Male sexual fluidity

my sexuality has never really changes, I've never been turned of by girls. I didnt' really realize i liked guys till i was looking at my dads mens health magazine and saw all the lean, muscled guys in there, (i still thoroughly enjoy it) I've only been emotionally atracked to SOME girls.... very very few though.

 

Well, when I was 14 I was actually kinda into girls O_O. Then around 15-16 I started to like men and women, and by 18 I was only attracted to men.
Does that count as changing over time ^_^?

 

Due to biology, I'm posting here, even though I'm not strictly "male." But I do think my sexuality has changed. I don't know the best way to put it, but... basically, I've always been a little bi until about high school, when my interest in guys grew to be greater than my interest in girls. I still kind of like girls, and every now and then I'll find myself attracted to a girl, but my interest in guys is still "on top" as it were.

 

No, I don't think mine has really changed.

Maybe slightly, but not anything huge.

 

In my case, I would have to say YES.

I'm a gay-identified male in my late 30s. I have never have been with my a women (either in a relationship or sexually). However, I have been in a long-term relationship with a man for over 13 years and am out to everybody (and very comfortable with my identity). In the last few years, I have noticed that women start to appear more frequently in my sexual fantasies. Although I have always preferred straight porn to male-on-male porn, I am now finding girl-on-girl porn arousing. In the past, I used to find the thought of sleeping with a woman disgusting (i.e., the "eww" thing). However, now that I've consciously worked at letting go of that inhibitory response, there is definitely some arousal there. I can definitely picture myself have sex with (even going down on) a woman and really enjoying it. If the opportunity comes to sleep with an attractive woman, I'm taking it. I'm still very much in love with my husband and enjoy being (if you know what I mean) with a man.

So what do you think? Was there change? Or was I repressing my hetero impulses in the past and am now (in my late 30s!) getting in touch with my bi-ness?

This is actually kind of distressing. I have built a life around being gay, but now have this new reality that seems disingenuous for me to ignore or deny. Also, nobody seems to be able to validate my experience, suggesting that I'm in some way trying to prove that I'm straight. Not true. Trust me, it would be a lot easier to be a consistent Kinsey 6. In fact, I will continue to self-identify as gay because it elicits far more understanding and acceptance (from both straights and gays) than claiming a bi or fluid or "undefined" orientation.

 

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure about myself. For a long time I just assumed I was into girls, then when I started looking at men and women online and looked into LGBT-related stuff I secretly assumed I was straight-leaning bisexual, don't think I seriously considered being gay until around the time I finished my two years of college about over year, year and a half ago.

But looking back, I've been unsure just how interested I was in girls 'cause I never really had any close female friends, let alone became intimate in any way, shape or form with one. Thought they were pretty, cute but aside from watching stuff online, don't believe I had/have the same drive other guys have towards them [well, straight or bi ones, anyway.] And like Lex described, if I'm looking at people [men or women] it's consciously rather than unconsciously and I notice examples of both I'd find attractive, though I might say I only 'check out' guys or at least find a greater variety of them appealling to me. If that makes sense, anyway.

So I'll answer that it has changed, if only in the sense that in coming to terms with my sexuality, my interest in women hasn't really changed [which is to say it's fairly limited] but that my attraction to men, however slowly, has been gaining momentum and I'm growing more confident identifying as gay rather than bisexual.

 

Cast my vote for when I was a male. Hope it counts

 

Yes, I have gone from just about equally attracted to both sexes to being almost gay, and then back. Right now, I am feeling quite gay again.

Also, your last quote is really sick, Naren.

 

I can say for myself that I used to identify as bisexual. Then I kind of woke up to the fact that the only sex act I find exciting with a woman is anal intercourse, and that I had always seen vaginal intercourse as something I had to put up with until I got permission to do anal, and that when I did have vaginal intercourse I just pretended it was anal. I realized that this was hugely unfair to me and the women I was dating, so now I just identify as gay.

---------- Post added 28th Feb 2014 at 02:26 PM ----------

Josh S I think we've had a similar experience. I agree that I always found certain women cute (not hot though), but I also think certain puppies are cute.

 

I'm bi. So I guess my orientation hasn't ever changed, persay, but I'm a pretty fluid bisexual. I might prefer guys one week, girls another.

 

Ages 0-4: Nobody.
Ages 5-6: Nothing but girls.
Ages 7-10: Nothing but boys.
Ages 11-present: Both boys and girls.

 

It has, and it is, I think, the weirdest experience of my life.

 

I'm pan, but I'm kind of fluid with it. Go back about five years and I swung more towards women, now I prefer men.

 

Over the course of 10 years my orientation shifted from about 90-10 leaning female to 50-50.

I remember being repulsed by most men when I was 14, and finding lots and lots of women attractive--physically and emotionally. Women were the catalyst for most of my sexual fantasies in my teenage years. If you had told me that in 12 years I'd be in a serious relationship with another man I would've been very skeptical at the time. Slowly the slider shifted over time though. I never lost any attraction to women I just gained more turn-ons, more 'types' that I could go for. At some point I began 'seeing' men later in life. Sometimes I run into a guy I knew in high school and realize just how hot he actually was. That's always interesting.

I present myself as a living counterexample to anyone who says you're "born this way" and that it cannot change. I think that it works that way for some, but not for others.

 

I occasionally find women arousing, I just see it as one of those weird quirks of nature. Perhaps its just something a bit different? *shrugs* I don't and have never seen myself as bi, Kinsey 5 perhaps if I had to label (I hate labels)?

Likewise I'm guessing there are some straight men who have had fantasies about men - doesn't necessarily mean they are bi or gay. Meh, just embrace what you are given!

 

I find this last line interesting. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting your experience in any way, but using your example as a counter to people who say we are "born this way" says to me that you are fighting against gay rights? People say, "I can't change." because of the damage done by gay conversion camps, churches, etc. If you are fighting against that idea, aren't you fighting for the idea that gays can be converted to straight?

In my opinion, sexual fluidity has nothing in common with attempts to make people straight. But your last line implies otherwise.

 

I don't buy into the idea that female sexuality is inherently more fluid while male sexuality is inherently static. I think it's more of a result of social conditioning. Straight girls can get drunk at a party and kiss other girls to impress their boyfriends, while if a guy ever gives another guy a kiss he is branded "gay" for life.

Personally my sexuality has been somewhat fluid. At least, from my pre-sexuality (pre-pubescent) years, I had crushes on girls. I remember being in like 2nd grade (age 7-8) and having a major crush on this girl who sat behind me, I would always do things to annoy her.

I remember we were at some Halloween party, all of his were done up in costumes for a contest where we all secretly voted on who had the best costume. She was dressed as some Disney princess, Cinderella I think, I'm not even sure, I voted for her just cuz I thought she was pretty. :icon_redf

Then somewhere along the line I seemed to lose interest in girls. By 7th or 8th grade (age 12-13), I found myself staring at boys for reasons I didn't understand. I no longer had any crushes on girls, but I thought that was because all the girls in my class were just unattractive.

I don't know whether my sexuality changed, since I didn't really have a sexuality as a child, and maybe I just matured into my actual sexuality. But somehow children, including myself, seem to develop crushes on one another despite not having sexual drive. I definitely felt attracted to this girl and wanted to kiss her. Many gay guys say they had crushes on other boys from their earliest years, whereas I was the opposite. Something changed over the years where I shifted from exclusively girls to a mix to exclusively boys.

 

I think most people who identify as gay are very much what they say they are, and that their orientations are fixed over time. I hope I made it pretty clear in that post that I don't think my own experience is the same as everyone else's. Far from it.

I fight for gay rights on the principle of civil liberties and human equality. I see no reason why it should matter whether someone's queerness is biological or not, permanent or not. I see no reason why consenting adults shouldn't be able to do whatever they want, if nobody's getting hurt. The "born this way" mantra and the lgbt rights movement are not the same thing. Don't conflate them. The former doesn't protect ALL queers.