Hi everyone, I'm new here and hope I am posting in the right place. I am 32 years old and recently divorced (after a marriage to a man) and have only just accepted to myself that I am lesbian. I did a lot of learning about myself after separating from my ex-husband and as soon as I allowed myself to consider the possibility that I was lesbian it was so incredibly obvious to me that it was true and made so many things make so much sense. In spite of this the thought absolutely terrifies me and I doubt that I will ever have the guts to come out. I worry a lot about being judged, especially given that my divorce is a bit messy (this was not the reason for divorce and although it clearly contributed to some of the problems, there were issues way beyond this). I also have two young children. They are my world but I worry that as I 32 year old single mother who took so long to realise her own sexual orientation that I will never find a women who is interested in me. I basically would love to hear some positive stories from people in similar situations who had the courage to come out and managed to find love .
Welcome to EC. 32 is not that late to come out, I know many who took much longer. I only started living as my true self permanently in my 40s. As far as finding someone for a relationship I know many people who have gotten into new relationships even later.
Hi CCLT. Welcome. You have posted in the right place. I was the same age as you when coming out and going through a divorce from my husband. While I still face some challenges in my process, the “coming out” aspect has been easier with time. I grew up in a conservative family/ area, and I found the idea of coming out and being rejected by my family to be nearly unbearable. Somehow, I eventually came out and they all accepted me. It was by far the scariest experience of my life. Some things I found helpful: coming out doesn’t have to be all or none. Start with people who are most likely to be accepting, build up your allies, then work up from there. Also, take your time. It took up a lot of energy before and after each time I came out to someone. While coming out “all at once” can be great for some, it was better for me to take it a step at a time, one person at a time. Wow, typing this just made me realize how far I’ve come in this area that I too have struggled with. I wish you the best as you work through your process.
Hi I'm new here to and could have written your post myself!! Although it's taken me longer as I'm now 49 (married for 15 years and now in final stages of divorce) and only in the last two years have I realised and accepted my sexuality. There is an awful lot of self judgement too that I've worked on with the help of therapy. It's taken me 2 years to come out to a few close friends and I can't tell you what a relief it was to finally be truthful. They have been so positive and supportive. From my experience I can only say to take your time, and when you are ready you will find the courage to come out to those that are important to you. I'm still at the early stages myself and now thinking to tell my 16 year old son which feels very scary! One step at a time... x
I don't know how old your kids are, but I think the sooner you come out to them the better. Your kids can grow up with their mom being gay, and it will be totally normal to them. If you hide this from them and wait until they are older, I think they will be hurt that you kept this from them. Of course if they are really little, then you will wait obviously. I came out at 47 years old. It's never too late.
ccit.....Hello and a great big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! There is a sub-forum here on EC that is titled "Sexual Orientation". If you post there I think you'll find people who will understand how you feel and will be able to offer support and understanding! We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! .....David :gay_pride_flag
Hi! i'm in my 40s, married with 2 kids... I'm still in the stage of confusion and full of questions. Still trying to find myself with the help of EC.
Hi @cclt and welcome to EC. I had that same worry too. It was one of the smaller reasons why I stayed with my ex for so long because I didn’t think I’d be able to find happiness even if I did leave him. I think I also thought that I would need to explain or justify myself due to having been in a long term relationship with a man. However, whilst I’ve not “found love”, having been in a long term relationship with a man has not been something that’s been an issue. All I usually have to say is that I was slow on the uptake. I have a young child too, which I figure will be a dealbreaker for some people, but that’s always going to be the case regardless of sexuality.
Hi @cclt - Yes, you are posting in the right place, but it doesn't really matter. This Empty Closets community is amazingly supportive. Wow, you've gone through some huge life changes! I can understand why you'd be looking for reassurance. Life is up and down, but it sure sounds like you've gotten some huge steps behind you. Whether or not you decide to come out to your kids or anyone else, that is entirely your choice. Please keep posting here on Empty Closets. You clearly have life experience that will help the rest of us. =Sevn
Hi! Honestly, I never thought I’d have the courage to come out. Ever. But I’m my early 20s I came out as Bi and then just last year (aged 28) after realisation I came out as Lesbian. I only came out to immediate family and it was SO liberating! Because I proved myself wrong, I imagine I’ll come out to the rest of the world at some point too. I really, hand on heart don’t think you have to worry about not meeting a woman who will love you. I don’t think it’s EVER too late to find love. There are so many others in the same position, probably wondering all the same things. I believe you will find someone you’re happy with one day!
