Men and touch

not sure I love touching

it does seem weird how we feel about intimacy and sexuality and what we like and do not like

 

Without knowing the history of the guy who dislikes being touched, it's hard to comment. There could be issues from his past with touching that have left a mark. The sexual aspect of their relationship may still be possible.

 

There is a certain kind of physical contact that seems to be OK. It's more OK now than it used to be, to give a "guy hug" -- sort of a not-to-close, and not-to-long, almost athletic thing. Then there's the manly slap on the shoulder that's OK, but only in certain circumstances. Without really meaning to, I instinctively avoid both in order to keep from giving anyone any clues.

 

This is one of the biggest changes in my life as a result of coming out to my wife. I've lost the fear of discovery now. So, I don't worry about touching other men any longer.

I attended a social function a few months back. I found myself with friends of thirty years. Both men and women. I would hug upon meeting. At one point I found myself with my arm around an old male friend while we chatted with another old friend. No one seemed uncomfortable. We were just humans interacting. They don't know my sexuality. They don't care.

I think we put way too much emphasis on touching as a sexual contact. There is a difference and most of us know what that is.

 

I’m not really big on touching outside of sexual/romantic activity. I usually back away from people who touch me. It kind of a personal space intrusion kind of thing. I don’t flip
Out about it but I don’t really like it

 

I love to be touched. I find it comforting and loving. But I have been raised by an affectionate family who hugs all the time. I hug my sister multiple times a day. I just like being close. For me, a big thing is to be with someone who is not afraid to touch me in public, play with my hair hold my hand, put their arm around my shoulder or waist. I like knowing someone is there.

 

My wife does like to grab my butt. That doesn’t really anger me much comes as a surprise sometimes though

 

Hmmmm ... comes to mind the expressions, "I'm touched!" and "How touching!". It's an individual thing. I love being touched.

 

It could be a lot of reasons. It could be internal homophobia and the person not being comfortable with the situation (especially in public). It could be cultural values. Maybe the person just doesn't like getting touched and likes their personal space xD.

From my experience, the more open and "out" a person is, the more they don't mind being touched.

 

Goodness...I'm like that with my girlfriend...I am terrible...

 

I must admit it’s a pleasant surprise

 

In North America, in general, touch is a "touchy" subject...

North American men are not encouraged to touch, nor are they taught to understand that there is a skill involved with the nuances of touch. In those situations where touch between men is (more or less) allowed, it is mostly in the form of some kind of violence, such as fist bumps, or slaps on the butt, or that silly side punch to the upper arm...Hugs between men are OK, as long as the private bits don't get too close, etc. etc.

The whole repression of touch among men usually goes with an equal repression of emotions which in itself is a recipe for inappropriate or dangerous expressions of pain and anger. In the absence of the right words, or some model of composure (e.g. the British stiff upper lip or forbearance) that one can refer to, pain will be expressed, come what may, and often physically.

Men are not taught the language of emotions, or even about the myriad nuances of feeling that are possible. There was a time when such things were part and parcel of a man's education, along with the refinement of manners and good taste. That was a long time ago...

 

There is a difference between repressing your emotions and running around emotionally reacting to everything. For example, if I don’t react to something perhaps it’s because it’s no ones business. You need an outlet for emotions but it should be checked in some way. Also, I regard touching as a personal space issue. If it’s someone close I don’t mind, but touching by a stranger is unnecessary

 

I completely agree, the point I tried to make is that the control of emotions is a skill that is often lacking, which is why I mentioned forbearance as one way to deal with them. Same for touching, which also requires a level of skill in its application, or its avoidance.

 

I understand. I think that is part of the reason for some of the insanity. Many young men don’t know how to deal with things to the point that it becomes deadly. This may sound barbaric, but a schoolyard fist fight is a better solution than a mass shooting

 

Yes! That's it! There's a skill in knowing when touch is okay and when it's not. Lacking that skill I make sure to err on the side of caution.

Similarly with the current work environment: touch in the workplace is discouraged so as to minimize the risk of having problems, at least at the places I've worked.

 

And yet I have a co worker who touches everyone, including women. It’s not overtly sexual but I can’t believe no one has complained about him. I don’t want to get caught up in a sexual harassment issue even by accident

 

She seems to like it. I really hope she does anyway...sometimes I apologise for it as I feel a bit embarrassed by my desire to touch her there...