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Married, Gay Father

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by FooFight54, May 21, 2018.

  1. FooFight54

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi,

    I came out to the wife a year ago that I'm Bi. We have been married over 20 years with 2 kids. It's been a struggle ever since. In therapy, I have learned that YES, I'm bisexual and I choose to be with my wife. I have expressed this choice, this belief with my wife. She does not accept this very easy. We did try role playing with her on top. She resents that position to this day. We have not had sex since then and intimacy is very hard for me. It's like starting over trying to gain her trust in me.

    So, I live in the closet. Its safer and less risky. But I do want to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I'm gay underneath and would be happier with a man. I'm comfortable in my skin now after 40 years but afraid to lose my kids.
     
  2. Skeksis

    Regular Member

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    I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It sounds incredibly frustrating and repressive. It must be hard to be forced to choose between your wife and kids and who you truly are. It’s unfortunate your wife isn’t more open and accepting about it. My only advice would be to find what would make you happiest. Staying with her and denying who you are or trying to be yourself without her. Sacrificing yourself and your happiness for others will only bring you sadness and unfulfillment. The oxygen mask on a plane analogy is always a great one - you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put it on your loved ones.
     
  3. FooFight54

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks for the analogy. Yes, hope to take care of myself first.