1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Looking to chat to effeminate guys and make friends.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by luke564, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi there, I thought long and hard about making this post, I want to make it absolutely clear that I am trying 100% to be as respectful as possible, I know a lot of people dislike the feminine gay stereotype, and some people even get offended by it, I don't want to offend anyone.

    I'm looking to try and find some gay online friends, something I struggle with a bit, of course this includes ANYONE from the LGBT community (willing to put up with my rambles), but I also wanted to know if there were any "effeminate" gay guys on here that would like to chat, anyone that has "girly" interests or would consider themselves quite feminine specifically.

    It's just something that's been on my mind a lot recently and I think I'd love to meet more guys like this and understand myself a bit better.
     
  2. happydavid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm not sure if I qualify but I was born a boy and have very feminine traits. Eg I mainly have female friends and like to dress up as a woman.
    If you want to be my friend your more than welcome to send me a request.
     
  3. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    What is it about feminine guys that will help you to understand yourself better? Are you trying to compare with a similar experience? Contrast with a dissimilar one?
     
  4. DAFriend

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2016
    Messages:
    327
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arkansas
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Luke,

    Well I might do for a friend. I do have a female body and, a very feminine side, but, I've also got a very masculine side. I don't identify as either but, I am not without gender either, I am the third gender. I have a gender, just not male or female.

    I also have several friends for whom I am their "Fag Hag" I like the term and don't consider it derogatory. Just means I'm good at being friends with gay guys and, like having them for friends.
     
  5. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks guys.

    It's really hard to explain this, I will try - but it's hard.

    Since being on this whole "curious" journey guys that have "effeminate" traits (and I appreciate this is subjective) have just always been a reoccurring and prominent factor, maybe it's dreams I've had, or things people say to me, or random daydream thoughts that just pop into my head when I'm at work, guys I see walking down the street, music or tv shows that I see advertised on TV -it's like, as I become more and more curious I feel more and more drawn to all these elements - it's not JUST being with a guy, or kissing a guy or whatever -it's often about the whole package that comes with maybe, I don't know -being a different person, having different interests - having a different outlook on life.

    I've found myself questioning things in my life, the way I act, the stuff I "like" - is it really me or is it just how I was shaped because of my environment I grew up in? Does this explain why I'm bored of life? Hate the way I dress and the reflection of me in the mirror, bored of all the music I listen to.

    Feminine guys are in some ways the absolute opposite to me in every single way, I just find myself so curious about them, I don't mean that in a alienating or objectifying way, it sounds unthinkable in a way but I can't escape the thought of what it might be like to have friends like that and to break free of the social chains I grew up with of how negatively it would be perceived to act or be like that or gab around people like that.

    I have so much admiration and respect for people who just do what they like, I'm not really sure WHAT I like anymore but I'm more convinced than ever the stuff I do, the stuff I like - it's all the result of my upbringing - it's not the real me.

    ---------- Post added 15th Nov 2016 at 03:01 PM ----------

    Sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes, typing on phone, can't edit posts etc
     
  6. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I also seem to be attracted to effeminate guys. A few of them have later come out as trans...
     
  7. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Gravechild,

    Are you effeminate yourself? I'd be really interested in what it is specifically that you're attracted to.
     
  8. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    In some ways... Funny how the definition of feminine/masculine changes according to whether someone is male or female...
     
  9. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey there, I hate the fact I'm struggling to answer this question. I guess if I could sum it up it in the most frank way, I'm having sudden confusing thoughts about my sexuality, and there are elements of this that I find almost confusing / arousing (effeminate boys are obviously a part of this, but my changing feeling towards women etc are another), and its so embarrassing and frustrating to admit this, because it feels like it cheapens it somehow, it cheapens the confusion I'm going through, and it also feels disrespectful to other people.

    The truth is I don't know any gay people (offline), especially effeminate guys - and I feel like the first step I need to take is to meet some, chat, - even if its online, I want to share thoughts on how I feel, get their take on stuff - even the bits that I find a bit embarrassing.
     
  10. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Okay. I'm curious, why did you say "confusing/arousing". Why is what is arousing to you confusing? That sounds like two things that shouldn't be happening at the same time.

    What do you mean when you say you have changing feelings towards women? Why is that?
     
  11. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm not sure how much detail to go into, it feels a bit like I tried to start a light-hearted conversation on chit chat and now this belongs elsewhere, I don't want to break the rules of the forum.

    There's obviously a whole load of backstory to this, which I won't bore you with, but I've started having thoughts about other guys (obviously) and a big part of this is with guys that have specific feminine traits - so this is where the confusion comes from, its compounded by the fact that after certain dreams I've had and stuff - I've also been left feeling aroused. (I'm trying to think of a better word that somehow feels less awful)

    Along with this, I've also found my feelings towards women changing, although this is a very new thing and quite subtle, so it's not something I'm sure I can really go into much detail about - its like, a girl will catch my attention (say on the way to work) and I'll notice the way they stand, or dress or how they do their makeup and I while I obviously evaluate her attractiveness (in my mind, it's just something I do, I can't help it I guess) - I also find myself paying attention to how well the girls dress themselves - I'm not sure if that makes sense? it's not like who has the most expensive clothes or the tackiest makeup or anything like that - but more like which girls are better at dressing themselves, at understanding what "look" suits them. In some respects I've started doing this with guys as well, a few years ago I can't ever remember myself being consciously aware of which people around me were better dressers.
     
  12. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So, you're having sexual thoughts about feminine men? Is this something brand new? Is this something that has happened before, or is it only a recent experience?

    Why is it awful to be aroused?

    Why do you think you've started noticing how well women are dressed? Why is that important?
     
  13. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    That is a lot of questions SkyWinter :slight_smile:

    I do appreciate your responses though.

    So yeah the thoughts are all fairly recent (relatively speaking) - given that I used to be in a normal straight relationship years ago etc and had never had any homosexual thoughts before.

    The thing about the arousal, is that its not even just at the thought of sex, or being intimate, sometimes its happened even from really ordinary things like - the thought of acting a certain way, or dressing a certain way - and yeah I feel guilty at the thought of finding that stimulating or arousing, firstly because this is all new to me and I guess I'm embarrassed, and secondly because its over stuff thats just supposed to be perfectly normal, and stuff that comes naturally to people, and can't even be helped.

    I don't think noticing the way women dress is really that important, not compared to the other stuff - but it seems weird that new thoughts about men, and in particular feminine guys have entered my conscious at the same time I've started looking slightly differently at real women.
     
  14. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You like what you like. There is no reason to be embarrassed by what turns you on.

    Are you noticing the way women dress because feminine men sometimes dress more stereotypically female than many bio-women do?
     
  15. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I'm only embarrassed because it's something that's changed, and it's not something I would have liked at all, so it's surreal to find myself getting turned on by it. But thanks.

    That's a really interesting theory about the dressing, I guess in this case can you give an example of a guy dressing more "stereotypically female" than a woman? It would help me grasp where you're coming from I think.
     
  16. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Often times, but not always, a bio-male who identifies female, (or maybe is just a gender non-conformist) will dress much more stereotypically female than some bio-females. Very detailed makeup. Long flowing skirts that emphasize the hips/waist. Flowery patterns. Pastel or bright colors. Long hair. Jewelry. Heels. Things that are typically associated with femininity.

    Compare trans-women to many bio-women pushing back against gender stereotypes who often wear less makeup, less flowery clothes, etc.
     
  17. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey!

    You're bringing up really good points, but I think this is where I think maybe the phrase "effeminate guy" might be the wrong to use, I've never been talking about guys that dress as women or biological males that live as women - I'm talking about gay guys that exhibit feminine traits, and the weird thing is it's not just about the way they dress, so yeah we could be talking about a slightly androgynous guy I see on the train who wears pink jeans, or it could be a guy who dresses in tight "straight" clothes but has a skinny fit girls tee under his jacket and maybe some feminine jewellery on - but I'm also including a guy who's just listening to a type of pop music you might associate with a big female fan base, maybe has a feminine tone in his voice, mannerisms that kind of thing.

    It's really weird for me to be noticing this stuff and almost unthinkable that I've become curious / attracted to it.
     
  18. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Well, you're attracted to what you are attracted to. Why is that unthinkable? Have you just not allowed yourself to have those thoughts?
     
  19. luke564

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2015
    Messages:
    278
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    They're just completely different to the thoughts I've always had, imagine waking up one day and thinking differently about stuff, like finding your attraction seems to have changed, things you always hated now seem quite appealing - and vica-versa, it's scary right? That's the reason I originally signed up to empty closets, because I'm trying to be more open minded and I'm trying to figure it out, I want to try and speak to people and get advice and different perspectives.

    I guess maybe I'd like to tell you the full story but you're probably really bored of me by now :slight_smile:
     
  20. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2016
    Messages:
    782
    Likes Received:
    82
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    That's up to you if you want to give the entire story or not. Sometimes it helps to put it down in words so you can see it too.