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Masturbation

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by johndeere3020, Nov 2, 2021.

  1. johndeere3020

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    OK, why is it that everytime I masturbate and upon finishing I feel dirty?

    I'm 49 years old, out, bi, I should not feel ashamed in anyway.

    Does anybody else have this happen? I mean, everytime, I feel like I'm 14 again.
     
  2. clockworkfox

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    I think a lot of us got the message when we were young that we should feel dirty or ashamed to masturbate. Whether we consciously bought into it or not, it still can carry some impact, somewhere on a subconscious level.
     
  3. Ipswichfan

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    And society has the idea that “real men don’t masturbate, they have intercourse.” Or at least men keep that idea alive.
     
  4. quebec

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    Dean.....I think it's just the remnant of what was pounded into us as children. It took me quite a while to work my way past that. You've just got to get to the place where you can subconsciously and consciously accept that you can have sex by yourself if you want to and there's nothing at all wrong with it. In one way I think it can be better than sex with another person because you have complete control of the experience.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  5. clockworkfox

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    Oh yes, I forgot about that toxic trope!! That's definitely a thing, though, and it's a problem for so many reasons...
     
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  6. Stockings

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    Im 40+ years old man, and got that same feeling, when i was younger, especially when i did some Anal mastubation, but i dont get that feeling anymore, i think its because i have accepted who i am now.

    But its also important to understand, you can feel down, after mastubating, because of the high.
     
  7. Chip

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    For what it's worth, there's a certain hardwired aversion to sex that occurs immediately after ejaculation. Basically, what happens is, serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine are flowing and levels are high while you're masturbating, but as soon as you ejaculate, the flow cuts off dead and drops pretty much to zero. This is an evolution leftover; sex feels good, but if there weren't something to make you go "yuk" after you've ejaculated... you'd probably keep on having sex. And in the cavemen era, people needed to forage for food, build fires, and so forth. So we evolved with this hardwired aversion.

    Today, the remnants of that evolutionary function are still there, and if there's any aspect of shame or guilt or "this is dirty" associated with masturbating, then the hardwired part amplifies those feelings. Add in the religious stigma that is almost inescapable to hear somewhere in our formative years and... even if we reject it, it still creeps into our unconscious.

    So you put all that together, and it's pretty easy to see where those feelings come from. The good news is, you rewire the pathways simply by engaging in the activity and reminding yourself there's not only nothing wrong with masturbating, but it is a healthy and normal endeavor.
     
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  8. VTbiguy

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    I agree I’m 48 and when I watch gay porn I feel ashamed after I cum. I’m not really out I told my mom that wasn’t easy. But when I cum everything changes but the next day I love looking at another man’s cock
     
  9. zgaynz

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    Is the shame and dirty feeling coming from the actual act of masturbating or is it from the material/fantasies you used during the act?

    For me, I'm not ashamed I masturbate. Masturbation is normal, pleasurable and for males, good for prostate health. The guilt and shame I experienced came from the material I used, which was gay porn. I would tell myself off and claim that it was just a curiosity and I'd never look at it again, both of which were never true and I'd be at it again the following day.

    The way forward for me was to accept who I am. It's natural for a predominantly gay man to look at gay porn so I was only doing what I was "geared" to do, but it took a long time for me to accept this. If you're still experiencing shame and guilt from the material then perhaps you still may have a little way to go to truly accept your sexuality? Perhaps some deep seated issue with being attracted to the same sex? If it's from the act then perhaps a sex therapist might be able to help if you're unable to get passed the issue?

    Just remember, masturbation if a fun, safe way to have sex with yourself and as long as it doesn't interfere with your daily life, there's nothing wrong with it.
     
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