@Unsure77 I get your point, but in our culture we do not label people with SSA as gay, bi etc as you do. I am a man suffering and struggling with unwanted SSA. That's all it is. It is not an identity. So when you state things such as 'if you're gay then your wife has to know etc..' well that is not how we look at things. I do not feel it would help anyone if I disclosed this part of me, it would only hurt them and make things difficult. I also do not plan on leaving my wife in 10 years because I 'can't deal with a straight marriage.' I am trying to work on myself, albeit failing miserably at times. Everything else about are marriage is great apart from this issue. I think it would be really self centred of me to leave my wife because I have SSA and I think men who do this to their wives are abhorrent, thinking more with their dick than their heart.