Hi Guys, So, I'm thinking of finally coming out. I'm about to graduate from school, and one of my classmates is very obviously gay. He's not only admitted it but he also acts like, well, like a faggot sometimes. I mean, very overtly gay. I'm the opposite and, though I've never exactly come out and announced I'm gay or straight to my classmates, I think they mostly assume I'm straight because I haven't suggested otherwise. Frankly, I've never expressed an interested in either sex to them, and I'm surprised they haven't wondered, I've hoped someone would just ask if I was gay because I'd say yes. I'm wondering if I should come out to my gay classmate first and ask him how he handled coming out. I'm not exactly the best of friends with him. Frankly, I'm jealous of him because he's 5 years younger than me and infinitely more comfortable with his sexuality than I am. Sometimes he acts so overtly and shamelessly gay I could scream at him. I could never tell him in person though, it'd have to be on Facebook. I'm thinking of sending him a message like "can I ask you about coming out advice?" And that'd be it. I'm sure he'll be shocked to discover I'm gay. Though i've half suspected he thinks I may be gay because, though my sexuality has never been brought up, we both share similar tastes - we both like horror movies of all types, we have similar taste in music, and both love certain musicals. Anyway, what do you guys think? Should I message this guy like that or is there a better way to do it? Will I just sound creepy suddenly messaging him about this subject on Facebook?
I've read most of your posts on EC and always felt that you are struggling with internalised homophobia and this comment absolutely confirmed my view: It's very unusual for a man/woman who is comfortable in their sexuality and at ease with themselves to refer to another (random) gay man/woman as a faggot. The word is layered with so much negativity and hostility that we tend to shun it. Furthermore, you said: Why? Why does it cause you so much grief to see him relaxed and comfortable in his own skin? How do you actually feel about it and how do you actually feel about being gay? I do think it would be good to come out to him and ask how he handled coming out, but I think you need to do some self work too, because this intense shame and self rejection is most unhealthy for you. Have you ever considered working with a therapist who has a track record with LGBT clients? I'm sorry if some of my comments appear blunt or challenging, but I feel it's important (for you) to confront what's really happening.
This is a situation very similar to mine, actually. I have an openly gay friend that would be my first choice to come out to, but I haven't done it yet because I'm super anxious and nervous. It can be easy to feel disdain or anger for people like this, but you should consider hanging out with them more and eventually getting advice from them about coming out and sexuality. It won't be easy at first, but you'd be surprised how willing people are to help out a friend in need!
Yea I think you should ask him for coming out advice especially from someone that's already done it before and knows how to go about it. I agree with PatrickUK you should work on yourself first before you go about coming out to someone.
