Looking back to my teens and early twenties I am seeing things in hindsight that I missed then.

My mom, sisters and aunts often acted and said things that seemed vary odd and confusing to me back than. But if I add them all thinking I was gay to the context then their behavior would make much more sense.


I remember my aunts and sisters seemed to often bring up and encourage more feminine interest to me, and then seem disappointed when I didn’t reciprocate. Outside of not liking sports my interest are basic guy stuff.


On several occasions my mom would talk about guys she thought was attractive, asking me what I thought, which at that point I have tuned out.

She never seemed excited about my girl friends like she was about my brothers, but at the same was very interested about a guy who was just a friend.


They seemed disappointed that I mostly took interest in what my dad was into. My mom seemed almost resentful that I looked up to my dad so much. It even seemed like she might have worked to drive us apart. My dad did have his own issues with anger and drinking though.


When I first met my wife and it became obvious that our relationship was for the long hall, again I felt a lot of disappointment from them. As if some how I had betrayed them. They didn’t care much for my wife for a long time.

I had been single for a few years then but I don’t see why it would lead to this.


I might be bi but not gay. Even though I have always questioned my sexuality, I still have all of the same desires for women as straight guys do.


Back then I always felt like there was some kind of conspiracy going on behind my back. I kept telling myself that it was just my imagination.

But them thinking I was completely gay and trying to push me in that direction then them being unset about it not working does explain a lot of there behavior.

 

I suppose pushing it is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, mainly because of how I perceived it.
They were probably just assuming I was gay and played a long as if it was the case, and bisexuality may not have crossed their minds.

This is exactly the case.

There are other family members that certainly are lgbt.

The thing is none of them have ever openly talked about it.

Its like living in a glass closet is a family tradition.

There are a few things bothering me about this.


I struggle to understand people. Kind of autistic like really. I tend to zone out, have dealt with a lot of anxiety and many other symptom as well. Its not nearly as bad these days.

This was a massively bigger issue than my sexuality. It is the battle than has shaped who I am.

While I did question my sexuality, I was still interested in girls. So I did stress too much about it.

I don’t think my family understood this other issues I have dealt with.



I never thought they suspected my sexuality until recently.


I had no gaydar at all. I couldn’t pick up on those cues that everyone else was and then only recently am I realizing that there is so many lgbt in the family.


Before I found this site I figured that I must have been at least mostly straight even though I was questioning.

I have never actually found myself attracted to, sexually aroused by or crushed on another male.

Only with women.

But according to this forum my sexual fantasies put me closer to 50/50. For the most part guys barely interest me as just friends.


For the last few years I have been realizing that other people have been questioning my sexuality the whole time. This seems to be bugging me a lot.

 

It certainly seems like my moms family was struggling with a lot of homophobia in the beginning then things seemed to swing the other way.


One of her sisters had gone through a period of time when she was very religious, married to a guy and often seemed agitated with me. I don’t know if her agitation was directed at me specifically or it just seemed like it, but it was enough for me to avoid her.

Around that same time my mom had made homophobic remarks to me about how I behaved. This was before my teens.


Later on her sister gets divorced and moves in with a women and they live together for decades. Nobody says anything directly about it.

My moms attitude seems to change along with this, from being homophobic to overly accepting, but still not realizing that I am attracted to women.


Her brother who is certainly gay but has been married to a women 40 years. He has always been nice though and I do think he had accepted himself a long time ago.


Another sister who divorced her husband for no apparent reason and has been living alone for the last 20 years. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. There was no hostility in the divorce. They just seemed to go separate directions on good terms. I am only speculating with her, but she is a sociable and attractive women. I just can’t see her having no relationship of any kind this whole time.


My moms siblings have their who circles of friends and are almost certainly out with them.


My sister is the only family member who has come out completely to the family.


The thing is I am not close with any of them, nor do I feel like I relate much.
For them their major struggle has been their sexuality.
For me sexuality has been more of a side note while I have been dealing with something I have yet to clearly identify. I have always felt very misunderstood by my family, causing me to distance myself some.


I really don’t know how or if I even should approach them on this.