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Meeting up with former friend/crush

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by timetraveltea, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. timetraveltea

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    So there was this girl I knew in high school who I went to summer camp with and we were really good friends. We haven't really talked much in 5 or so years. She contacted me on Facebook the other day saying that she wants to give back a book of mine she still has, and said that we should get lunch together sometime. I told her that I would let her know when I was back from a family visit a few days later and we could arrange something. Cool cool, should be straightforward.

    The thing is, I had a serious crush on her when we were teenagers, and I had NO IDEA until about a year ago when I was just thinking about her and realized that I had had feelings for her. The delay I assume was due to the fact that I didn't know I was bi until 3 years ago, so the crush stayed buried and disguised as what I thought were just strong feelings of platonic love. I assume she has no idea about how I felt.

    I really want to see her just once to close an old chapter in my life, I suppose. I still have some feelings for her; I mean, I just realized how I'd felt about her. But I love the man I'm with now. He knows I'm planning on meeting with this girl. He even understands that it'd be too much for me to stay friends with her since I still have some leftover feelings.

    I'm really hoping we sort of fall out of contact after our meeting. I really don't want to have to straightout break off our friendship, because I think it'd be SUPER awkward and uncomfortable for both of us to tell her why we can't be friends. I have a feeling that I'll always have some feeling for her, but they don't have to run my life. All I can really do is view her as my first love (even though we weren't ever officially together), and they say that you never completely get over your first love. But you can move on. I have a beautiful relationship now with my boyfriend and I plan on keeping it that way.

    I'm going to try my best not to feel/act too awkward around her. And to let myself feel some grief. And to not feel like a total idiot for feeling all emotional about this. :dry: Any advice/thoughts/similar experiences? Is this even healthy??? I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone IRL about this.
     
    #1 timetraveltea, Jul 24, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
  2. Aspen

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    It sounds like you're still looking for some closure with this girl. Five years is a long time. You've both probably changed a lot since the last time you met. Who knows, you might meet up and realize the girl you fell in love with is just a memory. There's nothing wrong with that. Meet up with her. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to and develop whatever relationship (even if that means none at all) that you're comfortable with.

    I have a similar experience without the closure. In high school, I had a serious crush on this girl. It wasn't until four years later, though, that I realized it. At the time I thought I just really wanted to be friends with her. Sometimes I think about just running into her in her old hometown.
     
  3. timetraveltea

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    Thank you so much for the feedback :slight_smile: I met up with her yesterday, and it was a lot easier to talk to her than I thought it would be. And you're right- a lot of what I felt was tied to memories and the past. I am definitely still fond of her and the crush hasn't completely died, but I feel readier to move on than I thought I would. I think I might even be able to be friends with her and see her sometimes. We'll see though...I'm still processing some of this...right now I feel like I love her but I don't want to be with her. I think I was romanticizing a lot of what I felt before, and now I can easier face the reality of it.

    I'm sorry to hear that you weren't able to get closure in your situation. It sucks that this is an experience others have, but I'm grateful to hear about it. It helps.