Mixed emotions re son

Hi Rosie 108. First, thanks for being a awesome parent! I lot of people would have given anything for your reaction from their parents when they were 15, including myself.

Maybe you were prepared, but when the event actually happened you felt like, ahh my son is growing up I am going to lose him. Don't beat yourself up over it. I would think it would be a human reaction. Do you think you would have had the same reaction if he showed you a picture of a girl?

Being LGBT is not always easy, keep loving him and continue to be supportive!

Dean

 

I am so with you. I want to be completely accepting about my kids' dating but my stomach still churns because no one is good enough for either of them. Two kids, a boy and a girl and they both like boys.

 

Hello

Your son coming out LGBTQ is new to you. You need time to adjust. I honestly think time is the key here. You sound a great mum and all you can do is guide and support him on his journey. Keep the lines of communication open. Just be mindful, I'm not disrespecting anyone but some older guys take advantage of young guys. So if the lines of communication are good between you both, you can keep an eye on who he dates.
Jon

 

Your son is incredibly lucky to have you as a mother!

Sadly, this is common. Most of us felt the exact same way.

We live in a culture that screams "being gay is bad" and you have probably lived through a time where that was a very loud message. We sometimes underestimate just how deep those messages can go.

The good news is that you can unlearn those messages and it doesn't make you a horrible person.

Have you ever heard of PFLAG? Its an organiation for parents with lbgt children. Its a great resources to find other parents who have gone through this exact same thing and many of them can teach you how they also unlearned the bad messages and internalized that being lgbt is not a bad thing. Its takes time.

A good movie that you might find helpful (and you can even watch with your son later on) is "Love, Simon". It might give you some insight as to how it might feel to be an lgbt youth. Not sure how verse on lgbt topics you are.

The other thing is that you can show him in different ways that you do care and that you do try.

For example, when I came out my mom took it so bad. It was a horrible six months. She did come around and one of the first things she did when she made the mental turn was buy a small pride flag. She put it in her room and its still there to this date. It was the cutest fucking thing and I knew deep down then that while she was missing the mark, she was really fucking trying. And that is honestly all you wish for.

You are doing great. Don't beat yourself up. Just show up, try to educate yourself, and then just let your son FEEL that you are there even if you will miss the mark every so often.

 

Hey don't be too hard on yourself this isn't an uncommon reaction.

I think without meaning to all parents have a dream or vision of what they want their child's future to be and this is never gay or in a same sex relationship. That doesn't mean you are homophobic or against it, it just means it's not what society displays the perfect life to be.
Parents want their children to be happy and not have trouble and being gay brings with it complications that the straight life doesn't so going through a period of disappointment is perfectly normal. You are doing all the right things just keep at it and things will get better.

 

Hi @Rosie108 !
Your feelings are totally understandable. As parents, we want our children to blossom into their full selves, with success, happiness and pride. Anything out of the mainstream can be worrisome, especially when it's something like non-conventional sexuality that can be subjected to bias and challenges. I hope you'll inform yourself, and continue to to be the most important advocate in your son's life. Good luck!
=Sevn