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Masochism

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by -Lana-, Oct 24, 2015.

  1. -Lana-

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    Hi there,

    For the last couple of years, I've wanted people I like (as in likelike) to hurt me. I find the idea of physical abuse and violence extremely attractive and am currently crushing on someone who I was drawn to because of their violent and aggressive nature.

    I'm not exactly 100% okay mentally and I find myself in a lot of mental and emotional pain, since I was victimised by someone who used to like to torture me all the time (both mentally and physically) The main issue is that I have issues defining reality from what's going on in my head and sometimes I still feel like the woman who hurt me is trying to make me suffer and she's controlling everything and I can't stand people ignoring me and pushing me away and I feel like because of her I accept affection through violence and dominant behaviour.

    I know it's not healthy but I'm currently in a situation with someone where they do have dominance over me and they hit me sometimes and if I give them a look they will stare me down and I always back down. It's toxic I know, but I love it. It gives me satisfaction and I crave that dominance.
     
  2. Steve FS

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    Hmm.. I guess if you're fine with it and it's not damaging your health, it's fine. I will admit and say that the person I am going out with is a bit of a masochist. He always wants me to be the dominant one and cause him discomfort in some way or another. I can be rough (holding his hands down, grabbing him, etc) but I wouldn't go as far as to hit him or anything. He has asked me a couple of times, but I couldn't get myself to do it. He also likes it when I scold him or act like I'm in charge.

    Does the person that does this to you know that it turns you on when they're being dominant, or are they oblivious to their abusiveness? If they're abusive and they don't know, I would be cautious. It might escalate to the point where you can really get hurt (physically and mentally).
     
  3. scouse

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    Have you spoken to a therapist about this? I ask because playing out dominance within a safe, boundaried relationship is one thing, however what you write sounds abusive, which will ultimately be harmful and unsafe for you. May be worth discussing why you seek this out with someone professionally in that event.
     
  4. -Lana-

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  5. ConnectedToWall

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    Very interesting. I would also consider myself a masochist. I am not currently in a relationship with anyone, but am very attracted to people who show dislike to me, which is why I think it would be hard for me to be in a relationship because I think it would be hard to find someone who is a dominant but I'm not sure. I think that BSDM can be very fulfilling but for me that's only part of what I want. I feel like I could go vanilla if I was in a loving enough relationship. Does the person you are with actually care about you or are they abusive and just using you?
     
  6. Euler

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    This does not sound healthy at all. Like you admitted yourself, you are not OK mentally and that's why you should be worried. You said you are not sure if you can tell the difference between reality and imagination and this is very alarming.

    I recommend you talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist about your situation. You are in danger of being seriously abused even if you derive sexual pleasure from the violence.
     
  7. BandFangirl

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    In a masochist also, and I tend to be attracted to violent behavior (some not all tho), so I can almost understand where u are coming from (not on the abuse tho). I, too was not stable mentally and had trouble figuring out my mental thoughts from reality. So it it were me, I would try to end the relationship, get in a better place -mentally-, and then resume dominant relationships. I suggest this because if you are having trouble with your mental health you may not realise -or care- if a relationship of personal is actually becoming dangerous and even fatal
     
    #7 BandFangirl, Jan 21, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2016
  8. Mikelhpc228

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    HI Lana
    I would agree with posters, this does not sound healthy. If you have a therapist you might want to bring this up as topic to discuss.