1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

more than friends?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by giogio, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. giogio

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2018
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    spain
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey everyone, i'm new here. I'm trying to figure out if one of my (guy) friends wants to be something more than just a friend.

    I've never met a guy who's so confortable with touching and hugging each other. When we first met, a couple of years ago, I started to notice weird (to me) behaviours that led me to the conclusion that he was probably gay. For exaple he hugged me very often and those hugs were very long-lasting, sometimes even more than a minute. When we were alone he told me that if he had to marry another guy that would be me.
    Two months after we met, we went sleeping with other friends all in the same house and he wanted to sleep with me so badly. He asked for a kiss and i gave him one on his forehead like I would do with my little brother, but then he immidiatly kissed me on my mouth, then he hugged me and we fell asleep.

    We didn't see each other for months after that night, but when we met again he was like a normal friend, although it didn't last long.
    He started to write "I love you" and to put a lot of hearts in his text, he once asked me if I would kiss him on his mouth when we were alone, he than said he was "joking" when he saw that i was feeling quite unconfortable.

    He talks a lot about girls though, and he told me he would like to have a girlfriend, and sometimes he would hug and kiss me and then ask me how I would feel if he was to do the same with a girl.

    His family and friends are really homophobic and he often avoid hugging me if his parents are there or even if we are too close to his house.

    I have another friend who hugs me quite often and I used to give him a nickname. But when he found out about this nickname he told me it was too cute and that he doesn't want me to call him that way.

    He was really jealous that I was spending time with another guy, so I asked him if he was in love with me and he told me "I don't know, I don't think so".



    Sometimes I think that maybe that's just the way he is, but a lot of things he does are very unlikely among guys. What do you think?
     
  2. Myclosetisfull

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    932
    Likes Received:
    120
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    He likes you. Very clearly. However, he is probably somewhat repressed in his feelings because of his family and friends. I doubt he likes girls a significant amount and it seems as though he is just putting up an act to try and avoid people realizing he is gay. He would not kiss you and then fall asleep in your arms if he did not like you...

    Do you have feelings for him, and are you out to him? He may become very much more eager upon you coming out to him if you have not already, or he could have a variety of other reactions. Either way, you will probably not get a public relationship out of him because of his familial circumstances.
    Note: I'm pretty sure that the " if I 'had to' marry a guy it would be you" is the same as 'I secretly want to date you'.
     
    #2 Myclosetisfull, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    11,797
    Likes Received:
    435
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree with myclosetisfull. Even the "I don't know, I don't think so" is a remarkably telling answer; a straight person wouldn't say "I don't know". So, my guess: most likely he knows he's gay, but hasn't come to terms with it yet.

    So the question is, where does this leave things? It can be really painful and difficult to date someone who is just in the process of coming out and coming to terms, and when there's family disapproval and homophobia... it's that much worse.

    You have options with what you can do... you can gently encourage him, and ask if he'd be willing to explore what it might be like if he did like you, and agree that the two of you can keep it on the down low. This might open him up to be willing to talk about his feelings more and help him along (if, in fact, he is gay and closeted or just coming to terms). Or you can simply wait and do nothing other than keep him as a friend, and just see if he moves further.

    I think it's important not to push too much. And it is also important that if the two of you do agree to move forward with something, that you go slowly, and be prepared for him to remain closeted (which poses real issues for you) for what could be a fairly lengthy period of time. If handled correctly, then either you'll remain friends and nothing more, or things will slowly move into a closer relationship. If you push it too quickly, you could lose both.