Hello So I have anxiety|depression| OCD one of my main anxieties is being trapped in abusive relationship. In particular with someone whose mentally ill since they have some "excuse" (which only really applies to 5%). But whether that 5% or not how do I leave? And what I really started this message: how do I know they're in the 5% and I need to leave (if im allowed) or if it's safe (and it's just my anxiety leading to flight mode)? Thanks.
There's no excuse for somebody to be abusive. I do understand how hard it is to establish how "bad" a relationship is. Have you considered contacting Women's Aid or Relate?
Women's aid is really just for straight women (or bisexuals in relationship with a man). I've found some other websites but they're not as helpful, though I have a file on my computer at home. Though I still don't know when I can leave, if it's justified or if it's the anxiety. Or how to talk if it's a woman abusing me (I'm a female)
Ok. I couldn't see from your OP whether your partner was male or female. Those were just some suggestions of people who may be able to give you an outside perspective on your relationship. Would talking to a friend or therapist be an option? If you're not happy, then you can leave. You don't have to stay in any relationship. I'm not sure what you mean about when to leave. Are you seeking support for your anxiety?
No one has the right to abuse you in any way, period. I really think you’re brave for asking all this. Seeing the relationship dynamic for what it is, realizing it is abusive and will not get better all of a sudden, takes guts. I don’t know where you live in the world, but I hope you are in a place where you can find offline support in leaving. If the resources for domestic abuse focus on straight women and feel exclusionary to you, go elsewhere - an LGBT center may be able to direct you to resources that are a better fit. Good luck.
I'm not in an abusive relationship right now but I may be in a relationship in the future and I may be in an abusive one. I am afraid because people don't tell about mental illness straight away but if they end up abusing me and then say "oh well it was my illness" even if it wasn't (but they believe so) I don't know what to do. Because I know only about 5% of mi cause abuse but most studies focus on violence. There's more abuse than that and I am afraid I will be trapped there. And like I will panic and go into flight mode and leave but I won't be allowed to leave because they will hate me so I'll just have to hit myself so I am choosing to hurt myself and not them hurting me without my permission. Because the amount of people saying their mI is causing abuse is more than reality, probably. And I don't know what to do. I want to sort myself out first. I want to keep myself safe. I don't want people to hate me. I don't want to be manipulated. I don't know anymore because people say so much. I just want to keep safe and not be trapped. When people say "there's no excuse for abuse" but then people make "explanations" and get sympathy for it over the person they harmed.
So, you're concerned about the prospect of being in an abusive relationship in the future? Are you in a relationship at all now? Do you have reason to believe it may become abusive?
Try to avoid predicting the future. You're not a fortune teller, but the good thing is no one else is either. It's hard to know what you mean by 5%, but I find it's easier to judge a person's actions vs. their words. Pay attention to if they express kindness to you and strangers, and it is hard to maintain a relationship with someone you wouldn't consider a friend.
Though some peoples words are more vicious than their actions. Like they might never hit you but they might manipulate or emotionally harm you. They might give you presents and other materials but be nasty to you all the other time like saying "you're worthless" - over many times by a person whose supposed to love you would start to affect your mental health. I know I cannot predict the future but I need to prepare and reinforce what I can do if I am in an abusive situation. How do I break off a relationship or friendship with someone whose mentally ill and abusing me?
Your anxiety is talking way too loud. Most people with a mental illness won't abuse you. There is a lot of stigma out there, so don't believe everything you hear. Try to get help for your anxiety first and foremost. You never can tell what relation is in store for you. It might be the best thing ever!
