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Male Mentor

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LionO, Apr 23, 2018.

  1. LionO

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    Recently came out to an older male figure in my life who ive known since I was 12. During the conversation he revelead to me that he always thought I might be gay because of my mannerisms and stuff. He said he'd even thought about discussing it with me when I was younger but he thought it might not be appropriate. Thats all well and good but now im left with troubling thoughts that have left a lot of confusion in my mind. The reason for this is that ever since ive known him hes touched my butt, like spanking, pinching and poking. If you're a mentor of a teen or a young man who you think might be struggling with their sexuality, why would you touch their butt?
     
  2. smurf

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    If he is straight, a lot of guys have this weird thing about touching each others butt. The trick is that these type of guys will do it in public and in front of others which separate it a little between those type of guys and the guys who are doing it to you only when you guys are alone and only to you.

    All that being said, if his touch is making you uncomfortable then he has to stop. Its not rude for you to say "Hey I know you don't mean anything by it, but I feel uncomfortable when you pinch/touch my butt. Can you please not do it again?" I know it feels confrontational and like you are making a scene, but that's not the case. This is you setting up your own healthy boundaries and letting people around you know exactly what you need to feel safe. If this guy is your real mentor and care about you then he will simply apologize and stop the behavior. If he tries to excuse it and convince you that it no big deal, then you have to stop contact with him.

    I'm sorry that you are being put in this situation!
     
  3. wardrobeescaper

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    This guy was touching you like that aged 12 and into adolescence?!. How old was, is he? I've been a mentor to a younger guy and I would never touch him like that. To be honest I think this guy has been predatory and probably also grooming rather than mentoring you. If he makes you feel uncomfortable I would cut him out of your life and tell someone.
     
  4. 21zephyr

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    LionO-

    It’s not an appropriate relationship if he is touching your butt. A mentor might give you a hug or a pat on the back, but touching the butt crosses the line. Just the fact that you posted and it made you uncomfortable is reason enough. Either establish some clear boundaries, always have another person with you or find a more appropriate mentor.

    Coming out and accepting yourself is an amazing and somewhat tough time in your life- you need supportive people, not someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts!!!

    There is a chance it is harmless, but you still don’t feel right. That’s just my opinion.
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    If all of this happened while you was a minor, it was very inappropriate, but it's not entirely clear from your opening message if this was, in fact the case. It sounds like it was, but can you clarify? Are you concerned that he was abusing his position, and if so, how do you feel now?

    When an adult is in a position of trust with young people great care must be taken [by the adult] with any sort of physical contact. Even a reassuring hug of support can be taken out of context, so anything more than that, especially behaviours like spanking and pinching are very troubling. Are you reflecting on this only because of your sexuality?
     
  6. TrevinMichael

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    I agree with the rest of the men if you were under age or not if you were confused or struggling then he should have not touched you like that.

    And saying he was going to ask you but did not, that is crazy. He seemed to have liked his touching and that you might get hurt did not really matter to him as much. I can relate.
     
  7. LionO

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    He's 12 years older than me. Im an adult now tho.
     
  8. wardrobeescaper

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    So he touched your bum when you were 12 and he was 24? That's highly inappropriate. How did you meet this guy? I'm not convinced he had your best interests at heart and he needs to be reported to the authorities otherwise he will be touching other 12 year olds
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    Is he still mentoring young people? Could there be a chance that he is still engaging in this sort of inappropriate behaviour? Try to tell us about the troubling thoughts that you are having. It sounds like it's started to weigh on your mind.