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Mental breakdown over clothes

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AlexJames, Aug 10, 2018.

  1. AlexJames

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    I know this is like the stupidest thing to be upset about but it was a shitty day at work an my nerves are shot. I had it planned to get together a harry potter hogwarts uniform as my b-day present to myself. But the vest i seem to have ordered the wrong size for, the button up dwarfs me with both sizes i ordered. I bouhgt one form mens one fom womens. I'm 5ft tall and barely not overweight for that healthy weight range for a woman. See i can't even spell correct i'm so fucking upset. Like i just want to be able to buy all the nice mens section shirts they're putting out and wear them. But i'm short. And even if i wasn't i feel fat as fuck like this. Like i feel like even if i magically found the right size (and prolly would be limited to like 3 shirts) my hips would make it impossible an i would have to be like super unhealthy skinny to make it work. Which means i'd have to starve myself to get there. Which i'm so considering at this point. Liek i can't fix being short as fuck even for a girl but i can starve myself and be thin so hips are no longer an issue i'll do it. I'll wear just stupid graphic tees and boys section polos. No normal shirts. No nice long sleeve shirts that are normal not polo. Not even a fucking normal formal outfit. I figured i could get a formal outfit out of this. Cause all i have is dresses as formal wear. I don't want dresses. I don't want to be stuck dressing like a teenager i wanna dress normal. All i have that i can wear are shirts you'd buy at hot topic or graphic tees from walmart.
     
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  2. Hawk

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    I know how you feel. I bought a dress shirt from the men's section from a department store, and I thought I got the right size, but it ended up looking like I was wearing my dad's shirt.

    I don't know what stores your looking at, but I recommend finding some teen/young adult stores instead of department stores and the like. I know you will still find the graphic tees and all that, but you can find some pretty good finds. I don't know your body type, but I'm 5'8" and about 130lbs, and I recommend looking at stores like Aeropostale and American Eagle. Stores where young adults shop. I typically get all my clothes from the Aeropostale guy's section now. I avoid the graphic tees because they're just not my style, but they have some pretty decent button-ups and jeans. The jeans and button-ups were only $15 too, and they're good quality!

    There's also the company called Ash & Erie I found through Aydian Dowling, they cater to smaller guys, but they are pretty expensive.
     
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  3. tystnad

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    i know this might sound like a Rich People Option because generally trailers are thought of as a super expensive luxury option, but have you though about taking your clothes to a tailor? Small adjustments don’t actually cost a lot (depends on the tailor, of course, don’t go to the ones that make fancy suits or one that specialises in bridal attire or anything) and you could even ask them to adjust the clothes in a way that gives you more of the figure that they want. You can sometimes find affordable tailors/sewers at dryers or you could even try craigslist to find a non-professional who is willing to make adjustments (old grannies with a sewing machine can be a blessing!). If you know any other trans people or have a trans/lgbt organisation in your area you could even ask them if they know any tailors who know how to work with trans bodies to reduce the visibility of certain shapes (ie wider hips) and emphasise others (ie making shoulders look broader). It’s amazing what difference the fit of the clothes can do to the appearance, and this option is a million times better than starving yourself (PLEASE do not go into that direction. eating disorders are common amongst trans people for this very reason, and trust me when i say that’s not a road you want to go down. it’ll be incredibly difficult to get out of again and bring much worse consequences than the brief satisfaction of thinner hips can make up for). Just make sure that whatever clothes you’re bringing to a tailor are on the bigger side because it’s easy to remove some fabric but much harder to add something. The best way to go is usually to pick a piece of clothes that fits well in one place and is too big everywhere else (so like, the hip-width fits your body but it’s too wide around the waist and shoulders).

    If it makes you feel any better, a lot of cis man also have this problem with a lot of clothes being too big. fashion sizes are weird, and men generally shop in kids/teen sections much longer than women do simply because, well, adult men sizes are crazy big for some reason (+ women are expected to grow up sooner etc). Fortunately, teen sections do have some really amazing clothes as well (it sometimes makes me sad i’m very tall because there’s so much i’d like!) and some of it is much more mature than you’d expect from a teen section. Depends on the store of course, but even relatively cheap ones like h&m tend to have good (semi-) formal options for teens. It can generally be helpful to look in more “fashionable” stores rather than department stores though because they’ll have fewer graphic tees and more other options, like hawk also said above. Also, if you can’t find any right now, make sure to check those sections around holiday season because that’s when people suddenly want their teens to dress fancy too so there are more outfits like that.
     
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  4. Molko

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    It's not stupid at all to feel the way you feel. I know the feeling, i'm 5'2 and struggle to find the clothes I want, especially shoes having such small feet, shopping for anything other then Dr Martins tends to lead to a real panic. I kind of have to accept that happens to be the way the world is - I can't smash the fashion system, so i'll find what works for me within in it.

    Addressing the weight - if you develop an ED you will not be in control of anything because it will control you. Trust me, I know. It will simply mess up your relationship with your body beyond what you can imagine, even now. Yes, you are in control of your weight - you can aim to loose some but don't be so dramatic as to starve. It is actually not an effective way to manage your weight - eat healthily and exercise. It is the simple way that works.

    I have found the brands which work for me, according to my style, age and body. The mens sections do tend to have a 30' leg in jeans. Mens shirts can be a right pain, the fact is sometimes they just wont fit that well - i think even cis guys will have the same problems with clothes. You can get clothes tailored or altered. I wear shirts all the time - I prefer long sleeve but short sleeve is good for summer and i've found I don't have to worry about getting it turned up. A Ben Sherman will fit differently to a Lambretta, the way they are cut, the materials etc all play a factor. It's about finding the brands that you like and which suit you.

    The sizing for what you buy can depend on the shop. I'll be a Small somewhere and a medium somewhere else. Even down to the individual item - it may look better in one size then another and depends on how tight or loose I want it to be, how it should hang. I'd recommend going out and trying some stuff on. In the UK we have places like Debinhams, which have several brands under one roof so you can check out a few things at a time. Also, it may seem daunting but over the years i have actually found even gendered changing facilities ever more open and accommodating. In the few times i've been redirected I just tell them i'm trans, trying on mens clothes and they apologise and let me in. They don't want to discriminate and awareness is pretty good. Also, you can always try stuff at home and take it back.

    Don't give up hope, you will find your style and what works with you in time. It can feel disheartening I know but you can either throw it all to the floor and give up or pick it up and keep trying things on till you find what you are looking for.
     
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  5. Mikey D

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    I'm sort of the same, yet opposite. I'm a tall guy (6ft, 6in) and I would like to dress more like a woman but, it's hard to find clothing that would fit. Even the plus sized clothing is too short for me. I even have a somewhat difficult time finding men's shirts that fit because my ideal size T-Shirt is XLT. XL can sometimes be too short, 2XL can sometimes be too baggy.
     
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  6. Hillary B

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    Um, oh wow. I sympathise. One thing I do know is in girl mode a bigger skirt can do wonders and a fitted black top - it just accentuates your waist makes you more profiled. Sorry that's not great advice but it can work. And accessorise just for morale - carry some groovy stuff around with you. Sorry you are so upset hope it gets better soon. Luv h
     
  7. NerdyMJ

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    Have you tried shopping at thrift stores or Goodwill? That's where I've been going for my clothes, and they have a pretty good selection, imo.