I am 42, been with my wife for 18 years, married 14 and have 2 children 12 and 11. It all came to a peak when a well known celebrity came out after 27 years married. I watched and cried for what seemed like hours. 2 days later I told my wife in an emotional blurb of words. This was just last weekend. I have spent the week back tracking and questioning myself. I am an emotional wreck. I’m full every emotion going, including hate for myself. I have broken her heart. How could I do that to such an amazing woman who I love so deeply. I am going to see a counsellor next week as I keep breaking down- every little thing is overwhelming. i know that I have to just re-visit the conversation with my wife, to confirm that yes- I am gay . I think since I said on Sunday- she probably knows deep down, but I’ve spent all week back tracking and breaking down. She thinks I am actually having a breakdown. So I guess I’ve clouded the water somewhat. I just couldn’t bear seeing her so devastated..... and she really was. It is the most hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life- hurt the most important person to me. I’m lost, hurting and emotional. I know it’s the right thing to do deep down- but it’s so hard doing it. help and advice hugely appreciated x
Welcome to EC. Well done on coming out to your wife. That’s a big step and takes a lot of courage. Seeking a counsellor is a good step too. I hope that will help you to process your thoughts and feelings. There’ll be a lot of people here that can relate to your situation, so reading other people’s experiences and posting can really help. In particular, you might like to check out the Later in Life section. It’s really tough. Be kind to yourself.
Welcome. What you're going through is extremely difficult and challenging, and it takes incredible courage to show up fully as you are and let yourself be seen. So in spite of the fact that you're feeling like a complete mess, you've also started on the path to exploring your true self. Remember that these feelings have been inside for decades, and so releasing them is naturally going to bring up strong emotions... and that's OK. The best suggestions I can offer at the moment are to breathe and try to take a step back and take things one day at a time. I think you'll find that as you begin to acknowledge what you're feeling, it will begin to get less overwhelming. Getting therapy sounds like an excellent idea. And sticking around here and talking about what's going on for you should be a big help as well.
I Just wanted to say that I am going through a similar situation. I am 40 and I Recently can out to my wife of 18 years. I also have 2 teen age kids. It feels good to know that we aren't alone. I hope that you are finding the support you need, as you short through what you are experiencing. I know exactly how you feel, about hurting the person you love. I feel the very same way about my wife. Keep your head up. And try to stay positive.
Can't imagine what you're going through and don't know if it will help, but the Spanish writer Juan Goytisolo wrote a memoir/autobiography in which he discussed being in love with his wife while realising he only had sexual feelings for other men. Obviously each situation is different, but there might be something helpful in it. An English translation was published in the US in two volumes. Don't know about the UK. Good luck.
Hi. im been married twice to women. I felt like I should have come out to them and I did during both marriages , they didn't believe me at the time but for me trying to act straight to the world and have these attractions and fantasies about men, plus a Christian and trying to keep the faith was devastating for me. I had a major breakdown. and that's okay. you are going to be okay and will get through this. There will not be a third time for me. I hope these words helped.
