Hello! My name is Anel, I’m 20 years old (this year 21) and from a small country in Europe. I’m openly out to everyone and they accepted me as I am. I was always (I still am) a fun/free soul who didn’t care what people said and always did what I wanted to do. So I have this problem and I know a lot of our people in the community go through it everyday, so I had to ask someone for advice (ofc I picked Empy Closets). I have this bestfriend, let’s call him I., we met in primary school. We became good friends around 3-4th grade and then became best friends years through and we always loved each other. (I associate a lot with Zodiac signs since me and I. are really a representation of them - I’m a leo, he’s a scorpio) He’s a very open, direct and honest friend, who is never afraid to confront anyone. That makes him very special to me, since we never really had any problems and always talked it through. He tends to look mean but actually isn’t. We’ve been through a lot of things in primary school togheter, a lot of memories and a lot of amazing times. He would always come over at my place and hang with me when I was going through tough times and he (almost) always supported me in everything I wanted to do (and ofc vice versa). When high school happened, we kinda drifted apart but only for the reason that we changed schools, we didn’t even had the time, but we would still find atleast one day to go out or stay in and just have a good time. So summer 2018 happens and we start to hang out more during the free days and I kept him company at a bartending job he did. He was there for my 18th party too and also the next year. We hanged out more than ever before, but then in September of 2019 we made a deal to move in togheter in the capital city and work there (since I also had a long competition there to participate in and he had a job). Sadly, that didn’t happen since the flat we were contracted to, was declined by the owner 2 days before we had to move and It ruined so many plans. After that, I had a little health problem that needed to be solved in the hospital (making it impossible for me to move there later). The beautiful of 2020 knocked on our doors and this is probably a year everyone will remember ofc. March comes along and quarantine starts to happen. We could still hang out in public, but only two people. So I. comes back to his hometown (since I was in the hospital, he still had to move because of the job) and calls me out for a chill session. We had so much fun and we would also hang out everyday on our special secret place, we like to remember now haha. Of course we were tested regularly, we were super healthy and obeyed the regulations. Summer comes along and we went EVERYWHERE togheter. He would hang at my place, I was at his place.. we got a long super well with each other’s family and friends. We were togheter 24/7, 365. He also helped me a lot to better my confidence and looks, since he’s very into fashion. We do, watch, eat and listen to almost the same things. We also sometimes get into a small arguemnt after I’m late or do something stupid (the same for him) and we still go through it, solving it out maturely. The year 2020 went by really quick but between amazing moments, some questionable thing happened. He was never, still not is interested into anyone (he also never had a dating app). When some of our close friends ask him what his orientation is, he always says he’s straight. But I don’t really think that way, since he literally is almost the same like me (even how we act and talk) AND since the way he talks to me sometimes. This is where the problem started. He was being really flirty towards me sometimes and always said some things back to me that no one even realized but he actually said it very quietly. We were hanging out at my friend’s house and as I reached over him to grab something from the table, I brushed his “privates” with my hand. I apologized and after 3 seconds he said.. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind if you did it again.” I WAS LIKE WHAT?! He always gave me special looks when we were singing out favorite songs and had some very similar approaches like that one before. I always brushed it off since I was always head to toe interested into someone else, but I did found him attractive a lot of times in what he was saying or doing.. We also agreed on us being safety husbands untill the age of 40 (then we get married and live togheter).. he also said he has a lot of plans for our wedding and yet we are still 20 years ahead haha. (He also says in a joke that he would slap me when I’m doing stupid things and I always provoke him saying he should slap me since I love it.. then he rolls his eyes again and again...hahaha) Well, now 2021 happened. It really did happen. Regulations are starting to ease up now and we are finally able to go live in the capital in our brand new flat. He really wants us to live together since we would have so much fun and do what we would like, as any young adult would do. In mid January I started to feel some weird way I never felt before and I finally figured it out. I am completely in head in love with him and I am absolutely too scared to confront him about it. He’s moving there back first since I still have a contract at my job and I’m moving right after it ends. I still do not have the balls to tell him untill this Wednesday but maybe when I move there I will. Untill then, I would really love some help from someone. Are there any hints or subtle things you can do to figure out if he would be interested into anything or not.. or maybe an easier approach to the whole situation.. I think about him all the time and he’s like a tube of oxygen to me. You just can’t swim without it and actually no other guy is in my interest right now. So can please, please someone help me with this situation.. I know the best way is to directly approach him and tell him what’s bothering me but I still need a big push to do so. To the person/people who will reply to this, thank you so much and please do message me since I love to meet new and interesting people. Kind regards! A.I.
Hi. These situations are always tricky - if you say something and they don’t feel the same way then you could make your friendship awkward, but if you don’t say anything then you’ll never know. As you’ve said yourself, you won’t know beyond all doubt whether they have feelings for you unless you hear it from them. Subtle hints are open to misinterpretation, so keep that in mind. The main issue I can see is that your friend is not out or open about his sexuality (assuming he is something other than straight). Again you can make assumptions, but you can’t know beyond all doubt until you hear it from him. If he’s not ready to be out or open, then there is the possibility of a negative reaction if you express your feelings. Perhaps he needs more time to become comfortable with his sexuality and if so, he should be allowed to get there in his own time. Also, given the extent of your feelings, consider whether it would be a good idea to wait a while before moving in together. If things do get awkward, it’ll be worse if you are stuck in the same flat. But, you know him better than we do. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well.
From personal experience, I would think twice about living with him. The way you describe him, like he's your oxygen, and that you're not interested in any other guys, suggests to me that you might have a somewhat unhealthy attachment to him. It's perfectly fine to like someone who is a friend, but there should be other people in your life to distract you so that you are not too fixated on this one person. Imagine how much more those feelings will intensify if you live with him and see him all day, every day? In terms of telling him you like him, I have a couple of thoughts. 1) if you have to tell someone you like them, you are already behind. 2) if your friendship is strong enough, it can survive an expression of unreciprocated feelings. So I guess my thought would be, feel free to tell him you like him, but don't necessarily expect it to be returned (then again, you never know if it might be). Things might be awkward in the short term, but if he truly is a good friend, you guys will be ok. Based on your feelings for him, though, I still think it is worth reconsidering living with him. On the other hand, if you are ready to go into this situation with all of the potential pitfalls and agony that might come with it, then go for it. You only live once. Just be ready in case it becomes difficult for you to live with him while such strong feelings churn and swirl inside you.
