Hi everybody on here.. I have been going through some things lately. I am a trans man, married for 5 years now and recently fought to the point where my husband and I almost separated. We have never really fought about anything serious before and there were days of things said to me that feel like they’ve permanently damaged my mental state. It was not his fault, I pushed him and we were both lashing out at each other. But it has brought us to a point where I feel I am for once not sure about my life. I love him and he loves me and we are working it out. But it feels like something has destroyed my whole life. And our whole lives have been each other. We are so close and private and have always been in our own sanctuary together. So this is like a shot gun blowing it away through the heart because I never anticipated us having this experience. And it ended up being that my testosterone therapy is where this began. I started the T several years ago so it has been a long time of us holding things in. Since we have always done everything together I am having a hard time because I have no one else to talk to. I lost connection with most of my friends many years ago. It is not a supportive community because I live in the middle of a very conservative province. There is no real way for me to even meet others in the community here. I am just looking for people to connect with who will listen to me and I can listen to them. I hope that I might find some welcoming here and maybe with support I can work through my life and develop new relationships… last night at dinner with his mom I had these thoughts of suicide that popped in my head, just uncontrollably, as she was saying how much she loved me, because she didn’t know about any of this and it hurt so much that time. Anyway.. I really just want to be a part of a community and talk to someone.. see if I can make some friends.. I hope someone is out there.