and the heartbreak that comes with it is something we have to journey through. Some people can pick themselves up relatively quickly, while others need more time. There is no precise formula and some days it will feel like you are journeying through mud, but the main thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and resisting the temptation to wallow, look back or (even worse) step back.

    When you think of putting yourself out there, what does that mean - to you? Does it mean going out and mixing and mingling on the scene, or could it be something like creating a dating profile? How would you feel about either or both of those things?
     
    quebec and GrumpyOldLady like this.
  7. GrumpyOldLady

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2014
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    95
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I understand completely, I'm still dealing with my own crush and some days are better than others. My mind tends to jump to the most negative explanation where she is concerned and it hurts even when it's my own mind causing the pain because it believes no one could love me.

    I can also be very intense and am quite an introvert so I find it hard to form connections with people, but without risk there's no chance of reward. It's always a risk that we'll have heartbreak when we let someone into our hearts but not letting anyone in carries its own problems and can be heartbreaking as well.
     
    Love2sleep and Bastion like this.
  8. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    2,839
    Likes Received:
    1,472
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Love2sleep.....I am so sorry for the pain that you have suffered and are still working through. Even when we know that we must move on the pain can stay with us for a long time. It does diminish but it still takes time. My boyfriend/lover/soulmate died 50 years ago and there is still a hurt in my heart. Nonetheless I have gone on with my life as I know that you will. These things are not easy as we are emotional beings. However, out there somewhere is another person that is just waiting for a relationship with you. Think of the joy and peace that you will experience when you find that person! Have faith...they are out there!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    Love2sleep and GrumpyOldLady like this.
  9. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,334
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What do you think is the biggest thing stopping you making a dating profile or getting back out there?
     
  10. Love2sleep

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    106
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you all for your support.
    I'm doing the best I can each day, and as I said some days are better than others.
    It helps to be able to get it out and have the support of EC to get through the tough days.
    I know there is someone out there for me, I just have to get past the fear barrier of letting someone in again.
    Today is a better day. Putting my feelings and thoughts out there helped. Instead of keeping it all in and twisting my kind on itself, I took positive action and released it..
    I really can't thank you all so much for your support, it helps to know there are others who care and I don't have to go through this alone. X
     
    GrumpyOldLady likes this.
  11. Love2sleep

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    106
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Erm... I’m so shy for starters! The other thing I guess is my own insecurities. Letting someone back in. Fearing I'm not good enough, too intense, too introverted.. Gosh, the list could go on! X
     
    GrumpyOldLady likes this.
  12. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,218
    Likes Received:
    3,334
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Being shy is tricky, I totally get that. I guess there is no miracle cure. Perhaps you can practise by chatting to some people on EC, not because I am suggesting that it will be a good place to find someone but sometimes practising talking to new people can give you some confidence.
     
    PatrickUK likes this.
  13. Love2sleep

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    106
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Maybe, you’re right about that. Being shy does make you feel quite socially inadequate and chatting to people could bring me out of my shell so to speak. Thank you for the advice x
     
    silverhalo likes this.