Male sexual fluidity

Kind of. I'm pretty sure I've always been bisexual homoromantic, but while my romantic is static as far as I can tell, the sexual part slides around some. Not some much that I would completely eschew one gender or the other, but enough that it's noticeable.

 

Thanks for clarifying. I understand what you mean now. I agree that it doesn't matter, though I do understand why those mantras exist and where they are coming from. There are still a lot of people out there trying to change their orientation (I am/was one of them) because of the damage those who don't understand us have done. "I can't change" to me is not about sexual fluidity. It is about forcing change, not change happening naturally and slowly.

 

I'm not sure if it's changed, or if I've simply gained more of an awareness of it, but can definitely say that what I considered myself ten years ago is totally different from what I consider myself now. When we're only given a limited number of options to describe ourselves and identify with, we end up using whatever tools we've got, and assuming something is "wrong" or "off" with us if we can't as easily or naturally live up to certain ideals or norms, so it's not uncommon for someone to have had relationships with the opposite sex, get married, have children, etc. The pressure is just that strong; in many societies, no one much cares what you do behind closed doors, but the expectation is that you *will* "contribute to society" by marrying, producing offspring, etc. and if you identify as LGBT, and decide that's not the route for you, many conservatives see that as a rejection, and a threat.

Anyway, when someone says something along the lines of "bisexuals either lean one side or another," "they usually identify as gay or straight later on," or, "I don't believe most people can be bisexual," it's really just sending the message that we're confused, in a phase, or in-denial, only furthering biphobic stereotypes. It's also condescending, since it implies we don't know ourselves as well as others do, most of the time others who have never and never will identify as bisexual, similar to how many of these studies on homosexuality are done by heterosexuals, so they're naturally biased more often than not.

That, and men seem to be more group-oriented, almost like an army platoon, or a sports team, divided into "us" vs "them", so if there's someone who is neither, so to speak, that throws a wrench in the mix. Considering how foreign and even hostile members from both sides can treat the other, it would seem more convenient to ignore grey areas altogether. Straight guys are worried about their masculinity being threatened, and gay guys might hold resentment towards most guys for unfortunate experiences, or even small differences.

I still think there could possibly be several types of "homosexuality" and just as many factors, expressions, and developments. One of my gripes with those who come out later in life is assuming that those who do so at a younger age are somehow more self-aware and/or brave, when you have some who literally had no clue until well into their second marriage, for example. Sexuality is far too complex to make such a sweeping statement.

 

Also there is a big difference between natural fluidity and forcing change as you mentioned.

I don't believe it is possible to voluntarily change your sexuality (i.e. conversion therapy) - I think sexuality is an aspect of the brain so mysterious and deep it is a bit naive to think humans have the power to change it at a whim.

However I do think sexuality can naturally ebb and flow throughout a persons life. I'd hazard a guess it would be very subtle, and only for some people.

In terms of the bisexuality "debate" I think a large portion of people probably express some degree of bisexuality (I don't think sexuality is binary) but just would not identify as such as they are not classic bisexuals (i.e. having equal attraction).

 

I'm so glad this thead was made. I'm so sick of sexual fluidity being seen as a female thing.

 

There are studies on this subject:
Sexual Identity Development among Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Youths: Consistency and Change Over Time

http://www.midus.wisc.edu/findings/pdfs/1153.pdf

They're a headache to comb through but based on the numbers, it looks like a slim majority (55%-ish approaching 60% for lifelong rates) of people who ever carry the bi label slip to one side, as opposed to an overwhelming majority. Also, a third of those people who do change labels go back to being straight, so it's not a majority of bi-now-gay-laters. The other thing to note is that most people who come out as bi initially, and then come out as gay later do so within the span of two years. The longer someone is out as bisexual the less likely they are to change identities. The studies also found no difference in sexual fluidity among men and women, and that after the initial 'wave' of bisexuals sorted themselves to one side, the number of bisexuals remaining was pretty similar for both genders.

An important result of this is that even if the majority of people who ever carried the bi label at any point in their lives took it back, the majority of people who identify as bi at any given moment in time are exactly what they say they are. Any general population sample of bisexuals would mostly be made up of people who've been out for a long time.

This seems to match my own experience. The age distribution on bisexual sites tends to be quite a bit older than the age range for gay-themed sites or all-inclusive queer sites. Partly because bisexuals come out later on average, and partly because the ones that stick around tend to be older.