Lost virginity on a first date and I feel kind of weird about it

I went on a dinner date with a guy from a dating app. I thought he was cute, and I was excited to meet up with him. We had good conversation and both seemed at ease; I wasn't head-over-heels in love or anything, but I liked him and vocalized my interest in seeing him again (and he did the same). After dinner, we went for a walk, then went back to his place, where I started making out with him and it progressed into sex.

Here's the thing: soon after we started making out, I kind of lost emotional interest in him. In terms of the physical act(s), I actually felt comfortable and ready and was fine, and I didn't feel any obvious shame during or after. (Note: he didn't push or pressure me to do anything I didn't want to. It was mostly me moving us forward, in fact.) But I wasn't feeling any real romance the whole time; the physical sensations were nice, but I didn't really feel the "fireworks" I was expecting to.

I think this bothers me a little bit because not feeling just overwhelmingly attracted to this boy and not being blown away (no pun intended) by the sex plays into a fear of not being gay "enough"; although I have no real attraction to girls, it's a worry that still pops up from time to time. But also, I've felt a vaguely weird/scared/unsettled about the situation all day, even though I don't actually feel shame telling people I'm gay or even telling a friend that I just had gay sex.

I guess I'm unsure if this is just about shame in general, or maybe if I'm afraid I can't get emotionally close to potential romantic partners. I'm also a little afraid that when I see him again, because of this experience, I won't be able to make a more emotional connection because I took things a little too fast.

None of this is a question, really. I suppose it would just be helpful to hear if anyone has experienced anything similar.

 

I think the problem is you are thinking about this way too much. I mean, I'm always one for analysis, but I'm pretty sure most problems with romance and sexual attraction come from allowing yourself to worry, and worrying is bad. It is entirely possible you won't have a perfect time with sex until you actually feel very attracted to someone and know them pretty well, but I really doubt there are any fundamental problems with your ability to enjoy sexual and romantic activities. For some people it just takes longer to fall in love.

 

I think you are just comparing the expectations to the reality of the situation.

I for one don't experience sex as mind blowing. Don't get me wrong, its good and I do it often, but it has never been this movie moment of "Oh MY GOD". It has always just been really good time. Also, the first time usually never feels that way specially with everything that you were analyzing as you were having sex.

Right now I've been married to the man of my dreams and the sex is still not top 10 reasons why I love him or our relationship. I feel way more connected to him through other things that we do together. Some acts of kindness or thoughtfullness where I have actually felt the "Oh MY GOD" moment.

So yeah, slow down. You are probably "gay enough". Now you just need to enjoy what you enjoy and try to stop comparing it to shoulds and what ifs.

Just feel it.

Maybe, but for me personally I have always been able to connect emotionally faster after we get the sex over with. The sexual chemistry is done and now you can focus on other things lol

 

Congratulations, you had your very first "Hook up".
Right now you are confusing your sexual interests with the ideals of love all children are taught from an early age.
It is quite normal to meet someone, be sexually attracted to them, be friendly,intimate, and sexual with them and still not be in love with them or even connected on an emotional level.
You should look forward to meeting your partner again, if you don't have that desire then chalk up your encounter as one good time of many you will have in your lifetime and who knows, if you continue to interact with that person on a continuing basis that emotional need and desire to be with them just may begin to grow.

 

I would also suggest that if this was your first time with a guy, it's very normal to have it not turn out the way you expected. You probably put a lot of pressure on yourself to perform, and that causes anxiety on some level. I'm glad you enjoyed it even if it wasn't the mind-blowing experience you wanted. It takes time for the emotional and intimate elements to develop, so don't worry about that part.

 

My first time was with a guy and I too didn't feel the spark. The second time, however, I bottomed and finally felt the spark. If you have feelings for someone, don't judge the relationship by the first time you hook-up. Mix it up the second time till it feels right.