Hello all, I am hoping some guys on here can give me some advice. I am a guy who is married to a girl, the love of my life. That said I have been living a double a life. Since the age of 16 i have been having boarding sex with guys. I have never even been out to myself and although it sounds odd I have had these encounters and then just forgotten about them. This pattern has continued through my entire life. About 10 years ago I started to fall in love with a girl friend who I had known since I was 14. Our relationship progressed and we got closer and closer, spending all our time together and falling in love. I found her attractive, beautiful and in almost every way my soulmate. We proceeded to marry 5 years ago and had a wonderful time. All the while though I had been having encounters with men and had clearly become very skilled at hiding my true sexuality from everyone, even myself. 3 months ago however I had an encounter with a man and developed a throat infection. It was at that point that I guess the lid came off my surpressed feelings and I started to become depressed. I went to the doctor who put me on anti depressants, and three weeks later the truth about what I had been doing flew out of my mouth to my wife. It is not a choice I made to tell her, I had never been unhappy with her wishing I could be free to go and be gay. It was like the feelings I had surprised flew out of me and there was nothing I can do to stop it. The past few months have been hell. My darling girl is so devastated as am I. I do not want to be gay but I guess that I am. I feel no relief In telling her or any excitement at the prospect of going of and meeting someone new. She was my world. She has moved to her mothers and I am with my sisters while we are in the process of selling the home we built together. I so want to wake up in the morning and not be attracted to men so I can return to her and be as happy as I was. I was never unhappy, never sat next to her thinking that I wanted to leave. She truly is the love of my life. The one thing I want to say is that I do not feel sorry for myself. I know in all of this the one person who is hurting more is my darling wife. I would do anything to take the pain away from her. She loves me so much and wants to be with me and I her but I think we both know it is impossible. All I am looking for by writing this post is hopefully to find someone who gas been through this or something similar so I can see light at the end of the tunnel.