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Monogamy etc.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by StillHorny, Apr 26, 2020.

  1. StillHorny

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    I've been in a committed relationship for 28 years now - no spring chicken. Something I have a question about is monogamy. Does it work for you? It didn't for us. Our "interests" diverged. Our primary form of sex together is doing three-ways. It works, kinda. Anyone willing to discuss?
     
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  2. olderwiser

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    Over time people change, some for the better and some not so much so. Dealing with change is an ongoing part of life and to be honest change sometimes can be down right painful. The change of interests is, I have found, to be a very big deal with couples. What they once liked doing together is not so interesting anymore and so each goes about finding something of interest for themselves. Once you find something interesting invite the other person to see if they might also be interested. Trial and error... Hopefully this makes some sense...
     
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  3. StillHorny

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    Words of wisdom. We know our sexual interests have diverged. Do we give each other permission?
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    I think human nature causes sexuality between a couple to become stale over time. Whether in a straight or gay relationship. I have a friend that works professionally with animals and he claims animal instincts are similar (I always laugh when we debate this concept).

    I have been in only one open relationship. My current relationship is Monogamous. The sex between us had become rather routine, and what he likes had diverged from what I like and vice versa. At the same time our sex drives are different as well. We openly talk about it and decided to try new things to keep things fresh and we both agreed to be open minded even if what we do is outside our comfort zones. The topic of being open has come up, but we both agree we rather be monogamous.

    Maybe my prior experience in an open relationship was not a good experience compared to others in open relationships, but even with ground rules set trust was breached and the damage became irreparable. My partner, while he thought he was in a prior monogamous relationship realized his prior partner had been cheating on him (and even gave him an STD). So both of our past experiences have lead us to agree to stay monogamous for now and be open to each others desires even if they don't necessarily conform to our individual desires.

    Time will tell how this plays out for us. We are in a loving relationship, understand each other, complement each other well so we both have a vested interest not to let one aspect of our relationship where we differ negatively impact us.

    I recognize for many gay men, sex is a fundamental part of a relationship. And in the past I felt the same way. Now, with experience and maturity I have realized it is just one aspect of a relationship and needs to be prioritized accordingly.

    I don't judge people in open relationships. If it works for you, thats fantastic. With proper trust and respect for one another, I can appreciate how it can work.
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, Apr 30, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2020
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  5. ChescaC

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    My last relationship came to an end because my then partner(whom I was engaged to), decided she wanted an open relationship. Granted we hadn't exactly dictated that we were exclusive, it was something I had thought was obvious. It was this going open that ruined things for me, but I wasn't going to be the villain in things and end it. I let her actions and her decisions eventually bring the end to the engagement. When it did happen, even though I knew it was coming, I was heartbroken.
    However, that heartbreak is what set me on the path to me.

    So while I have had bad in the midst on non-monogamy, the aftermath is full of more good than I could have ever asked for.
     
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