Lately I've been thinking about meeting people, dates and so on. Err not really sure how to word this as just finished a long drive and I'm very tired but during the journey was thinking about stuff. Anyway I'm curious to how people find people that could possibly lead to a date, I'm shit at talking to girls and never tried talking to guys that way so I have no idea what to do. Everytime I think about it I start to freak out which also frustrates me because if I'm that bad just thinking about a hypothetical then actually getting a date I'll be a wreck. I don't know how to find the courage and as a 32 year old I feel pathetic.
It can be very awkward to ask someone out if you're in a setting that isn't dedicated to dating. Have you considered online dating? Or looking for local singles groups/events? In any case, it's often best to not jump the gun and try to go into "ask for a date" mode, even if you're really eager and, at first glance, the person seems your type. That kind of eagerness can be off-putting to a lot of people, even if they'd otherwise be interested.
awww so sorry to hear. hugs. your not pathetic. talking to girls seems a hard topic for you can you try and work through the nerves? i can help if you'd like. I try to speak to boys but i shit myself i am so daft at it! hugs
I could try that, a friend of mine a little while ago said it doesn't get any easier so sooner or later I'll have to make the jump. What pisses me off the most is that I know it'll be worth it but still can't get over that fear. I've dated girls before and up until 2 years ago was in a relationship with a girl for 5 years, we didn't have too much in common and we both weren't so it was time to mutally move on. I've never talked to guys either and wouldn't know were to begin. I think an aim for next year is to start looking into ways of at least controlling the nerves.
that sounds a bril idea, having a aim is good to work for your goals! well done you! I agree, I am Bi but don't really go to women but mainly men but, I love both genders! hope your well. and the aim is a good aim to work upon to make those anxious thoughts maybe a little easier to go on with your life, well done you!
I'd issue caution with dating sites. Personally, I have a rule that I never meet anyone that I haven't video chatted with first. I've been catfished before and it sucks.
I suppose it comes down to the art of conversation. How do we start a conversation and how do we keep it going? In most cases open questions are the best tool... questions that begin with who, what, when, where, how and (if used carefully and sensitively) why. In other words, asking questions that require more than a yes/no answer. Many people say they are shit at talking, but we have to remember that conversation is a two way process and listening and being present and attentive is just as important. In actual fact it's our ability to listen and be present/attentive that helps to demonstrate real and genuine interest in the other person. How to find people for a date? Well, there are apps if you really wanted to give them a go. I can't really comment on the straight dating apps, but the most popular gay 'dating' app seems more geared towards hooking up for sex. If that's not what you want, you may need to be more discerning about what you download. Some of the websites are better, because they allow people to narrow down criteria and try to match interests, but we still need to keep our feet on the ground and be prepared to play the dating game a bit and think safely. Sad to say some people are not what or who they claim to be online. Sometimes it's better to join social groups that are aligned to our interests and see if we match better with people in that way. Hope this helps to answer your question, to some extent.
It certainly helps, thank you Patrick I have thought about downloading apps but being caught out makes me uneasy and catfishing is something I'd like to avoid. The nearest gaybar to me which may help by at least getting to know people face to face is in Nottingham which means 120 mile round trip. Mmm I think it's time to start thinking and maybe planning, the more I think about it may help with the nerves.
I met quite a few guys online in my dating days, some were utter disaster areas, others were okay and turned into short term dates and a couple turned into much longer relationships. I went into it with my eyes open and didn't expect love at first sight and that helped a lot. I also learned a lot about my wants and needs along the way... I played the game! Planning is a good idea. What are your red lines? How much information are you willing to give away before meeting? How much information will you share on those first dates (balancing openness with reasonable caution)? How can you ensure safety on dates?
I'm quite cautious so won't want to disclose too much initially and on the subject of ensuring safety I really don't know, I'll be as cautious as possible but sometimes things out of view happen. Hopefully that won't be the case but I'm a pretty decent judge of characture mainly through being taken for a moron, it's amazing how quickly you learn after something like that which is another reason why I have quite severe trust issues. I only disclose what I'm happy about and when I think I've got a decent read on someone.
yeah thats okay, whoever called you a moron are horrible! your not a moron. that's good you have a path to know if someone is right for you etc, well done you! if you need support then please reach out we love hearing from you!
No one called me a moron, I was taken for a moron but you tend to learn quite quick when shit like that happens
ah shit sorry! did not want anyone picking on you as i know your not disrespectful but thankfully no one was rude how's your evening?
i feel so down and i am so alone my mum isnt here and i am alone so i have f all to do but trying to support people as that is what i do best and i am proud to help others as it makes me feel better that i am helping someone even if its a little help
