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Married with kids & Gay

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Needhelp3, Feb 25, 2020.

  1. NotTooLoud

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    @Deshawn,

    I loved my wife, too, for a while. She justifies that I left because I wanted to sleep with men, but I know for a fact that if I had been straight our relationship would have been over; it was over for a very long time before I left.

    I think that loving a person and feeling an attraction to them are two very different things. Granted, there are some people who are attracted to a person because of the emotions they feel for the person, just as there are some people who are attracted by intellect, or other non-physical attributes.

    I always had good sex with my wife in the beginning, because I was in love with her and wanted to please her. And, the sex was physically gratifying but it left me unfulfilled emotionally. Is this what you feel, also? Can you feel at ease around a good looking woman, or does your heart begin to race?
     
  2. Needhelp3

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    Nope never once thought about a man until he role play..
     
  3. Deshawn

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    I always feel a little uneasy around a beautiful woman. I mean I almost always start to think about sex.
     
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  4. Needhelp3

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    I think we are a lot a like!
     
  5. NotTooLoud

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    This has happened to me as well, but it was not M2M sex I was thinking about (perhaps because of the societal stigma of it and the very strict way I was raised). So, I would feel the attraction, but not know how to manifest it. It has always been like a magnetic thing for me, like I wanted to connect with him, to be next to him naked, but couldn't deal with "how".
     
  6. NotTooLoud

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    This kind of sounds like the gay feelings had been shamed out of you, perhaps from an early age. I may be way off, but that happened to many people, myself included. And then, suddenly, you were allowed to acknowledge them, and they felt great!
     
  7. Needhelp3

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    Shamed out of me.. ??
    Perhaps you are right..I definitely love gay sex.. and your right I do not like to admit it..
    But i have to be honest physically I’m attracted to the opposite sex..

    Now that’s a mess!!
     
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  8. NotTooLoud

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    Sexuality is really a spectrum. You don't have to *not be* straight in order to have feelings for the same sex, and vice versa. Everybody just is what they are. The question is, with such a strong emphasis on monogamy and lifelong commitment (marriage) in our present society, how do we deal with our current partner (for those who have one), if we begin to have such a strong desire for the other kind of sex.
     
  9. case121

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    Yes, it is a spectrum, likely...but that makes is so damn hard to deal with...The past days I am more ok with who I am, regarding my attraction to males and then this morning, out of nowhere, I start fantasizing about one of my female sex buddies and want her...guess I will be part of this confusing spectrum until I die...
     
  10. NotTooLoud

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    I am on the spectrum, too, but I consider myself more gay than straight. I had good sex with women, but it was not emotionally fulfilling for me. Maybe we should embrace the way we were made?
     
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  11. case121

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    Oh yes, we should embrace the way we were made...we all come here to share, look for guidance, read other people's stories and realize we are more or less dealing with similar issues, still different.
    'Emotionally fulfilling sex'...what is that exactly for you or anyone else reading this? 'Good sex' needs to be more fulfilling than being good? I had lovely one night stands, great sex. What should it be more than that?
    Just curious:wink:
     
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  12. NotTooLoud

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    Well, what I mean is, the sex was very satisfying physically, and she had multiple orgasms (so she was pleased), but afterward, mentally I always felt this sense of … nothingness … longing … aloneness. And (since I knew I had gay feelings) I was left wondering if it would be the same with a man or if it would really be special and emotionally meaningful to me. I have not met Mr. Right yet, but I believe that that's how it will be with him; every time will be fulfilling, I hope.
     
    #52 NotTooLoud, May 29, 2020
    Last edited: May 29, 2020