Molested & Liked It?

Sounds a hell of a lot like child abuse to me...

 

It's however you interpret it to be. Personally, I find what he did morally objectionable, and the reality is he probably did lots of stuff with other 12/13 year olds who hated it/felt abused. As for help - if this is something you can't stop thinking about, or something which stirs up strong emotions - then you need to talk to someone about it. A therapist/counsellor if possible.

 

Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm glad you found us.

As was already suggested, if this is something that bothers you I would recommend counselling to talk about it with a professional. At 12 or 13 it was totally inappropriate for him to engage with you like that - you were violated. At that age, with someone so much older, you really couldn't have given 'consent'. He took advantage of you - even if he was polite about it.

The thing that I hear from some survivors though is that they don't want the event to define who they are, and they don't want to carry around hatred for someone their whole life. So they figure out how to forgive and carry on with a happy life. I hope you can do the same.

 

It was abuse. Someone 30 years old doing that to a 12-year-old is taking advantage of them. The way he was showing a half-assed degree of respect for your wishes was a form of manipulation, a taste of some sort of bogus reasonableness.

That was how I was raped at age 9. My cousin told me we were playing "truth or dare" and used that to get me to do all sorts of sexual things with him, right up to forcing me to have oral sex with him. While yeah, it felt good, I still had this sick feeling inside me that we shouldn't be doing this. It wasn't until I learned more about sex and had grown up a bit that I finally realized in my mid-teen years that it wasn't a game, it was rape.

It took some effort and therapy to work through it, but I'm comfortable now. I've still got some issues that stem from it, but I have a boyfriend who's understanding and the coping skills I learned through therapy.

 

That's molestation the other stories u were reading where raped. But if u liked it then it's not molestation.

 

Never in my life have I wanted to hurt someone so much...

 

Our physiology works the same way whether there's consent or not. The two are completely orthogonal. It's extremely important to remember that.

We have people who come here from time to time agonizing about "was I really raped or not?" because they didn't want it, and they didn't consent, and maybe they even said no. But they got an erection. Or maybe they orgasmed. Or maybe they felt good some miniscule part of the time.

It doesn't matter from an ethical perspective. All that matters is consent, and the power symmetry to make consent meaningful. That was lacking in your case.

It was abuse.

 

"If they liked it that was okay"

That's such a bullshit excuse. Rape is rape. You know, a hell of a lot of rape victims report orgasms during the act but not only does it not make it right but it's an involuntary biological response. And I'm sure if you asked them, they might describe their body as betraying them.

This was a 13 year old kid being manipulated and sexually abused by a grown man. That's the very definition of molestation.

 

^

What's scary is that people with this attitude get on juries that actually render verdicts in real rape cases.

 

I'll be nice because you're 14, have good intentions, and anger will not work as well to change your mind. So please believe me: you have zero idea what you're talking about, and saying things like this do far more harm than good. The mere fact that the OP is worrying about this situation raises a ton of red flags about what happened.

It absolutely was molestation and it's important to know that all pain and distress caused is entirely the fault of the instigator. The OP has the unpleasant task of making peace with that and separating that incident from mature sexual feelings.

 

Did you not realize the age difference? A 30 year old man touching a 12 year old is a criminal offense and just as damaging as any other form of molestation/rape. Yes I liked the physical sensations of it...I was 9 and didn't know any better. It feels good because that's how our bodies work: when we experience certain stimulation, our bodies react a certain way. It doesn't matter whether it's abuse or consensual, it's an involuntary reaction.

 

His intentions were obviously paedophilic.

 

He is a pedo' that should rot in jail

 

^ this only less lenient. :***:

 

Orgasms can't be controlled. So the body may enjoy it, but the mind will be traumatized.

OP may have liked it at the time because he was too young to understand the seriousness and the personal violation of the acts, but he definitely wasn't sexually mature, and that's actually really important before sex.

OP was 12. If an adult were to be touched by another adult with consent, would they later be able to call it molestation? no.

When I was really little like 5 or 6, a noon supervisor would "help" me with my pants zipper and massage my crotch while she did it. I liked it too. It probably is what caused me to start playing with myself. But as the years pass, you realize how violated you are. How those feelings of arousal should be out of love, not because someone touched you there, not because someone you thought was a trusted adult rubbed you down there and made you feel different.

I just think you had some things confused. Your body can like it, but emotionally...psychologically it can be devastating.