Looking for a relationship: simpler than you think

I've already started doing a lot of what you say to do in this article. I both want and not want a romantic relationship at the same time. What I mean is that I want one because I feel like I've been alone for long enough. I don't want one because I'm lonely, though. I have plenty of people in my life that keeps me enriched and loved.

I started going to new places and meeting new people to try to establish friendships. I even looked at places I've went to for ages and found some new friends in those places. I went from having a few--about three--close friends to having about a dozen in the last six months. I had no idea I was following this method. I just sort of figured that if I put myself out there and met new people that someone might pop up one day. And one did. I realized I had feelings for one of my friends, but it didn't work out. Oh, well. We're still friends, so it's okay. Just need to keep waiting.

 

DFTBA? Win. Awesome advice there. Excpecially the whole asking if your gay section.

 

All I can say is "bravo" because it helped me realize some things. Namely, I need to get out of my bedroom and start actually going out.

 

You should write a book on that Owen.

 

I definitely know how you feel. I'm lonely so I want a relationship, but I don't want one because I appreciate the solitude.

Sometimes I feel like I have just gotten used to being lonely, and I'm afraid to put myself out there for a number of reasons.

Your example gives me hope, that I can take steps to become and obtain what I really want. Thank you so much for sharing!

 

Wait... Why isn't this a sticky yet? Good advice there, covers pretty much every topic about looking for someone

 

Thanks for posting thisit does make a lot of sense.

I have been wanting a relationship for years now but for a while now I've realised my "obsession" for a man was a bad thing and wouldn't draw me any closer to one lol. But just because I know that doesn't mean I don't feel like that anymore.

I think what bothers me most is that I've never had a relationship or a date ever and I want one. I know I'm only 20 and its different being gay (ie. Time it takes to realise you're gay, coming out etc.) but I do feel a bit like a spinster. It really bothers me that I'm a virgin I'm not sex mad but I just feel bad about being a virgin (I'm not pledging abstinance but I resect the opinions of those who do).

I have such low self-esteem and that's not great dating material either. I've known my current social circle for a year know and I've got very close to them and ive even came out to them (which I had never really done before). But I still feel so insecure and inferior. I always feel like if I do this ill come across as too clingy and I feel like I'm this loser and theyer like so much cooler than me (I know that makes me sound like I'm 10 lol) like wen I text them for example I feel like I'm bothering them and being clingy. Now if I'm like that with my friends, what am I going to be like with a guy I'm dating? So obviously I need to sort my insecurities/self esteem first

 

Surprisingly I didn't feel as despondent after reading this as I thought I would be. :lol: However, it nonetheless seems to emphasize a number of, at least in my mind, obstacles which I need to overcome.

While I do want a relationship partly because I feel lonely, I know that from an emotional standpoint, it'd be impossible right now 'cause I don't really have a social life or great self-esteem. I'm almost more terrified thinking about actually being in a relationship than in asking someone out. If I can work on not only being comfortable around others, whether strangers or familiar acquaintances, and finally start making close friends then I imagine my wanting to be in a relationship won't feel so much of a "need" as it does now.

Thank you so much for this post, even if I don't end up dating anyone for awhile still it at least got me thinking of how to deal with socialising in general more. Will definitely have to subscribe to this thread just to access it for easy reference in the future.

 

Thanks, I actually saw you mention that above, in a different comment, but figured I'd have more immediate access among my subscribed threads.

 

Damn.. I am too late for this guide now...

the guy from high school whom I have (still kind of) have a crush on lives in his uni city now...... and we don't have anything in common, XD

(but then I am closeted lol)

 

This was such a great read! I think so many of us can relate to many aspects of this. Definitely going to recommend this to a few friends.

 

Well written! Thanks for sharing this; there's a lot of truth to everything you've said. Sometimes, we just need to have things written out and rationalized to see things more clearly.

 

Thanks for the advice!

 

hey ure such a nice guy .........i was amazed how u managed ure time and patience fr writing tat looooiooong but helpful fr newbees like me.......u hv such an amazing personality....may god bless uu *hugs*

 

This has given me the inspiration and determination to talk to the beautiful bus stranger this week. I promise I will!

Excellent advice, I really enjoyed reading it

 

I think this is very good resource. There are a lot of points that people can use.

However, please don't take offense to my comments -

First, I do agree that getting out there is very important. You won't get anything by sitting around. I have learned that so well.

And I realize that self confidence is very important.

But what about external factors? I live in a small town. In middle school, everyone was white and heterosexual.

I went to a neighboring bigger city for high school (private) but it was just like a small town. There was one other gay kid in my grade and we did not get along.
I was harassed my first year of school by a mentally unstable crazy girl.

There was no one. I knew nothing. I didn't know that maybe I could have gone to a GSA at a neighboring school because I didn't even know that was possible.

Now, in college, there's some guys but nothing like bigger cities. Most of the guys here are either REALLY obvious (not my type) or so far in the closet they have found Narnia.

I have tried the LGBT Group but it is extremely cliquey.

I guess, sometimes relationships aren't possible. A lot of these guys would be atrociously offended if I asked if they were gay.

But, if you are in an area where you have possibilities, then this is a great post! Truly