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Married and bisexual

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by DonW, Jun 3, 2020.

  1. DonW

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    Hi. I'm new here. I'm 50 years old and have been married to my wife for 21 years. I have known most of my life that I'm bisexual, but I have never told anyone or had a sexual relationship with another man. The other night my wife told me that she is in fact bisexual ( though she to has never had an experience with another woman). She actually gave me an opening to tell her that I'm bisexial, but I didn't. And now I feel bad. I want to tell her, but can't seem to. I know she would be understanding. I wish I could go back to the conversation the other night. Any advice, from others in my situation, would be greatly appreciated.
     
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  2. Matt5110

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    I had a similar experience a few years ago so I can relate to a certain extent. I've never had a same sex experience but have thought about it off and on for about 10+ years. I'm still grappling with this as the journey has been long and in denial for quite a bit of that time. I had a girlfriend a couple of years ago and she admitted she was curious but I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my curiosity as I think it's much harder for men to admit that they have these thoughts and fantasies.

    I think you're in a much better place as you've been married to her for years and she sounds like she'd be understanding so maybe I'd try to find a way to re-introduce the subject, maybe like, "You know, I've been thinking about what you said and I guess I'm curious too." just a thought.

    Good luck to you!
     
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  3. DonW

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    Thanks. That is very helpful. Jyst knowing others have been through this helps.
     
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  4. DonW

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    I just took your advice and talked with my wife. She was very supportive and happy. I'm 50 years old and she is the first person I've came out to. Her only question was why I had not come out sooner. I CAME OUT!!!! I'm on cloud 9. Thanks for the advice.
     
  5. Redwinerox

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    Dude, that is awesome, I wish my wife had been supportive when I came out to her. She already had jealousy issues and my coming out just added guys to the equation. I’m so happy for you as you are now on a road that has a destination. I wish you both a great deal of happiness.
     
  6. DonW

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    Thank you. It's funny but we are both so much happier now. Not feeling like we're hiding something from each other.
     
  7. Redwinerox

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    That was my hope in coming out to my wife, but I guess she’s too traditional and a tad prude when it comes to sexual openness. I’m so happy for you guys.
     
  8. Confused25

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    Im just curious as to how would you know your bisexual if you never had an experience with the same sex ? Is it from your fantasies?
     
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  9. DecentOne

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    In my case that is what got me into therapy to help figure out I’m bisexual, later in life. When my fantasies switched to being mostly about men it was a clear indicator that I wasn’t straight.

    I had figured I was straight, because I liked females, and was aroused by them. Something shifted, and the fantasies are putting me on the bisexual chart, even though I’ve only been sexually active with my wife.
     
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  10. Confused25

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    And have you ever had the urge to cheat on your wife? Should i just keep exploring. Just really confused tbh.