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Married with kids & Gay

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Needhelp3, Feb 25, 2020.

  1. Nickw

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    @Needhelp3

    I assume that toys are to do anal sex. That’s not gay. The pleasure that comes from that form of stimulation is not something only gay guys get. Lots of straight guys like that.

    When you walk down the street, do you notice guys? I used to do this test but always failed it. I seldom saw guys that attracted me so I could claim totally straight. But, there is one type of guy I will see and I feel this hunger for him.

    That’s how I know I have same sex attractions. The idea of kissing a typical guy I see doesn’t do anything for me. My FWB kisses drive me crazy with desire.

    be honest with yourself when/if you have these moments of unfiltered attraction and maybe your answer is there. Be open to where those feelings take you. We are taught that gay is wrong so we build up defense mechanisms.

    I’m impressed you came out to your wife and have been honest. Good for you!
     
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  2. Needhelp3

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    We are taught that gay is wrong.. and it really bothers me that I truly enjoy it..If it was accepted what would my choice be..??

    But like I mentioned before kissing and cuddling another man does nothing for me..
     
  3. Nickw

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    My point is that kissing a cuddling a theoretical man is not the same as kissing and cuddling a man you might have more intimate, or romantic, feelings for. If you are bisexual and not gay then you might still find you feel differently towards men than women and neither is better. Just different. That's the way it is with me.

    Navigating a mixed orientation marriage is difficult, but manageable. There are so many societal pressures and there are so many preconceived ideas of how a marriage should work. Communication is so important. You and your wife may find you can make this work with a number of different solutions that depend on who you are and what your circumstances and goals are.
     
  4. Needhelp3

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    You are right in the fact there is one man that I do see now and I do kiss him and enjoy it a little bit..And it is because when we are together it’s like magic. He is the reason I have issues with my sexuality.

    I do believe I’m bi because I love to be with wife. Sex is good and I love our time together and the cuddling / spooning is awesome and I just could do that with another man.

    Are you 100% Bi or do you prefer one over the other?
     
  5. Nickw

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    I answer the question of which I prefer this way. “Do I find a sunset or a sunrise more beautiful?”

    From your description, you seem like you are bisexual. it is possible to have an open marriage where you can have male intimate friends. I have that. But, it is not easy and your wife has to be into it.
     
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  6. Needhelp3

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    Well sunset or sunrise I agree! My wife asked if she could watch.. biggest mistake ever..
     
  7. Nickw

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    What happened?
     
  8. Needhelp3

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    I was very nervous and agreed thinking that perhaps it would eventually lead to a three wAy..

    It did not she said it made her sick and could not believe I enjoyed sex with a man.

    Part of the issue was because i was the bottom and she assumed that I would be the top..And she really thought I enjoyed the sex way more With my friend than her..

    I guess that would be hard to watch...

    Thoughts?
     
  9. Nickw

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    My thought is that you were asking an awful lot of your wife after coming out to her so recently. If you are not in marriage counseling I would suggest that when all of this Corona virus blows over.

    Right now, I would suggest, in the short term trying to make your family, including your wife, feel as safe as they can. It’s just may not be the best time to really get into the dynamics of what happened.
     
  10. Jedidro

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    I told my wife as a disclaimer before we started seeing each other. She accepts it but I don’t think she wants to deny it.
     
  11. NotTooLoud

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    Your situation sounds so debilitating to me. I came out to my wife and ended it. It's tough being alone at age 55, but it's so liberating! She got a lot in the divorce, more than half, and I don't care because I am free!!! I love being a man, I love being a gay man, and I LOVE dating men. 55 ALIVE.
     
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  12. Lgbtqpride

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    That is wonderful. You can make some lgbt friends.
     
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  13. 1cgd

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    I am close to your age and situation and all I can say is This. Exactly. OMG YASSSSSSS!
     
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  14. Deshawn

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    I know how you feel. I am also married with children but I am bisexual and my husbands says he accepts me. But acts as if he uncomfortable with it. It doesn't help that I have no LGBTQ friends so I am here if you want to talk.
     
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  15. Deshawn

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    I like how you help him. Could you give any advice to this situation for a women who identifies as bisexual and is married. I love my husband and I want him to know that I would never leave him for anyone. But I don't know if he will truly accept my sexuality.
     
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  16. NotTooLoud

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    @Needhelp3
    Your situation is interesting. Many of the gay men I have met adore kissing and cuddling with other men. It strikes me odd that you would love the gay sex without the emotional intimacy, but every person is different. Do you think you might have some shame issues about being gay?

    Sex with my wife was always physically satisfying for both of us. I could please her very much (which I always thought had to do with her -- that she just *loved* straight sex, but later some comments from my BFs led me to believe her joy was because of me). But sex with my wife was never emotionally fulfilling, which is the piece I was missing, and longing for, for many years.

    So, what about the emotional piece? Is that still there with your wife? And what role does her reluctance play in you having a good time?
     
  17. Needhelp3

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    Well sounds like we are in the same situation.. Do you prefer one over the Other? I know I do!?
     
  18. Needhelp3

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    It’s just physically I’m attracted to women.. what started me having sex with men is I had a girl that liked to role play and I loved it..
     
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  19. NotTooLoud

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    There has to be more to it than that, dude.
     
  20. Deshawn

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    I guess I would have to say I do. I mean I love my husband and he is the only man I feel sexual desire for, but I thinking about sleeping with women all the time.
     
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