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m straight and had gay experience.!!! i feel sick to my stomach?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by justing28, Sep 26, 2012.

  1. justing28

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    i had a gay experience last sat night.im 28 male. firstly my night started off with a few drinks. i took an extasy tablet at start of the night also. then i met character x and character y who are a gay couple.i see them often in my local bar. mister x is always flirting with me in a humoruos way in the bar when he sees me. always touching my rear. and giving me a quick kiss on lips. it pisses me off! he is a wild character!!! but he and his boyfriend seem like nice people. he invited me back to his house. we drank some champagne listened to some music. got more drunk!! then mister x boyfriend went to sleep because he was tired. mister x started flirting with me, i was horny at the end of the night, i was drunk and high!!! he put on a porn on the tv. there was 2 guys having sex but one tranvestite. she looked pretty. it was ****** up what i was thinking at this stage. before i knew it we were in his spare bedroom. . we didnt have sex and i didnt let him kiss me on the lips as i felt uneasy with it. we had foreplay. i let him rub penis and rub my anus for while. so yes i let him touch me. sorry to be so detailed but yes i let him also put his finger in my anus for bout 5 mins. he asked me to hold his penis so i did but remember feeling very uneasy!!! so i stopped. i know im 100 percent not gay and am really upset that i let this happen. its so out of character with myself.i know i was telling him few times to stop as it was very uncomfortable for me, kissing me. i felt weird with that. the drugs and drink were totally the cause of this ever happening.yes i was horny and yes maybe inquisitive!!! under the influence. ive nothing wrong with gays, i knew i wasant gay and i still ended up having foreplay with a gay guy. could i ask for some advice ?? i know for definate if i was sober this would not have happened. i know for def what sexuality i am and IM NOT trying to deny who i am.trust me on this!! im straight. i love women only. im freaked out and i cant relax!!! totally stressed out! im going to counselling tomorrow after work. im getting panic attacks in work.
     
  2. Alexander69

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    Look I wouldn't worry to much about this honestly if you know who you are know your sexuality then it didn't mean anything it was just some drunk shit and you were high so I wouldn't focus to much on it. I think you are feeling more guilty inside and disgusted but YOLO and I can't really relate to you in this cause I am gay, but a lot of straight girls i know fool around with other girls cause I'm friends with straight girls, you didn't have sex so I don't think it's that big of a deal I wouldbt sweat it but hey if talking to a thearepist would help you I say go for it!
     
  3. LauraMarie

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    :thumbsup:-shrugs- like the user above said if you know your 100 straight then don't let this experince shake you o.o seeing a thearepist would be good if you need it I guess o.o you didt have sex though so don't sweat it ^^ at lease you know your straight right? :grin:
     
  4. Toffee

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    If you were repeatedly saying no to this guy but he ignored you and carried on then he sexually assaulted you. You were drunk and high and he took advantage of you. I think you are straight and he took advantage of you. It doesn't matter if you were initially horny and inquisitive no means no. Please explain this to your therapist.
     
  5. Alexander69

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    Ya but even if you are drunk you could walk away, in not justifying what this guy did but I wouldn't go as far as to say he sexually assaulted him that's a little over the top. And saying that would be taken very very seriously and could even lead to charges, so I would say he was drunk, horny, high.... And something went down maybe not what he intended to happen but even being out of your mind if you didn't and REALLY didn't want to do something I think he could have gotten away, it's not like this guy strapped him down and locked him in his room. It was a fucked up drunk/high mistake and i am sorry that happened to you and I would tell you therapist that you said no and he proceeded but I don't see that being sexually assaulted you had ample opportunities to leave and by "letting" him touch you that's what you said I assume then you put out, so that is not sexual assault since you then opted to put out and let him finger you and touch you. Yet again I am sorry this happened to you when you were intoxicated an not in your right mind but I hope you can come to deal with this someday, a lot of straight girls have had bi experiences before and I wouldn't doubt if some straight men have also! I hope I helped you a bit here!
     
  6. justinf

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    ^ I couldn't disagree more. It doesn't matter that he let the guy touch him. You always have the option of saying no. And no means no, no matter what. Period.
     
  7. Alexander69

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    Are you saying you disagree with me?

    ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2012 at 10:38 PM ----------

    Even though he said no and I do agree no means no he still put out and to me that is in no way sexual assault, sexual assault is "involuntary Sexual act in which A person is threatened, coerced, Or forced to engage against their will" or "any sexual touching Of a person who has not consented" in the end he did consent to The touching since he says "I let him rub penis and rub my anus for a while, so yes I let him touch me" right there is all the proof needed to say this is not sexual assult.
     
  8. justinf

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    And by law you cannot consent to a sexual act under the influence of alcohol.

    But let's not go off topic, we share a different opinion, and that's fine.
     
  9. Alexander69

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    Yes we do, I agree with you and thank you for letting me know that because I had no clue that that was part of the law but you are in America so I don't know if the same laws apply in Canada.
     
  10. lazyboy

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    Yes, the same laws apply in Canada. ANY unwanted touching of a sexual nature is deemed a sexual assault.

    Here's where it gets murky for me... The fellow was impaired. The guy, "character x" definitely took advantage of the situation, and this fellow didn't say no. Instead, he consented to some "foreplay" (which to me, was very sexual in nature). Then he didn't want to go further, so they stopped. :confused:

    Not sure if this counts as a sexual assault since Justing28 willingly participated, then ended the encounter of his own choice, but with the fact that he was impaired, it sounds like it could be very close. I'm thinking it was.

    But that's irrelevant right now.

    What's important is the fact that this guy is totally freaked out by the whole thing. I think what needs to be understood is that just because you are straight and have a single same-sex encounter, especially under the influence of drugs and alcohol, it doesn't mean you've switched sides or something. It happens from time to time. We all know sexuality is not as rigid as many believe, but for a lot of people, an experience like the one described would be totally mind-blowing.
     
    #10 lazyboy, Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  11. silverhalo

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    What I am interested to know is whether or not you actually told him no, or whether you just felt uneasy in your own mind?
     
  12. FathomFear

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    I'm in Canada and the laws are the same here. If you're drunk/high you are not able to legally give consent. And it doesn't really matter if you "could" walk away, either. If you say "no" and the other person persists, that person is guilty of sexual assault. It's very clear cut legally speaking.
     
  13. Alexander69

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    What ever! I don't think it's sexual assault The other guy wasn't sober and was also drunk so in my mind no one is to blame! I think it was a f****d up mistake that he made and that's it and yet again I'm sorry that this happened to you but I'm pretty sure you are not the only person in the world who has had a gay experience when you were high/drunk and are straight. If you feel disgusted then like you are doing go talk to a therapist.
     
  14. patience

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    Mister X sounds like asshole. He took advantage of your lack of sobriety. Do I think this man sexually assaulted you? That is very much your call, and your call alone. If you believe he did, then you need to talk to someone about it. However, you do need to realize that you put yourself at great risk in this situation. I'm not blaming you for his actions by any means (what he did was inexcusable,) but you could have come away from that night WAY worse off than you did. Whether you do or do not talk to someone about assault, you should probably talk to a therapist about why you ended up in this situation in the first place.

    On a side note, there is a vast ocean of people who have had regrettable hook ups in their lives (yep, I'm one of them.) I chalked it up to alcohol and very poor decision-making. Doesn't make you gay; it makes you a human that made a mistake. I'm sorry that you feel so terribly about it. I hope everything works out. :slight_smile:
     
  15. rockgodgx

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    it's just an experience of a sexual fetish every straight guys goes through... yolo!!!

    but i have to agree though u were raped man!!! sorry u had to experienced that though.
     
    #15 rockgodgx, Sep 27, 2012
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2012
  16. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC!

    I won't argue the semantics of consent, and rape, and assault. I think we can all agree that you ended up doing something that you didn't really want to, and that the drinks and drugs were probably a factor in that happening. Given that, how should you proceed? I'd say:

    1. Keep a much steadier hand on your drinking and drugging in the future. You now know what might happen if you let yourself go a bit too crazy.

    2. Stop dealing with Mister X. (That sounds like I'm telling you to give up Ecstasy...which wouldn't necessarily be a bad idea, but that's not what I mean. :slight_smile: ) I wouldn't accuse him of anything, really, because that will simply lead into things he can argue. There's no reason to dive headfirst into a "You assaulted me/You could've stopped me" argument. Instead, just say "I got a bit too fucked up with you last time, and I did some stuff I really wasn't into, and I really don't want a repeat performance. So I'm just not going to deal with you anymore." Done and done.

    Lex
     
  17. user1992

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    I had a very similar experience except it was overdose on caffeine not ecstasy. It happened four months ago and I am still suffering, I feel as if I have PTSD. How are you now, does it get better?
     
  18. The Queen Bee

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    You sound like Kinsey 1 to me...
    Straight overall.
     
  19. Capichino

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  20. Ettina

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    I also think that was sexual assault. Though it may be really difficult to get a conviction, given the sorry state of our legal system.

    And Mister X does not reflect all gay people. Any orientation can be a rapist, it's a separate issue.

    One thing I would recommend is that you talk to a counselor. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of unpleasant emotions about what happened, and a counselor could help you sort those out.