Hey everybody. I'm new here, and was hoping to meet others like me. I'm a 30 y/o afab. I'm married to my husband that I adore and together we have 2 kids. About 3 years ago I started questioning some feelings I was having. The 2 biggest questions I had been dealing with at the time is why I absolutely cant stand by chest, and why I am jealous over mens beards. I thought I was simply envious that I couldn't grow one. Sounds crazy right?? Over the last year I've started realizing these intense desires for a beard and flat chest were more then just that. It's not just a desire, it's a deep seated need to have these things to feel comfortable. I've always been a tomboy. I typically wear Jean's and a tshirt. I only wear makeup like 3 times a year...and that's when I have to dress up, but really don't like makeup all that much. My hair is long, and I've thought several times about cutting it all off. Its something I really want to do, but I'm afraid I'll just be viewed as a butch lesbian. I dont know why I care so much about what people think, but I do... I feel more at peace with myself thinking of myself as a gay man then a straight woman. I awkwardly discussed this with my husband and he was suprisingly supportive. Intimately, when he treats me as a man, it's much more enjoyable for me. I've thought about transitioning but for now, I dont know if transitioning is in my immediate future. Is there anything I can do to feel more at peace with myself without starting the medical transition yet? I think I need to just take the plunge and cut my hair. I'm pretty sure I want to get a binder, but I think I want to slowly add things to my physical appearance to slowly transition my appearance from feminine to masculine but I want to do it in a way that people won't question the changes until I'm comfortable with telling people of my trans identity. I think I just need to talk to people that understand. I dont live in a place that has any LGBT therapists or support groups close, and I've personally never met another trans identified person. Thanks for listening!
Cutting your hair and/ or getting a binder could definitely be a good place to start. Just remember to be careful when binding because it can cause damage to your skin and ribs even when done properly. Buying mens underwear might also be helpful, it definitely was for me when I was first figuring things out. You may also want to look into buying a packer (prosthetic penis). There's a website called Hudson's Guide which has good information on basically everything related to being FtM, including a bunch of tips for how to look and feel more masculine without doing anything medical. I would suggest doing some research into medical transition even if you're not sure you'd be interested in it. I find that focusing on the things that you can change and trying to let go (at least temporarily) of what you can't is really helpful. For instance I can't make my hormones work faster so I can grow a beard but I can cut my hair or get a new tattoo. Hope this helps!
There's really no safe amount of time to bind. It can be totally ok for some people but not for others. I am one of the people it was not fine for, I did all my research, did everything right, (my binder was actually a size bigger than what the sizing guide said I should wear and this still happened) and I still ended up unable to bind after a while due to breathing issues and back and rib pain. I still have back pain that I didn't have before more than a year later. I'm not saying don't bind, I'm saying listen to your body and if you start having bad pain or trouble breathing take it off. Also even if you don't notice anything like that happening, binding on the regular for years can still hurt your ribs. I'm definitely an outlier in having it happen so quickly, and like I said it doesn't necessarily happen to everyone. It's just important to be really careful with it just in case. https://www.ftmtopsurgery.ca/blog/ftm-faq/health-consequences-chest-binding/ This page has more actual medical information than I know off the top of my head.
And so what? It's not all this bad Clothes from the men's department, generally speaking. If you want to make the transition smoother, you can begin with more unisex and masculine style clothes for women. Like loose tshirts without clevage, straight cut and boyfriend trousers, simple shirts (without those feminine adronments), plaid shirt, a blazer, a bomber jacket, cargos. And a men's hoodie never hurts. You can also buy cosmetics that smell less feminine.
Wow similar but opposite for me. 33 y/o amab, married to a straight cis woman and we have a 4 year old. I recently admitted to myself that I have always felt like I had a woman's brain in man's body. When I entered my teenage years I couldn't help but fantasize myself as female. I would come up with the wildest excuses to ignore that fact I felt I had the wrong body. Over the last year I've started noticing when I'd see attractive or fit woman at the gym, I was more jealous of them than attracted. I wanted to have a body like theirs and felt sad I didn't. I was working out to get a better body but I was becoming more and masculine and it was just excentuating the mismatch with my mind and body. I just look at myself and it's so wierd. My wife is the love of my life and best friend and I recently came out to her as both bi and told her about dealing with gender dysphoria my whole life. So double things to deal with; sexuality and gender ugh. My wife is also super supportive, thank God, and has made it clear she loves me for who I am as a person, period, no matter what. I'm not sure transitioning is something I'm personally prepared to do at this stage in my life so I am starting to identify as non-binary with a few close people. For me my personal work for the time being is trying to find peace in the dichotomy between my brain and body. So in short your not crazy, I completely relate. Just curious how old are your kids, and have you and your husband discussed if how to talk with them. We really feel unsure how and at what age to be open with our son. He's still really young so no planning on soon.
Hey, sounds like you and I have a lot in common! The only difference is that, as a teenager, I didn't often fantasize about being a girl, but there were definite moments where I felt so much comfort and ease presenting as female in a way...
Thanks that's really encouraging to hear someone can relate and has a similar experience! I don't have many (2) people IRL that I have even shared my experience with and both of them are cis and straight. While they are supportive, they just can't begin to understand how I feel and I don't expect them too. It's just nice to know you're expeiences aren't unique
