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Messed around with straight friend

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PSchris, Apr 26, 2012.

  1. 9988DAA

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    Hi - through some random googling, I found this thread and it's been a relief to read. It probably comes as no surprise, but I recently had a very similar situation to some of the previous posts. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just a place to share my story since I haven't really been able to talk to anyone else about it.

    A few weeks ago, the place that I work had a big party to celebrate an event we had. It was a big shindig, open bar, etc. Everyone was drinking and having a great time - some more so than others (me being one of them). I got pretty drunk, pretty quickly. A straight male friend/coworker also got real drunk, real fast. I'm sure you can see where this might be leading.

    First off, a little backstory. We have been friends for a few years and will occasionally go out after work on a Friday night with other coworkers and have a good time. We chum around and drink and have fun and hug and put arms around each other and do things that I'd do to any other friend - guy, girl, straight, gay, whatever. Nothing romantic or sexual. At the very most, I could see someone trying to construe it as flirting, but that's a reach. Also, my friend has a girlfriend of several years and I'm currently single.

    Now, here's where things get a little... complicated. I've always considered myself straight, but as I've grown older I've had a very mild attraction to some guys. Nothing I've ever felt the need to act on in anyway. Just a curiosity, more like a "what if?" kind of feeling. I also know that my friend has told several people at work, always in a drunken state, that he'd like to try making out with a guy, to see what it was like. So there's that.

    Back to the night in question. We are both very, very drunk. We're hanging out with other coworkers and getting drinks for each other and just generally doing what drunk friends would do. Eventually, we decide to leave and go to another bar that we thought other coworkers were going to. They didn't. It ended up just being the two of us. And that's about where my memory of the night ends.

    The next day, a mutual friend of ours and myself are hanging out, recapping the previous night's shenanigans. She tells me about some crazy things that went on between some coworkers and we're laughing and what not. Then, she proceeds to tell me that she heard a rumor involving me at the party. I'm laughing to myself telling her, "oh man, I wonder what this is gonna be." And then she drops a bomb.

    She tells me that apparently, a few people saw my friend and I making out, in the bathroom of the place we were at AND THAT THERE WERE PICTURES. She said that she hasn't seen them, but people were saying that we were embracing, kissing, and potentially had hands up each other's shirts.

    At first, I think she's making it all up. But the more she tells me, the more tiny bits of my memory start to fade back in. Nothing complete, just shards of the night flickering in my mind. I start to remember that we were always standing physically very close. I remember arms intertwined while standing. I remember a close embrace, but nothing more. Certainly nothing like what our mutual friend described.

    As all this runs through my head, I start to think of what might have happened at the second place the two of us went to alone? I begin to remember another close embrace and what I think is holding hands. But that's about it.

    Freaked out, I leave our mutual friend's house and head home just trying to wrap my head around what I had just heard. That next morning, I get a call from my straight friend. He asks if I have time to chat in person the next day at work. I agree that we should talk. At work the next day, we were both busy and never really had a chance to catch up on whatever it was that apparently happened.

    I text him later that night, asking if he wants to call me and that I think we should still talk about what happened. We start texting about how neither of us remember much of anything and he says that he doesn't think it's worth talking about. We were both drunk, can't remember the events in question, and it's already done and over with, so no use worrying about it. I agree with him and told him, as long as we were okay as friends, I'm okay with forgetting about it.

    And that was that. Work has been pretty hectic, so we haven't really seen or talked to each other. An occasional snapchat or text is about it. In a few weeks though, I know that we'll be working very closely together for several weeks and I'm hoping things aren't awkward because of all of this.

    I've been thinking about it a lot over the last few days and it's really got my head cloudy. I mean, two straight friends potentially hooked up!!?? First off, I don't even know exactly what happened. I don't want to ask anyone about pictures because that's embarrassing and it was a work function and I shouldn't have been that drunk to begin with. I also don't want to keep bringing it up because we both agreed to just forget about it.

    The thing is though, I want to know what happened mainly because I'm ashamed I was that drunk not to remember. It's creepy not having a memory of something that other people saw. Plus, I want to know why it happened. I don't have feelings for him and though he's a good looking guy, I'm not attracted to him like that. As far as I know, he'd say the same about me. Are there parts of both of us that might question a little bit of ourselves? I guess, but like I said, it's never been something I've personally wanted. Should I be examining myself more closely about all of this? What, how, and why just keep floating in my head.

    So that's my story. Sorry for the length and that it's a little jumbled. As I said prior, I'm not sure that I'm looking for advice or just an outlet to share. Open to both I suppose. I think I just needed to offload all of this info that I've kept pent up since my friend and I agreed to forget what little we each remembered. Thanks in advance for anything you might contribute!
     
  2. Yossarian

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    If it is not something you WANT to have happened, and you consider yourself straight and when sober are only attracted to women, then I would forget about it, and write it off as a sign that, in the future, you probably shouldn't allow yourself to get so drunk that you don't know what you are doing, and not much more than that. If it was more than that for your friend, maybe he will tell you so some day, but it sounds like he considers himself straight also, and was just acting out because he was so drunk.
     
  3. midnighttease

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    I too found this thread through a Google search, and I have my own story to share.

    I used to work at a restaurant with this guy. He was really hot, and over time I found myself looking at him when he wasn't looking, and thinking about him a lot.

    There were multiple times at work, when he made comments about how big my dick was, and such. I do have a decent sized dick, but he didn't know that. I wasn't sure what to make of it. We became pretty good friends rather quickly. I was so comfortable around him, I began to open up to him about my not so great childhood, and he was a good listener, and stood up for me one time when something happened at work.

    Well..... on St Patrick's Day in 2004, I swung by our work after seeing a movie. We both had 2 beers there, and 2 more at a different place. At that other place, he asked me to give him a blowjob. I was stunned, and didn't know what to think. He mentioned we could do it in the alley behind the pub. It was really cold out, so I let him know, that I did not want to do it there. He suggested his parents place where he was living at the time. I should add that his parents house was not that far from the pub we were at, and that he is 7 years older then me.

    We ended up doing the deed in the living room. He sat down on a chair, and he pointed to his crotch, and I told him to come here. He stood in front of me, and I pulled the zipper of his jeans down. I went down on him, while playing with his balls. I remember him saying "Oh that feels so good", and after a bit of time, he got nervous, and put it back in his pants. I said something like "You didn't cum". He responded with "I can do that on my own". Anyways, he called me a cab and gave me $5.00 for the ride home. All I could think of was how I wished he had came, how I couldn't believe it happened, and how confused I was.

    We worked together for a time afterwards, and he started treating me bad sometimes. I made a terrible mistake with how I handled this. I told 1 person at work, and it got around, and he asked me to come to the back of the place we worked. He confronted me, and I tried my best to lie my way out of it, but I am pretty sure he wasn't buying it. He basically threatened me not to tell anyone else, and that was that. I should add that when the deed happened, he told me that "It would be our little secret".

    I left that job in 2007, and a few years ago, I ran into someone else that worked there with both of us at the same time. I remembered a time when the three of us hung out at a bar down the street, and she and I caught him checking out some guys in the place. He got a bit defensive, and said something like, "I was checking out the girls too". Well she told me, that he now had a girlfriend and a daughter. I don't know if they are married, but it made me think, that if for one reason or another he got married (assuming he is), and had a kid to live "straight".

    I mean the making comments about my manhood, asking me to suck his dick, acting strange, and defensive when he was caught checking out guys. I can't help but wonder, if he secretly wanted me all along, and being drunk loosened him up, and gave him the courage to ask me for a blowjob. I haven't seen him in years, but I always think about him, and secretly hope we can hook up again. I feel wrong for thinking that, as he has a family, but I can't help it. I miss my buddy, and I wonder what might have happened, if I had kept my mouth shut.

    Anyone here have any thoughts.