i am married and in my 40s and not out. I have known, if i am totally honest with myself, that i am gay for many years but have just really faced the reality that it will never go away. i have spoken to a couple friends and that made me feel much better. if i look at my life in reverse, the signs were there in grade school, even more so in high school, and really obvious in college and afterwards. i just forged on and thinking it was a phase or i was just weird. but the things that turned me on never changed. now what do i do. i love my wife but feel like i am living a lie.