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Missed Opportunity

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by bsg75apollo, Mar 31, 2022.

  1. bsg75apollo

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    I had lunch with my parents. During the course of the conversation I would have had the perfect opportunity to come out to parents. Man that makes me sound 18 not 48. I would've too if it weren't somebody else who would need and deserves to know first, but I'm not ready for that. Damn missed opportuniy, because other than that one person, I think that I am ready and itching to tell someone other than my therapist.
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Ah, don’t beat yourself up. I think this is a fairly common occurrence and remember that there will be other opportunities.

    You are making progress! This post is evidence of that - you are feeling more ready to tell another person. Keep going at your own pace, as feels right for you. There’s no set timeline for this sort of thing.

    Also, I don’t think your post makes you sound 18. :slight_smile:
     
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  3. out2019

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    Yes, this is familiar! I am single so I know it's more complicated for you but even for me there were some people I couldn't feel 'real' around unless they knew and others I was terrified to tell. There are some I still haven't told, I just have decided to live my life going forward.
    One thing you definitely have to prepare for is someone finding out before you're ready. If you're out to anyone beyond your therapist, that's likely to happen. It happened to me and it was funny because I thought it would be a big deal but it wasn't.

    coming out late in life is sometimes called a second adolescence. If we were repressed we never went on first dates and first kisses or even sharing who we liked :slight_smile: with other people.
     
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  4. LilLady9

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    I can totally understand how difficult it is to come out to parents (I haven't yet either). However, I came out to all of my siblings, and it went smooth. It also kind of helped me get it off my chest. In fact, I almost don't even really feel the urge to tell my parents anymore. I do look forward to coming out to someone else again though (whether it be a friend, coworker, etc.)
     
    #4 LilLady9, Mar 31, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2022
  5. zgaynz

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    Coming out is constantly on the tip of my tongue but my brain overrules my mouth but in time, my brain will agree too.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Hey as the others have said don't beat yourself up about it. I would need at least both my hands if not my feet in order to count the number of coming out opportunities I missed when I was first figuring everything out and coming out. The reasons could range from anything from being too indecisive and letting the moment pass, to as you say wanting to tell someone else first, or even a couple of times just chickening out. I am sure almost everyone has been there at some point. It is all good experience even if you didnt go through with it and the fact you feel like you want to is a real positive.
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    Don't feel too badly about it, @bsg75apollo. Many of us have gone through the same (I know I did!) but the great thing about coming out opportunities is, they seldom are one-time events.

    Actually, that's sometimes also what's terrible about them. But more to the point, you will have another chance to tell your parents when you're ready to. :slight_smile: Same for this other person, as well.

    Out of curiosity, why is it important to tell this other person first?
     
  8. bsg75apollo

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    i didn't mean to sound so cryptic. Not my intent. Because this other person is my wife.
     
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  9. BiGemini87

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    Oh! Yeah, that is a fair reason. I was just curious if it was a friend or a close relative. I can definitely see why you want to tell her first.
     
  10. Sunchimes

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    It’s normal to feel like you do. I came out when I was older and married as well. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. You actually don’t know who to tell first. Your head ends up buzzing with a mixture of excitement and despair.

    So many times I backed out. I then found the courage to tell my husband. Then I told my parents and everyone else. It was tough to say the least but it took me a while to actually find the right moment to tell my husband. Once he knew I found it easier to tell my parents and everyone else.

    You will find the right time soon

    Good luck.
     
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